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She's 84 years old, used to live alone prior to hospitalization 3 months ago. Used to love to read, do crosswords, play solitaire. Dementia is mild to moderate depending on the day.
The answer to "I am bored" is "Are you? I'm sorry. What can you think of that might help that????" It she says "Nothing" say "Oh, I am so sorry; not everything has a good answer, does it?" Stop picking up the luggage Mom sets down. I totally agree with ITRR; women especially love to feel useful. A stack of washclothes used to keep the elders endlessly entertained when I was a nurse and some few who were confused were out in a tabled chair. My blind aunt used to love to iron of all things, if you can imagine; said the smell of the linens reminded her of good times, washing, ironing when she was a young Mom.
In addition to folding towels how about *Pairing socks. *Emptying the small garbage can in the bathrooms into the larger one in the kitchen. *Do you have a stack of recipes that you have cut out, written out, printed out? *Get some sheet protector sleeves and a 3 ring binder. She can slip the recipes into the plastic sleeve and into the binder. *How about a stack of bills and papers that need to be run through the shredder? *That would give her a bit to do particularly if your shredder takes just a few pages at a time. *Helping at dinner time: washing veggies, peeling veggies, setting the table, filling water glasses or a pitcher with iced water or tea....After dinner clearing the table, filling dishwasher or washing dishes (if it is safe for her to do so.) Putting dishes away, again if it is safe. The important thing is do not give her a task if you are obsessive about how it is done as that will make more work for you. Realize that getting something done is sometimes more important than how it looks. (I asked my Husband once, and this was before he was diagnosed with dementia, why he did no t put towels away and he told me that he did not know how I folded them so he did not want to mess it up. I told him he could fold them any way he wanted as long as they fit in the closet where we kept them.) For as long as you can, and she can try to make things as easy for you, and her as possible.
My mother used to enjoy adult coloring books, doing puzzles with larger pieces, simple arts and crafts, and those sewing/lacing cards like some shown here:
I recently had a HUGE WIN with my sister. I ordered three Vogue coloring books and a roll of 72 colored pencils with sharpener and eraser. She has been depressed and non-stop crying for months. These coloring books are from Vogue fashion magazines from the mid-century. She loves them! They are adult, not too detailed, and appeal to her sense of style. Her only issue was that the colored pencils aren’t vibrant enough, so maybe markers or pastels work better. I got these on Amazon. There are some coloring books that are aimed at people with dementia as say so on the cover. So unnecessary and possible humiliating. These Vogue coloring books don’t say anything about dementia and were recommended by Seattle’s Creative Dementia Collective.
It depends a lot on her. If she is tech-savvy, use anything to get her busy. My mother is not. I even brought her a card table and puzzles - something that she used to enjoy. At AL, she won't do them. She packed up what I left her. She never joins people making puzzles in the common areas either. They are very friendly, but she doesn't engage.
I had her going to Adult Day Care before. I think she needs LESS autonomy. Unfortunately, that is only offered in memory care which she isn't ready for yet.
My mom talks a good game to others claiming she "thinks positive" and wants to do activities. She tells me how bored she is and that "no one comes to activities" at her AL. I've learned that plenty of people attend. I've signed her up for outings only to find she cancels. It's her, not the programs.
I have read that dementia will magnify a person's real personality. She is a loner. Always has been. She claims to want to meet people. The reality is she wants others to come to find her and to take her places or attend activities SHE likes together. She's not a fun friend. I wouldn't hang out with her!
Since she has dementia, cannot drive, and calls regularly forgetting conversations from only a few minutes earlier, I can only remind myself that she's in a safe place with skilled people who will care for her.
I have let go of the guilt I had earlier in our move.
My mom does "find-a-word" obsessively, reads and she loves coloring. Sometimes we hang up a particularly good coloring page on the fridge as the "art of the week." I also went to a craft store and we try (not always successfully) to make Sunday afternoons "craft day." This also includes sometimes making cookies and having her add the chocolate chips or lay them on the pan. She helps me shred my late husbands papers (boxes and boxes) we have to go through and I bought her a box of greeting cards that she can send to anyone she wishes to cheer them up. We also have "movie night" on Friday nights and a special treat while we do that. It's nothing particularly exciting, but she seems to look forward at least to these small things. She wants to help around the house so sometimes she'll fold towels for me or other small doable tasks. Perhaps the day care will come up with some suggestions or something will carry over from there as well? Best wishes . . . .
My mom is 96 and has macular degeneration, so she is virtually blind. She has a Kindle Fire 10 that has Alexa built in, so I find books for her and send them to her Amazon account, and Alexa reads to her. She calls me on her iPhone, which is also voice -activated, to ask the title of the next book, and she verbally tells Alexa to read it. This may not work for those with dementia, but it’s an idea.
I gave my mom an old iPad, and we download YouTube. I have YouTube premium so it skips all the ads. You can put it on auto play so it will load the next video right after the other. She loves to watch history, archaeology and such as anything about Egypt. There are so many channels on YouTube. She’s not tec savvy at all but this tends to work.
The adult day care is a great solution. Is she still able to do the reading, crosswords, etc.? Probably not so much with mild/moderate dementia. My mom is in the category too and can play some simple card games with prompting.
Are you able to keep her active? Does she have PT? I have an aide that comes in and does exercises with mom, makes her breakfast and cleans up, makes sure she showers, helps her with her laundry, and plays games with her.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Stop picking up the luggage Mom sets down.
I totally agree with ITRR; women especially love to feel useful. A stack of washclothes used to keep the elders endlessly entertained when I was a nurse and some few who were confused were out in a tabled chair. My blind aunt used to love to iron of all things, if you can imagine; said the smell of the linens reminded her of good times, washing, ironing when she was a young Mom.
*Pairing socks.
*Emptying the small garbage can in the bathrooms into the larger one in the kitchen.
*Do you have a stack of recipes that you have cut out, written out, printed out? *Get some sheet protector sleeves and a 3 ring binder. She can slip the recipes into the plastic sleeve and into the binder.
*How about a stack of bills and papers that need to be run through the shredder? *That would give her a bit to do particularly if your shredder takes just a few pages at a time.
*Helping at dinner time:
washing veggies, peeling veggies, setting the table, filling water glasses or a pitcher with iced water or tea....After dinner clearing the table, filling dishwasher or washing dishes (if it is safe for her to do so.)
Putting dishes away, again if it is safe.
The important thing is do not give her a task if you are obsessive about how it is done as that will make more work for you. Realize that getting something done is sometimes more important than how it looks.
(I asked my Husband once, and this was before he was diagnosed with dementia, why he did no t put towels away and he told me that he did not know how I folded them so he did not want to mess it up. I told him he could fold them any way he wanted as long as they fit in the closet where we kept them.)
For as long as you can, and she can try to make things as easy for you, and her as possible.
https://www.seniorlink.com/blog/activities-for-dementia-patients-50-tips-and-ideas-to-keep-patients-with-dementia-engaged
And here is another set of ideas directly from the ALZ.org website:
https://www.alz.org/help-support/resources/kids-teens/50-activities
My mother used to enjoy adult coloring books, doing puzzles with larger pieces, simple arts and crafts, and those sewing/lacing cards like some shown here:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=sewing+cards+for+adults+with+dementia&crid=2KDMPNB00O3RM&sprefix=sewing+cards+%2Caps%2C473&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_7_13
Best of luck!
I got these on Amazon. There are some coloring books that are aimed at people with dementia as say so on the cover. So unnecessary and possible humiliating. These Vogue coloring books don’t say anything about dementia and were recommended by Seattle’s Creative Dementia Collective.
I had her going to Adult Day Care before. I think she needs LESS autonomy. Unfortunately, that is only offered in memory care which she isn't ready for yet.
My mom talks a good game to others claiming she "thinks positive" and wants to do activities. She tells me how bored she is and that "no one comes to activities" at her AL. I've learned that plenty of people attend. I've signed her up for outings only to find she cancels. It's her, not the programs.
I have read that dementia will magnify a person's real personality. She is a loner. Always has been. She claims to want to meet people. The reality is she wants others to come to find her and to take her places or attend activities SHE likes together. She's not a fun friend. I wouldn't hang out with her!
Since she has dementia, cannot drive, and calls regularly forgetting conversations from only a few minutes earlier, I can only remind myself that she's in a safe place with skilled people who will care for her.
I have let go of the guilt I had earlier in our move.
Are you able to keep her active? Does she have PT? I have an aide that comes in and does exercises with mom, makes her breakfast and cleans up, makes sure she showers, helps her with her laundry, and plays games with her.
Good luck!
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