Why do people say they have POA "over" someone?
I've been bugged for some time at the way some people here express the role of POA. They will say they or someone has POA "over" someone else, as though it were some kind of coercive relationship instead of one where one person is acting on behalf of another as agent. I know my concern may sound trivial, but language has power to influence how one perceives and acts. I think it would be better if people said they have POA "for" someone, acting in the principal's best interests, as the person themself would if they were capable of doing so. (Of course the principal, when not deemed incapacitated, might well have made many bad decisions in the past. The POA shouldn't make those same kinds of decisions just because the principal might have done so previously!)
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Not OVER, which implies control. But FOR, which implies a caring situation with the pts best interests in mind.
My DH is POA FOR his mother. Even so, it has about zero power since he will only do what his sibs want. He does indeed have the 'power' to move his mom to AL, but w/o the other two sibs' input he will do nothing.
He's been her POA for 30 years and has never made a decision for her, not once. I cannot imagine a scenario where he would actually 'step up' and use this power.
He's also her executor of her trust, which he WILL have to do and is not looking forward to.
Words are powerful. I was POA over my mother once she become incapacitated. there was no way anyone was going through me to harm or take advantage of her.
The other thing I hate to see is people suggesting that you can simply draw a document off the computer, have an elder sign it and a notary say, "Yeah, that's her signature, all right" and that document will satisfy a bank. NOPE.
People need to see an attorney. They need to take the time to understand their duties, and the learning curve is STEEP. I originally thought the one POA well done by an attorney would allow me to manage my bro's trust as well. That is how ignorant both he and I were of the whole thing. Back to the attorney and ANOTHER document, this time the one for the Trust.
If you think THAT is all fun, wait until tax time. Wait until you find out that what works for medicare OR IRS OR SS is not that POA. It goes on. People take this so lightly. I would never serve as POA again, other than for my partner, and I insisted that his complicated Trust have another as Trustee. k
In an estate of any amount of money at all a Bank can be your best friend. But I see people here blaming banks for protecting their client's money, as tho anyone can run in with any piece of paper and pull the funds of the parents anywhere they wish.
It's truly frustrating to me, and you just tweaked my last nerve on it, hee hee.
It is a reflection of the intent of their heart, and a misinterpretation of the fiduciary duties of a POA.
It's about time someone brought this up.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are POA's who misinterpret
their role, thinking in error, that they need to spend their own money
on their parent.
HOWEVER, and this is key, over and over again here we see siblings at war. In fact I would say 50% of them are. And I will warn people in that case, that a Fiduciary POA can be called before the court by a sibling in TWO SECONDS if they want to pay the attorney. And they had BETTER have the papers to prove their actions, or they are done, and will never be made conservator, guardian, or anything else. The state will take over in one short meet before the judge.
For my brother, who was still competent, it was also important to ME at least that I provided him with the comfort of knowing his money was well managed.
You are absolutely right that people don't keep the records. People often haven't a clue. Nor are they aware of the repercussions of a SINGLE person calling them "elder abusers" and bringing them to the court for examination.
I think the fact that so many people use the expression "having POA over" makes many elders pause when they need to do this
From a legal perspective, everyone 55 and older should assign a POA (and have a will, and an advanced directive) because without those things in place, life can be very messy for your loved ones.
When husband was appointed guardian for his mom, he ran into issues where hospital staff told him he needed a POA for his mom. We regularly had to explain that guardianship didn't need a POA. Sigh.