This is such a great forum
My 95-year-old mother fell in August and broke her leg in two places
Most fortunately, the bones themselves have completely healed and she’s been given 100% weight-bearing by the orthopedist
She is otherwise in stable health
She went from assisted living where she fell into skilled nursing while she had the cast on, etc. so she was bedridden for between three and four months with daily physical therapy
The therapists kept complaining to me that she didn’t have a good attitude, she wasn’t trying, etc. now she is due for discharge and they continue to use a Hoyer lift or a slide for her
In Texas, where we live, no assisted-living will take in someone already on a Hoyer - only skilled nursing will do that
The skilled nursing she is currently in the people who are permanent residence are either very out of it or extremely physically, impaired, stroke victims, etc.
I feel that it would be doing her a disservice to put her in an environment with people with no stimulation for her. And very isolating, since she is functioning other than not wanting to stand up.
her sister lived to 99.
I feel like she has a few more years to go. But she is frightened, and the skilled nursing is afraid of liability so they won’t try and stand her up without the Hoyer. I feel like they are almost trapping her there by cutting off her options to go somewhere else
Has anyone had any experience with this ?
all the assisted-living’s will do an evaluation where they say their residents have to be weight-bearing, even if there a two person assist
I feel like she is really ruining her future. Also her finances, because skilled nursing is almost double the cost of high-level care in an assisted living
How do I get skilled nursing to push her further or how do I get her to understand what she’s doing to her future?
Another words she’s great, but she won’t stand up or walk
Thank you
Thank you all
My mother also is 95 and she gave up. She is in a NH. Walks very little now even though PT said she was capable of much more. She also will probably linger to 100. But there’s nothing I can do to encourage her to do more. She does not want to. Shes given up. It’s her body and her life so it is her choice how much she chooses to do. I respect her wishes and don’t push.
I wish you and your mom a peaceful year
It sounds like you did everything you could
She may also be too afraid to walk again .
The facility is not “ trapping her there”.
Very often a bad fall at her age results in a permanent change in function .
Look around at some skilled nursing facilities. Perhaps you can find one with a unit that has more cognitively functioning people and activities that would interest her .
I’m sorry but since so much time has gone by since her fall and still not willing to stand , means she most likely will never . Good luck finding a facility .
Sorry but the “ least bad option “ is what you are left to find .
I just hate to see her make her own life more miserable or more lonely
I think everyone has made the point about muscle deterioration, and that very well may be the case.
This rehab has not been good about communicating at all.
The input I have received from this site has been the most helpful.
She may now be a candidate for LTC, which is covered by Medicaid. My MIL is in a a very excellent LTC facility. She has very mild dementia and short-term memory impairment. She's on Medicaid, in a private room. She jokes with the staff and the facility has many offerings, and the activities director makes sure to get her out of her room to as many things as she's willing.
I'm just saying that these types of places exist and that even in LTC your Mom could be engaged to participate in things that she wants to be.
I’m glad you found a good facility for your family.
I will keep looking
Her muscles will have seriously and perhaps permanently become too weak and too contractured to make this safe. If this professional help has been unable to get your mother up and moving at this point, then it is quite unlikely that it will ever happen short of a miracle.
Unfortunately, when we cannot cooperate with PT and the 90s is the age to not do so, we lose the muscle tone somewhat permanently. Even the bone and tendon structure deteriorates, and quickly.
I am hoping that before discharge the PT folk at the rehab will discuss all of this with you.
She is no longer appropriate for ALF, unfortunately as she is unable to transfer. They haven't the staff in facilities to accommodate this. A lift takes two people for safety in facility transfers. She is otherwise basically bedbound. Her skin is at great risk. Bones, muscles, tendons, even the lungs and digestive system deteriorate with being bedbound.
Please speak with your mother now. She may have no wish to be forced to live to age 99. You may think she should want to/could do it. But this is her life, and she is perhaps looking at end of life, palliative care, being bedbound with all that means. The bones deteriorate and cannot produce cells. The skin cannot be protected no matter the amount of care. People tire of the fight to live. Many are ready to go.
Have a long talk with your mother. Be honest that she cannot return to ALF care now as she cannot stand and cannot transfer. Do not BLAME her. She cannot do it. But let her know what the steps and choices are now going forward. Perhaps speak with the social worker first, you and her, and then speak together with the social worker to your Mom.
A fall is often the harbinger of the end. It certainly was for my mother. And while it was one struggle after another after that, loss of appetite, pneumonia, catheterizations, UTIs, yeast infections, and on and on and on with depression on top of all of it, it was the end coming.
I think that you are having a hard time adjusting to the reality now, and encourage you to discuss with staff "where mom is at" currently. And what choices need to be made by you and her for her future.
I am so sorry. To me, the thought I might have to go on to 99 is anathema. It is perhaps to your Mom also. Hospice may be her choice. If that is so, then embrace her choice. If, on the otherhand she wishes to fight, then assist her all you can in that, knowing that so far she has been unable to adequately move forward.
You say your mom is fully aware. Please discuss with her where all this is at, instead of with us. We are perfect strangers, and likely as confused about the choices as you yourself are, and as divided as to the best way forward. Talk to your Mom.
Again, I am so very sorry.
I’m really not trying to push her but as you pointed out, I wanted her to understand the consequences for her life.
I don’t think she’s ready to let go of life
a physician suggested Prozac for depression, my father died early last year after 70 years of marriage, but I’m also not willing to medicate a 95-year-old who is on a
1/2 dozen other medication’s and who knows how they would interact and something else to worry about.
And it also seemed like a quick fix. Just like when you put a very young child on ADHD medication when they’re just being a kid.
There was another suggestion for intensive rehab for a week or two to see if “fresh eyes “would be able to help her more
the rehab she is in has upper floors that have long-term skilled care. My mother seems in better shape, and certainly much more connected to the world than the people up there.
I found an AL that does a two person transfer and I’m going try and see if they will accept her
My home is not a place for her. I don’t have a handicap available bathroom and I’m currently living alone. Couldn’t care for her 24 seven. And her resources won’t support 24 hour care in my home
I am on year four of home care using a Hoyer for the very same reasons you describe. I think my mother’s fear of falling combined with mild dementia, a UTI (at the outset), and advanced age and weakness all combined to make walking again a pipe dream. Her best chance was while in rehab - but she fought them and as you experienced, they will not (and really cannot) push people who won’t cooperate and try. It was during COVID so I couldn’t be there to push her. Sometimes I wish in those early days that I had taken her home and had used home PT and worked with her myself. But, the reality is that the will to keep that level of independence has to come from the person. IMO, she gave up her ability to walk without a fight. I don’t think I would do the same, but I’m not 93. Who knows what time will bring?!!
I have the same feelings about SNF care. She doesn’t need it except for the walking issue. On the silver lining side, if she had regained her walking ability I am guessing it wouldn’t be long before she might fall and possibly wind up with a broken hip.
my mother and father had 24 hour homecare until he passed away last year.
I am not in a position to bring her into my home or to operate a Hoyer for her and I certainly can’t care for her 24 hours a day
I don’t even have a bathroom that would accommodate a wheelchair
you deserve tremendous acknowledgment for the amount of effort you put into your mom’s care, and I feel if I could bring my mom into an environment like that maybe after a few more months she would gain more confidence I understand what you’re saying
the night she fell she was x-rayed and MRI full body - so I think if there a spinal fracture they would’ve noticed
she was in a cast for 3 to 4 months and wasn’t giving weight-bearing exercise.
it’s a good thought and I will keep that in mind.
Fear
Worn out
Muscle atrophy
All of the above
The older one gets they fear living, they fear dying, it is catch 22.
Your mother is tried of trying, she is afraid to try, she doesn't want to try. It is as simple as that.
Me, at 95, I would just like to lay around myself, I would have done my service to others, and so it would be my time to rest, not having to satisfy what others think I should or shouldn't do.
I wish you well and getting to a ripe old age and laying around.
I hope you have a significant amount of financial resources and a lot of people who are willing to take care of you 24 seven in order to do that, otherwise the sad part of this is that people have to work within a system for the care
If your mother will not or cannot stand, at 95, then so be it. Stop expecting the woman to perform miracles because you and the PTs think her "attitude" is bad. She's old and tired. And probably depressed, too.
An anti depressant is not a "quick fix" for a 95 year old woman who spent months in a body cast after losing her husband! You may want to cut the poor thing a break here. Speak to her doctor about an antidepressant reacting badly with her other meds before you make such assumptions yourself. A medication like this may be just what she needs to help her with feelings of hopelessness and sadness she could be feeling after a very very rough year.
When mom was 88 and acting depressed after 2 hospitalizations, I spoke to her PCP and he put her on Wellbutrin which made a huge difference for her. Her outlook brightened and she became social again.
My mother lost her core strength entirely after a short time being wheelchair bound at 92. By the time she passed at 95, she had to be helped up out of bed.....thats how weak her muscles were. Things can go downhill FAST at that age.
We tend to view our mothers from OUR age perspective instead of from being 95, expecting them to do what WE feel they "should" be capable of doing. Leave mom alone now to live the rest of her life as SHE sees fit, that's my suggestion.
As for the anti-depressants I think that’s a personal decision about medication and my mother is 95 not 88. She was also a licensed therapist
She does enjoy people. The problem is in the skilled nursing she is in better shape than most there
she so she needs to be in an environment with people who are more functional.
I was not suggesting the aids lift her up. I was suggesting that physical therapy should be helping her to develop the skills, and they should be using them in the room, not necessarily the aids.
She would refuse medication. She’s a licensed therapist, and she wouldn’t take it for herself I know that.
Yes, she’s tired and yes she’s been through a lot but it doesn’t mean that she can’t have happy and productive years going forward and becoming bedridden unnecessarily when it’s preventable and we don’t have the ability to care for her properly until we reach that point is not fair to her either
So what I am trying to do is allow her to have the best quality and years that she can
I don’t particularly think she’s enjoying not being able to move much staring a lot at the walls so we’re trying to get her in a situation where she can have more connection to life
and this in the original post:
"The therapists kept complaining to me that she didn’t have a good attitude, she wasn’t trying, etc. now she is due for discharge and they continue to use a Hoyer lift or a slide for her..."
The issue is with your mother not doing what she needs to do to stand up on her own. Have you spoken to your mother about this? Have you asked her what she wants?
She is not a candidate for assisted living at this point because she can't stand on her own and I am not sure what an outside assisted living facility evaluating her accomplished other than make you more convinced that mom will be the mom she was before the fall and break - she won't that is painfully clear.
Who mom was before falling and breaking her leg is not who she is now.
Have you asked mom if she is currently in pain? Asked her if she wants to continue living even? She may be tired and done. She may be fearful of falling again and breaking more bones.
She's 95 and trying to get her to live to 99 or a 100 is moot at this point. Same with her finances. Once her money runs out she will have to go on medicaid for continued care in the nursing home.
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