So, I'm FURIOUS right now because even in his altered cognitive state, Dad has proven to be the same LYING ****** that he was when I was growing up.
Backstory: Dad insists on keeping some cash on him, so once a month, I will take him to the bank and get him $25 cash in $5 bills. He really has no need for cash as I buy everything he needs, and he doesn't have access to stores, etc. Outside of putting money in the Sunday Morning collection plate, that should be more than enough.
On the rare occasion that I can catch Dad napping without his jacket on, I always count his money to see if I actually need to give him more. So far, if I see that he hasn't really spent any money, I will tell him I'll stop by the bank and conveniently forget.
Saturday, I got to his wallet, and to my surprise, there was $50 extra in his wallet... two $20 and one $10. He also had last month's $25 in five dollar bills stashed in there. I wondered where this money came from, but I didn't feel like fighting, so I just kept it to myself.
Well, later that evening, Dad told me that his money was getting low, so I suggested that we count his money together the next day and if needed, we would go to the bank. I pull out his wallet on Sunday, and that $50 mysteriously disappeared.
I asked him if that was all he had, and he kept insisting that's all the money he's ever had. HE'S LYING!!!! I saw the money the day before! So, I stupidly asked him what happened to the other $50 that was just there the day before.
Of course, this started world war three!!!! It turned into "Why are you in my wallet?" and his usual ending... He's going to move to California with the daughter that suggested that I feed Dad extra pork, stop giving him his medicine, and let "nature take it's course" This is the "good" daughter, his "pride and joy". I'm just a "money grubbing crook that's counting the days until he dies..."
OK... so I clearly approached that situation wrong by calling him on his lie, but should I be worried? He never answered where the money came from originally or where it had gone.
I HATE the whole money thing. I'm always accused of being the bad daughter, but he gave me POA because he KNEW his other worthless, drug addicted offspring would throw it away (having him as a Dad could drive anyone to drink).
I want to tell him to stick his money where the sun don't shine, break my promise not to touch the $60K he has in savings, stop working the second job to cover what his VA compensation doesn't and then let the government take care of him when his meager coffee can fund runs out in a year!!!!
Sometimes being the responsible baby girl that got stuck holding the bag and going unappreciated is just a bit more than I'm willing to deal with.
Needless to say, he kicked my out (again) after an embarrassing screaming match. I'm left with the scars of his verbal attack, and he won't remember a darn thing. Happy Monday.
Then an hour later, that other person acts like there was no argument at all, all the time smoke is still coming out of my ears for the rest of the day. Oh how I wish I could just let those rows just roll off my back, but that is just not me.
Ok, as for the money issue, you are doing the right thing with the $25. My Dad always like to have $25 in bills just in case. It is a curious thing about that $50 where it came from and where it went. Does Dad makes any sport bets with his buddies?
I commend you on helping dad but taking a second job to help compensate/pay for his NH is going above (In my opinion). I'd be using his 60K first and then helping with coffee fund. And let the "Good" daughter in Calie work a second job. (bitter I know) :)
I know its hard being the responsible and caring daughter. These emotional rollercoasters are very tough.
In my case, I kept trying and trying because I thought I was doing the right thing. Rightly or wrongly, I thought eventually my dad might even give me a crumb of validation or acknowledgement. Just a simple thank you and then maybe the anger and resentment wouldn't have suffocated me. No help from the siblings was another trigger. Someone wrote that being the responsible and competent one was a curse. I can't tell you how many times I felt that.
I know you have heart of gold and truly doing what you can. But please talk to a social worker and let your dad go to assisted living or a nursing home. Let the state figure it out. I worry for you.
I tried and tried and when my dad passed, I feel the regret deeply. I want so badly to go back and make that decision for him to go into the nursing home. He would have had proper food and care and maybe I would have had less stress and anger. It was vicious circle.