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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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My mom started drinking about 3 years ago after a serious accident and we eventually took her car keys and got her into therapy. She has been sober now for one year, but today she is drinking again.
Absolutely take keys away and set up other transport options with local car service or senior services. Donate or sell the car to make it final and not reopen the option of driving. Save her and others' lives.
Yes, take her keys away and call her therapist, she will need help getting over this relapse, and it will take time, so best she's not a risk to herself and others during her recovery. Doctors can take too long to revoke driving privileges and even then, if they still have access to keys in the house, they will sneak around and drive anyway. I speak from personal experience. Wishing you strength on this journey.
Take the car keys. When our father refused to give up the car keys, we disabled the car, knowing he would not have the money to fix. For your mother's safety and the safety of others - you need to do whatever necessary to stop your mother's driving.
To avoid a big confrontation you can easily disable the car by disabling her key. Either switch the key for one made for another car, same make and model, or if there are multiple keys have a notch ground off of her key.
This no joke. you cannot afford to have her kill someone else. It could ruin you! YOU!!!!!!!! You will be held responsible for some aspect of it. Trust us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Take ALL sets of keys. Watch that she doesn't call a dealership and get another set. If she gets unpleasant and uncooperative, tell her the police will be glad to take them away from her.
You can take her keys. If you don't want to spend a fortune on other transportation options, you can install a breathalyzer on the ignition. It won't start if your mom doesn't pass. Skip the expense of the therapist - send your mom to AA meetings EVERY DAY for 90-120 days. Require she get a paper signed at every meeting to prove she was there. It's cheaper than therapy and less expensive. Alcoholics can lie to therapists but AA members will know she is lying and this will help her. She should have a sponsor that is working the steps with her. This solution is forced by our county's Drug Court and it's more effective than a therapist. We often have people who attend meetings and need their paperwork signed. Columns should be Topic of Meeting, Member signature, phone number.
I haven't done this (in my role as caregiver for my Mom, YET), but a caregiver support group told me that you call DMV and they will send paperwork to insist she come in or lose privileges. These other ideas are great! Just thought I'd let you know this helps for dementia patients who don't wish to face their failing memory issues. I would quietly do the car disabling, key cut change AND contact DMV. So sorry to hear your family is going through this AGAIN. I hope she survives to recover again. 🙏 I'm not sure you can FORCE AA recovery on someone and achieve results. I have the disease and it's a personal battle UNTIL disaster/tragedy makes it court ordered (thankfully I'm in the program and doing the steps, but it's hard to do while being a caregiver for a loved one who just doesn't drive and chooses to stay ill), so hopefully your family can take the steps above to stop the DRIVING. I'd love to know where breathalyzers dont cost a fortune, too (install fee$, monthly fee$). The previous tactics to stop the DRIVING are great. Stopping the DISEASE is much more challenging if the person is choosing denial (more common than you think). Internal emotional pain AND the disease is very serious. They say on Intervention that chemical dependency is a "family disease", so you must handle it as a family. Great question - sending hugs to your family
I recently did contact DMV about my mother. In TO, you can anonymously "turn them in". My parents caregiver needs the car to take them to doctor appointments etc, so disabling the car or selling it wasn't an option. She went to see them and we haven't heard back yet. I wanted on the record that I had officially reported her. She called me disrespectful and an "a-hole". :-) Its tough work.
I would take her keys away, or empty her gas tank. If she is in AA and has a sponsor I would let that person know. Providing she will not become belligerent that is. I know who verbally and emotionally abusive people become even when you try to take their keys away when they are clearly intoxicated. If she sneaks driving while drunk behind your back you could say someone saw her swerving and the police called the house....just an idea to scare her.
Yes, take the keys asap. I took mother's keys away (she has dementia) and behind my back she had the car towed to the dealership to get a new set made! Luckily dealership got wise and called me as they figured something was up. Dealership also said they'd get in touch with me if this ever happened again or she ever called them about anything - they're used to the elderly pulling this crap and are happy to tip-off the caregiver (how cool of them). After that I also disabled the car, too. Once the dust settled from this little shenanegan she fessed-up and told me that once she got the new keys she was planning on driving behind my back. Anyway, alcoholics are resourceful so take those keys away and disable the car. Good luck!
Hopefully you have her POA because you may not be able to sell it. Title has to be signed by owner. Most doctors don't like to be the ones that ban the person from driving. Has your Mom had DUIs and license taken away. Call the DMV and see if Mom qualifies for a breathalyzer for her car. Car won't start if she has alcohol in her system. If she has a therapist call him/her and maybe he/she will make DMV aware and they will revoke he license. At 78 her reflexes and sight are probably not that great anyway. If all else fails, take the keys and the car. Do not leave it where she sees it daily.
We had a wonderful neurologist who told our alcoholic/dementia loved one that his profession mandated him to report him to the DMV. It was hard to take ... The elderly alcoholic put himself in detox and rehab... His objective was to drive again and meanwhile nobody was killed bc of his driving habits. However, he started drinking again after ten months of sobriety and died of a sudden heart attack.
AA can't be forced on someone. However, the county drug court set up the procedure I mentioned. They may not do AA but if they go to a bunch of meetings because it the only way they might get to drive again, they will go. ;-)
Please, please stop her driving - it is good to report to the DMV, talk to the doctor, etc., but it may take too long to get her off the road and meanwhile someone will die.
Omgosh---Take the keys and the anger that will go with them. My mother drove for a couple of years past what were considered "safe". She always said she was JUST FINE.THANKS. and we knew that taking the car keys were the final step in removing her independence. BUT-she was a terror on the road. Luckily, a hip replacement put her driving days to a halt. DO NOT expect her dr to do it. I have yet to see one who tells the patient that can't drive. We never worried about Mother hurting herself, but she could barely see above the dashboard and we feared she'd cause a horrific accident and kill someone. THAT we could not live with. If she hadn't come out of hip surgery incapable of really using her right leg again, the keys had already been confiscated.
Lilac7272 - We had royal battles with our elderly alcoholic, who could barely see and was a diabetic. We took away the keys, disabled the car, he always managed to get the car "fixed". Until the neurologist was alerted and HE REPORTED HIM TO THE DMV. Before the letter came from the DMV, our loved one took off at night with the car and got disoriented, was stopped by the police who took away the keys. So the 80 year-old went to detox, and rehab, came home, drank again, and died suddenly. His intention was to regain his licence. That of course never did happen but nobody was killed. Unfortunately, nothing much you can do about alcoholics but keep on with doctors, DMV, police, etc. No one should die because of inaction from family or neighbours.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
This no joke. you cannot afford to have her kill someone else. It could ruin you! YOU!!!!!!!! You will be held responsible for some aspect of it. Trust us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you wait for the doctor to do it - and she kills someone while driving - could you live with yourself if you didn't take the keys?
I would quietly do the car disabling, key cut change AND contact DMV. So sorry to hear your family is going through this AGAIN. I hope she survives to recover again. 🙏
I'm not sure you can FORCE AA recovery on someone and achieve results. I have the disease and it's a personal battle UNTIL disaster/tragedy makes it court ordered (thankfully I'm in the program and doing the steps, but it's hard to do while being a caregiver for a loved one who just doesn't drive and chooses to stay ill), so hopefully your family can take the steps above to stop the DRIVING. I'd love to know where breathalyzers dont cost a fortune, too (install fee$, monthly fee$). The previous tactics to stop the DRIVING are great. Stopping the DISEASE is much more challenging if the person is choosing denial (more common than you think). Internal emotional pain AND the disease is very serious. They say on Intervention that chemical dependency is a "family disease", so you must handle it as a family. Great question - sending hugs to your family
Regardless of age, a relapsed alcoholic should not drive.
She always said she was JUST FINE.THANKS. and we knew that taking the car keys were the final step in removing her independence.
BUT-she was a terror on the road. Luckily, a hip replacement put her driving days to a halt.
DO NOT expect her dr to do it. I have yet to see one who tells the patient that can't drive.
We never worried about Mother hurting herself, but she could barely see above the dashboard and we feared she'd cause a horrific accident and kill someone. THAT we could not live with. If she hadn't come out of hip surgery incapable of really using her right leg again, the keys had already been confiscated.