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I don’t even know where to begin with this. My mother is not “elderly” she’s 50, but she behaves like an elderly invalid. She literally relies on me for EVERYTHING, and behaves worse than a child and I am at my wits end. She doesn’t help herself or help me with much around the house. I am in charge of bills, cooking, driving, getting her medication, setting up her dr visits, talking to the dr, she refuses to work and milks her illness to the MAX. It’s the excuse as to why she can’t do anything. She has a horrible, lazy, narcissistic attitude. She leaves on lights, runs up bills that she doesn’t contribute to, expects me to stay with her because as she says (what if something happens, either she faints or has difficulty breathing), when it comes to calling the drs office (suddenly she doesn’t know how to, every time she tries, as she puts it her cellphone trips out) yet she can use her phone just fine to call her stupid sister (who is an enabler.. encourages her disgusting behavior but will do nothing to help). When the drs office calls, she has given them MY number, so I’m getting bombarded with calls from the hospital, the drs office, collections at odd hours, I’ve given them her contact information but they still continue to call me. She is inconsiderate, when I buy groceries she will eat an entire thing of cookies to herself and not even ask if I want any or leave some so that I can have any. She barges into my room without knocking, will wake me up at odd hours knowing that I have to work. Constantly moving things around, hiding things even. She expects me to take control of her health, she waits until the last minute to tell me that she needs to see the dr because apparently I don’t have other things going on as well (god forbid my own life), then threatens to have the ambulance come get her. She gets into such a sickly state and when the healthcare people see her they think she’s being abused when SHE IS DOING THIS TO HERSELF. She always wants people to pity her and even though people all like to give their 2 cents about how I need to do more by her as if I don’t do enough they don’t want to deal with her. I am sick of her behavior, i left before and she d*mn near died and of course being the only child, I was forced to move back to babysit her. To financially help her out even though as I was growing up she made my life a living hell and now that I’m an adult I feel trapped. She has no friends or anyone else that will put up with her bs. When I left she let herself deteriorate, sought help and had these people calling my phone guilt tripping me and it turned into this entire mess. Once again I was being blamed, I am sick of this mess. She behaves as if she’s this entitled brat and is always so negative. I feel like at this rate if I’m not careful I will be stuck babysitting her for the rest of my life because she is purposefully doing things to deplete my funds. If you made it this far, thanks for reading.. I’m tired of dealing with her by myself and not having any support. It’s so draining.

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Fed up, you haven't really asked us a question, and have said you basically needed a vent. Not one of us here doesn't understand that.
I wonder if I could ask YOU a question? Feel free not to answer if you wish not to.
You mention your Mom has an illness. Might I ask what that illness is?
You also mention you live with her. You say you once left but she "almost died" and you were "forced" to move back in with her. Can you tell us a bit more about that. How long ago you left home; how long you stayed away? And what happened to Mom during the time you were gone?
And you are so right. Your Mom is YOUNG! My own DAUGHTER is 58 so she has 8 years on your Mom.
If you really just want a vent, and you aren't interested in any ideas about changing anything, we get it. Just ignore the questions.
Welcome to the Forum. There are more than a few stories here; you may read something that helps you in some way to feel better.
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It sounds like your mom has you right where she wants you. At her beck and call. You have allowed this for way too long, and it's either time to leave again,(for good) or set some healthy boundaries. You are not obligated to be your mother's keeper. The fact that she let her health decline on purpose when you left before, was just because she knew you would come back out of guilt. And it worked. It's time to quit playing this unhealthy game with her, and get your life back. If mom has no money she can apply for Medicaid, and if need be, put in an assisted living facility. You are way too young to be dealing with this nonsense, and deserve so much better. You can come here to "vent" anytime, but only you can make the changes necessary to make your life better. Good luck!
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Hi Alva, she has copd and asthma, hypothyroidism. All illnesses that she could manage with proper treatment and medication but SHE refuses to stay consistent and expects me to figure it out for her. I left home for 2 years and returned due to her health drastically deteriorating because prior to her diagnosis, she never went to a doctor. It was only until I moved back home that I forced her to see a dr. She pretty much gave up on life and has turned into this big child who needs her hand held thru everything and it is annoying. I am sick and tired of it
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Your mother is a professional victim, and you are her prey.

Move out. ASAP.

My husband has a wife JUST like this; a professional victim who's had 10 heart attacks (wink wink) 100 or more trips to the hospital/ER, is hooked on pain meds, has COPD but smokes like a CHIMNEY, and has more issues than Newsweek, all invented, so she can force her children to do her bidding.

Eventually, they all wrote her off, for the most part. Except for one daughter who felt 'trapped' and that she 'had to' take care of her mother who was about 50 at the time. By the grace of God, she got pregnant by a military man and moved out of the state!

Guess what? Mommy dearest is FINE! She's on Medicaid and playing the system to the hilt. She gets someone to come in and clean (she's also a hoarder), to cook for her, care for her, you name it, it's done FOR her by OTHERS at Medicaid's expense.

Moral of the story? People like this, professional victims, ALWAYS come out okay. It's their prey that suffer and wither away on a daily basis while THEY thrive!

I love ya ma but I'm not living like this any more.

Wishing you the best of luck moving out and on with YOUR life now!
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*oops correction: My husband has an EX-WIFE, my comment should say!!!*
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I was a little confused, lealonnie. I read it a couple of times and thought it might be a misprint. Thanks for clarifying.
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Fed up I saw your answer to me re the conditions your Mom is dealing with. Yes, at her age she can negotiate her way through the medical system to handle these. This is not like immobility due to MS or something.
So basically it is time for you to either move on, or accept that the next 30 or 40 years of your life will be devoted to this woman. Quite honestly she won't thank you for it, nor will anyone else.
I would suggest professional counseling to form boundaries and to make a plan to move on and out into your own living quarters with your own job, your own life and your own friends. You can still be a support to your mother. Currently you are enabling her in behavior that is not working for either of you. She will not change until she has to act in her own behalf.
You may want to start with the book Boundaries, but I do think this situation has gone on too long, and your rolls are too cemented in to negotiate a way out without help. It won't be as easy as walking out the door. You already did that, and then walked back it.
I hope that you get some help so you can build a quality life for yourself. I wish you the very best of luck.
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Fedup. My advice to you is contact a social worker (dept of social services maybe?) or APS and let them take over. Walk away. My mother is 72, has COPD, asthma and fibromyalgia. Your mother as someone else said, is a professional victim! She is capable of living a normal life with out you waiting on her hand and foot! My mother is on oxygen 24/7 and is at the point where she has to use a mobility scooter when she goes out in public. That’s how bad her COPD is. But she doesn’t let it stop her. In all the years since she was diagnosed-10 years maybe? 12 years? She has never played the victim and so much as expected anyone to do anything for her! You are too young to give up your life for your mother. Hell she is too young to have given up on herself. If she hasn’t already she ought to, when it’s a bit safer, go to pulmonary rehab, they will teach her to live with the COPD. It made a world of difference in my mother. Has your mother had a mental health evaluation? I would not be surprised if she is suffering from depression. But that is easily treatment IF she wants help. Good luck to you! It’s time to fly the coop and live your own life!
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Unfortunately venting isn’t going to do you much good, unless you actually change the situation. Your mother can cope with her ailments if she wants to. The people who think you should do more, can try doing it themselves. You can get a new phone and phone number, transfer only the numbers that are personal for you. You can move away, STAY AWAY, and make yourself uncontactable. Phone APS before you go, and tell them the honest truth. You are enabling your mother to be disabled, and it is not doing either of you any favors. If your mother goes ahead and kills herself by her own stupid behavior, it’s not your fault, and she may be doing the world a favour. You may be an only child, but you are NOT forced to move back to babysit her. Put your hands behind your back and find your backbone!
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My mom kind of gave up being an active part of our family when she was around 40. She checked in and out the 10 years after that--you never knew if she was going to be up or locked in her room. We kids ran the house and took care of each other, the job primarily fell to me, as dad asked me to cut back on my hours at college and be a 'stay at home mom' to my 3 younger sibs. I was 17 yo and going to parent teacher conference and joining the PTA for my little sister!

More than once I would take a meal into mother (she really didn't get out of bed for years at times) and and she'd throw the tray at me...it was SO HARD to not just hate her for taking away my LIFE. I never did get to graduate college, and those years were really hard.

It was 1974, and extremely embarrassing to have a mother who couldn't and wouldn't step up. She really just kind of rolled in and out of severe depression my whole life. It was NEVER addressed, except supposedly her Dr. said we were the worst children ever and had caused her to have these total nervous breakdowns.

It affected me the worst of all 6 of us. I'm still a little mad at her.

As an adult, I still did way too much for her, but now, I do absolutely nothing. Weirdly, when daddy died, she changed and became a flirtatious, outgoing little thing. It was so off. She never talks about dad and resented CG for him, although we all helped.

I'm still working through issues she ingrained in me--primarily the one of guilt for everything that ever goes wrong. And I'm 64. Sheesh, could I have ONE YEAR of peace and feeling OK? Narc moms leave their mark and it is wide and deep.

YOU can be saved. Please. Do it for those of us who couldn't figure out how to do it for ourselves.
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I’m glad you came here to vent. There’s wonderful advice given already. I hope you’ll reclaim your life. You’d be doing your mother a favor, she needs a serious wake up call, not a perpetual rescue. Would love to hear from you again, letting us know you’ve changed that phone number, reported your mom to APS, moved out and moved on. I wish you the best
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Sorry you don't have any support and things are so difficult. I understand how you feel. Caregiving is hard. Hang in there and make sure to take some time for yourself.
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