I saw a video of someone on anguish because his mom didn't remember him. Oh, I've been there. Dementia sucks. As hard as it is on the loved ones just imagine how much harder it is for the person suffering from dementia. Not knowing me at times really didn't bother me as much as the fact that I just wanted her to not be anxious, so I just learned to go with the flow, let her be wherever/whoever she was at that moment, tried to redirect her when she was anxious, and not distress her by trying to make her remember. You can see in their eyes they don't remember, and that has to be terrifying for them. You know that terrible feeling you get when you've "misplaced" something, only to find it in your hand/purse/on top of your head? Just imagine that being your unrelenting reality every moment. And as they say, even if they don't remember you, you still know who they are. Hold onto that and honor it. My Mom didn't always know who I was. But I stayed by her side and tried to make her feel as safe and as loved as I possibly could. I traded roles throughout the day, sometimes I would be her daughter, her mother, her sister, her friend, her nurse, or sometimes just a bad cook who needed to be told so. Other times she would know me, and those moments were great. The 10 years I spent caring for her were such a blessing for me. Yes, difficult in so many ways, on so many different levels. But what I know with certainty is that I am a better person, have learned so much, am stronger, and am so very blessed and honored to be her daughter. Hang in there, caregivers and loved ones...the journey ends all too soon. Then they are free of the torment, pain and confusion. Enjoy them as they are today. Treasure these moments. Rest In Peace, Ma. I will love you forever and will see you again someday.
Time to take care of you, now. Wishing you every comfort as you adjust to a different way of life.
I think if we can gain while losing, we're more insightful people all around.
My deepest sympathies and condolences. I'm very sorry for your loss. You're a very loving and devoted daughter. I don't think any parent could have asked for more. Your words touched my heart. I only hope to have that kind of love and care in my old age. Thinking of you during this sad time. With hugs.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
But your beautiful words will help many others in the same situation and/or if this situation presents itself. I am seeing subtle changes in my mom in the last 6 months. I don’t know if she will get full dementia , but she is really starting to forget things. I’m always fearful of what might happen and the thought of her not knowing who I am is possibly the most heart breaking idea. I’ve had an extremely close relationship with my mom all my life. Your beautiful post though, already made me feel much better about the future. Thank you.😇💕☮️
Sometimes he knew me, sometimes not - but the love was always there.
I am sorry for your loss - but glad that you still love her in your memories.
I send you loads of love to help you through the coming times.
Hugs
What a beautiful perspective to place on probably the hardest event of a lifetime... yours and hers.
Thank you for helping me sort my thoughts & perspectives on the 8 yrs of care I gave my Mother. She passed 6 months ago; feels like last month. In surveying these past years, am finding it challenging when picking up the negative pieces of the time of care (lost income/pension, emotional/physical exhaustion/trauma).
Your post has shed a very welcoming light on the richness of the extra time we had together. More valuable than gold.
Your post has helped to change a soul, here. Thank you.
I hope you know that you will be able to rest peacefully, in doing all that you did for your Mom. Your tribute to her is glorious.
- note to Tantailus, no, most times it never seems like we're doing enough... but you are -
Hang in there and keep those memories close. My thoughts and prayers are with you.