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This is a common thing with dementia, they can't remember what they have done themselves so they look for some other explanation. Unfortunately the more paranoid they become the more they are apt to hide things so it's an escalating, never ending circle.
Since dementia robs people of their ability to use logic and reason, there is no point in trying to convince her that you didn't take it. You must use other strategies, like placation, distraction, redirection.
When you placate her, this may look like you saying, "Let me help you look for it" and then pull something else out of the drawer or closet and start talking about it ("Oh look at these shoes...do they still fit you? Let's try them on to see...").
Or, you can completely ignore her accusation and point to something out the window ("Did you see that squirrel? She's here a lot..." ) or show her a funny animal video on YouTube (of which there are many). My elders love watching those videos. She may briefly get upset or try to circle back to the accusation, but you can always walk out of the room on some pretext ("I think I heard the doorbell...") etc.
In my personal experience it takes practice to deal with a LO's paranoia because our conditioned, knee-jerk reaction is to reason with them like we've done for decades. You will eventually figure out what works best to get her mind off that theft channel.
This is like Alzheimer's Disease symptom #1 to me.
I can't find *object* = *insert name* stole it.
Those of us with reasoning skills know there are MANY other reasons an *object* is missing.
- Innocently put back wrong. - Taken away on purpose for safety (eg that sharp pocket knife) - Given away as a gift or handed down (but forgotten) eg Where is that good checked baby blanket? - Given to Good Will decades back (but forgotton) eg Where is my brown leather coat? I wear it all the time (well DID.. in 1984)
And my top reason; - Already 'hid' from 'theives'. This is where the watch gets found down the side of the toilet, the dentures wrapped in a tissue in the bathroom bin, the wallet wedged under the mattress & cash poked into socks.
Try to avoid arguing or into defence mode. Try "Let me help you look!"
Or even just start blaming the faeries, the goblins, or elves. Reckon that's what they were for 😊
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dementia-and-paranoia-477589.htm
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/alzheimers-theft-paranoia-or-forgetfulness-133383.htm
When you placate her, this may look like you saying, "Let me help you look for it" and then pull something else out of the drawer or closet and start talking about it ("Oh look at these shoes...do they still fit you? Let's try them on to see...").
Or, you can completely ignore her accusation and point to something out the window ("Did you see that squirrel? She's here a lot..." ) or show her a funny animal video on YouTube (of which there are many). My elders love watching those videos. She may briefly get upset or try to circle back to the accusation, but you can always walk out of the room on some pretext ("I think I heard the doorbell...") etc.
In my personal experience it takes practice to deal with a LO's paranoia because our conditioned, knee-jerk reaction is to reason with them like we've done for decades. You will eventually figure out what works best to get her mind off that theft channel.
I can't find *object* = *insert name* stole it.
Those of us with reasoning skills know there are MANY other reasons an *object* is missing.
- Innocently put back wrong.
- Taken away on purpose for safety (eg that sharp pocket knife)
- Given away as a gift or handed down (but forgotten) eg Where is that good checked baby blanket?
- Given to Good Will decades back
(but forgotton) eg Where is my brown leather coat? I wear it all the time (well DID.. in 1984)
And my top reason;
- Already 'hid' from 'theives'.
This is where the watch gets found down the side of the toilet, the dentures wrapped in a tissue in the bathroom bin, the wallet wedged under the mattress & cash poked into socks.
Try to avoid arguing or into defence mode. Try "Let me help you look!"
Or even just start blaming the faeries, the goblins, or elves. Reckon that's what they were for 😊