She can't even just be a mom anymore and other things...
I woke up sick today. I live with my mom and take care of her. All I wanted was my mom to say "How are you feeling?" throughout the day and she couldn't even do that. I told her, "Mom, why haven't you asked how I'm doing?"... her answer "Well, I don't feel good either."
She's mad at me because I won't put her in her Hoverround that she's had for over 20 years. It's the first model and it will not support her. Her insurance doesn't seem to want to approve a new chair for her and we definitely can't afford one. Physical therapists and doctors have told her that she can't ride it or she'll fall out. Being bedridden, she has lost core muscle strengths and she can't seem to accept the condition she is in. Physical therapy only works for her for a few weeks and then leaves. She does not want to sit in her manual wheelchair like she's supposed to, in order to gain strength.
I put her in her Hoverround chair maybe a year ago. The thing moves REALLY slow and my mom's knees can't bend properly so she can't put her feet on the foot rest. She only has 1 of the foot rests (that look similar to a manual wheelchair) for the hoverround. So what I did was bungee corded her leg to the other leg and because she has no core strength, basically slid downward and was in a bed position.
She told me today, "I'm sick of your b*llsh!t anyway"... I already knew where the convo was heading: her Hoveround chair. And said "Well, I'm not going to be responsible for you falling out of your chair." she says "I'm not going to fall out."
We don't have a wheelchair ramp that she would need to get over the bump at the door.
Last week we were at her doctor's office and she started crying about her chair basically. The doctor agreed that she would fall out of the chair.
I understand her frustration. But I'm SOOOOOOOOOO tired of my mom not being able to accept reality. And then she jumps all over me about things that are out of my control when I'm literally the ONLY ONE helping her. My brothers don't help. Our family doesn't help. Just me.
And she can't even ask me how the hell I'm doing when I get sick.
Is it possible that the time has come that mom needs professional help on a 24/7 basis?
PT and OT are really for showing someone how to exercise safely, determine what works and then helping get them on a schedule to do it on their own. That she isn't doing it without a therapist is her responsibility, she should be encouraged to continue what they taught her. It took a lot of bugging him but it is what got my dad to do his exercises a few times a week.
Is it possible to disable or get the houverround out of the house?
Stay strong and do the best you can to take care of yourself, she will always try to one up you if you're feeling poorly, maybe come up with some really fun illness, you could tell her you have eyeroids and put preparation H on in front of her. This is what stars use to get rid of eye swelling. I know it is hard but try to find the humor in things and how to introduce some silliness for your mental health.
Hugs!
If your Mom has had a personality change, there may be more here than age related decline. If not, you may be expecting more from Mom than she can give.