Ok. I'm going to try to be detailed, but not too detailed that it bores you. I am a late in life baby. My mom was almost 41 when I was born. I am now 32, so she is now 73. My father is 65. Throughout my life, my mom has had back problems resulting in many back surgeries. I was 6 when we moved from Ga to NC. When I was 8, my dad was injured causing him to start having back problems and a few surgeries. When I graduated from High School in 98, they moved back to Ga. to be closer to a back doctor that my mom would go to twice a yr down there (cause she trusted him so).
A few years ago, things have begun to go downhill. My mom started having seizures and would go into a trance like state. Then she had a toxic UTI causing her to go into a coma and almost died. She came out of it (obviously, since I'm here :) ) The seizure activity continued. Sometimes I would talk to her on the phone and she couldn't think of simple words as "book" or little things like that. She would also end up having to hang up with me because she'd start to hit herself on the head with the phone. She ended up in the hospital for dehydration and my dad finally got another doctor to look at her. He ran some other tests and found she was actually having strokes, not seizures. (remember those doctors she trusted so much in Ga....ha!) Got her into rehab in a NH and she started doing soooo good. Dad was doing also good because he was able to sleep since he wasn't having to listen for her to see if she was trying to cook (she once left a pot on the stove in the middle of the night and almost started a fire) or doing laundry or trying to clean up a spot on the carpet from the dog. He was walking up to 2 miles a day and sounded so strong.
Then she came out of the rehab. And she began falling again. She had memory problems again. She was up all the time. I finally convinced them to move back up here to NC to be back closer to me so I can help out some.
They did in Jan. Since then, my mom started getting better, but then turned again for the worse. She has fallen a lot, she forgets when I have talked to her, forgotten HOW she has fallen or how she got a bruise.
Dad has been sooo worn out from AGAIN having to listen for her. He on anti-anxiety meds, then gets upset at himself for getting anxiety. I told him that if he WASN'T upset about this, I would be more worried. This is his wife of 34 years and he doesn't like seeing her this way. HELLOOO!?!?!
She has lately been asking where certain people are or if she can call them. The thing is...the people she is asking about are...dead. The thing that got him was two days ago, she came rushing into the room he was in, looking terrified. She said "Where's my baby?" He said "You haven't had a baby in over 30 yrs." She just walked out. A little later she again came rushing in, again terrified, saying "Where's my baby?!? My blond hair, blue eyed baby boy?" My dad said "You haven't had a baby boy in over 40 years." She said "He was just at the end of my bed!" He told her "You don't have a baby." She walked out of the room (He's not that great at tact..lol).
I saw her today and besides looking tired, she was ok. The main problem my dad has is, since she was ok today, he goes "Well, she's ok today, so maybe it'll blow over." This has been his response every time something happens. I have used the "What if she falls and you don't get to her in time?" and the latest one I used was "What if she walks out of the house and forgets where y'all live?" to try and get some sense into him.
I'm worried that something is going to happen to her and then he's gonna feel guilty that he didn't act fast enough. (or even me that I didn't push more). I don't know what exactly is going on with her, cause the docs say she's fine (I hate to tell them...she's not!!) but something needs to give somewhere, but I'm not sure where and where I should exert myself into it all. Or how to go about doing it.
Thanks for any help :)
It sounds like they consider her not to be qualified medically for skilled nursing care. And you know she can't go home. What is inbetween? Assisted Living for one thing. I suggest you talk to that Social Worker in greater depth and see if AL could work for your mom. She would have activities to participate in and other people to get to know and some supervision such as managing her pills. It might be the perfect solution if it can be made to work financially.
Just be very sure that the social worker knows the home situation with Dad and your other responsibilities that prevent you from helping out as much as Mother needs. And when there is a care conference, attend it and speak up!
Good luck to you, and continue to keep us updated.
My mother passed away last night. Even tho me and my dad had just spoken to her an hour beforehand and she was feeling great last night.
Thanks for everyone's help.