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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I’ve found attending my local Alzheimer’s care givers meetings has given me the information and moral support to help navigate this disease process. I too have a sibling who rarely chooses to show up and participate.
That is sad indeed. Do you think it has to do with the character of the person they are or with how they might have been treated by the parent? Generally but not always the people here are still caring in some ways for a parent who has been negligent,abusive or downright unkind. They may have to deal with behavior that brings great risk yet they don't abandon the parent. I am not implying that all parents discussed here have these issues. I am simply stating that it seems somewhat rare that a parent is completely abandoned although I realize there certainly can be instances of that,that we are not aware of.
Thank you for your thoughts Riverdale. Yes, I’m sure it has to do with how we were treated growing up I guess some just can’t move on. I sure hope it’s not the character of the person they are... but I wonder because they haven’t tried to contact me either?? It hasn’t been a picnic dealing with dad a little support sure would be appreciated.
Khoody, Someone on this forum recently reminded me that when my siblings show me who they are, that I should believe them. I’m afraid the same might apply in your situation. There’s a lot of us here flying solo. It’s sad for both the parent and for the abandoned caregiver. Maybe on some level they do care, but denial and avoidance are easier. I don’t know. But I can tell you that I admire you for stepping up and being there for your dad. Hopefully your siblings will realize their error before it’s too late. Sending you strength and hugs!
Khoody, you said they haven't spoken to your father since they became aware of his condition. And they haven't maintained contact with you. Was this something new to him and/or you? What kind of relationships were in place before his diagnosis?
My 2 older siblings cut off contact when our mom became disabled, had gotten progressively worse, and major decisions concerning her care needed to be made. My mom was destroyed by this - they had not been actively involved in her life, but had often expressed (in vague terms) their concern for her well-being and willingness to help out financially, emotionally, blah blah blah. All of this was empty rhetoric. I had been her sole caretaker for a few years. I was physically, emotionally and financially drained - they knew this. They never offered to help, just stayed in contact to criticize my efforts. It has been 10+ years of no contact.
I'm new to the forum and haven't shared my story yet - a long, harrowing ordeal I shouldn't inflict on the forum or anyone else(!). I guess the point I'm hoping to relate is that you and your dad might find you are better off without them. With the help of therapists, myself and a few friends, mom is slowly coming around to the harsh reality that her children are not the people she assumed(hoped?) they were. I can't imagine that things would be better(easier, happier) now if they were to decide to be involved.
I don’t see how you can change this situation. As sad as it is. you can’t change their minds. I suppose they have their reasons. Do you know what they are?
I feel karma will catch up with all of these non-caring siblings!
My sibling also can't seem to move past incidents that happened 25 years ago and bring up these incidents to justify why they can't care for mom. Sometimes in my bleak moments, I feel glad that mom's dementia makes her forget that her other child never calls her.
Just to tell you many of us in the same boat but we still row, row, row our boat......
Wren9184 I totally agree with you!!! Karma can be a bugger!!! When I get down I hate the way I feel about them. This to shall pass!!! l hope for my sake!!!
NeedHelp I think they can’t get over our up bringing. Dad was tough on us... we survived. I look at it like... he’s the only father we get so move on. We are all adults now quit your whining about the past!!
Squee... They haven’t had much of a relationship with him I have always been the one that has gotten everyone together. You are an angel your mom is so lucky to have you!!! You are the good child!!!! High five!!!!!
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My 2 older siblings cut off contact when our mom became disabled, had gotten progressively worse, and major decisions concerning her care needed to be made. My mom was destroyed by this - they had not been actively involved in her life, but had often expressed (in vague terms) their concern for her well-being and willingness to help out financially, emotionally, blah blah blah. All of this was empty rhetoric. I had been her sole caretaker for a few years. I was physically, emotionally and financially drained - they knew this. They never offered to help, just stayed in contact to criticize my efforts. It has been 10+ years of no contact.
I'm new to the forum and haven't shared my story yet - a long, harrowing ordeal I shouldn't inflict on the forum or anyone else(!). I guess the point I'm hoping to relate is that you and your dad might find you are better off without them. With the help of therapists, myself and a few friends, mom is slowly coming around to the harsh reality that her children are not the people she assumed(hoped?) they were. I can't imagine that things would be better(easier, happier) now if they were to decide to be involved.
My sibling also can't seem to move past incidents that happened 25 years ago and bring up these incidents to justify why they can't care for mom. Sometimes in my bleak moments, I feel glad that mom's dementia makes her forget that her other child never calls her.
Just to tell you many of us in the same boat but we still row, row, row our boat......
When I get down I hate the way I feel about them. This to shall pass!!!
l hope for my sake!!!
You are an angel your mom is so lucky to have you!!! You are the good child!!!! High five!!!!!