2 years ago I entered into an arrangement with my elderly parents to pay off their mortgage and live in their home to take care of them until Nursing Care was becomes absolute must. They have NO social life and NO friends even before they became elderly. Married completely out of convenience. My own mother is jealous of me and manipulating to both he and I to get her way about everything in the home. And she has told me to go straight to my room because it's the only thing I have there, I'm 62. Yet expects me to cook, clean & pay half of everything. I don't like her before all of this but there was no one else to help them. His children don't speak to him or visit, not one of them. She sits and knits all day playing on her tablet and demands he do things for her, being ungrateful the whole time, no please or thank you will come out of her mouth. He does it, seriously hates doing anything for her, but if he doesn't, she doesn't speak to him for 3 days. He starts drinking alcohol daily around 3 pm, with frontal lobe dementia and medications. But don't say anything, last week he called the cops on me and told them I hit my mother; which in fact it was the other way around as she was ramming me with her walker.
I feel like a prisoner in my own home, but it is my OWN home as well. But Not to them it isn't, even though they signed it over to me, legally w/ 2 Witnesses. He seems to think because of this arrangement, he doesn't have to be her caretaker at all, zero...apparently that is my problem now. Like a divorce, but not. But won't leave the house for us to live in. Horrible feeling of dread to go home from work. When I do things outside of the home, they are jealous, but also don't like me home all the time. She is losing brain cells daily, with his drinking I am sure he is too. I need to protect myself from them. If I refuse to pay for things, they get angry. I OWE them...per say.
Are you referring to your father or is he a step-father? Different set of dynamics there.
Personally, I would leave and find my own place and let these two fight it out. You are being manipulated and used. And it won't get better.
Unless you can clarify this a little, that's about all anyone can say to you.
Not sure about the signing over thing, did they add your name to the deed?
Only suggestion I have is that you move out, if your name is on the deed whenever they pass or the house is sold you would have to be included in the proceeds.
You have yourself in a pickle, sounds like they are in their 80's, this could go on for a very long time and they will fight you about going into a facility, I hope that you have both of their DPOA's.
Just be sure to have your phone out at all times ready to surreptitiously record them (her) and 5eir abuse.
This was an unworkable agreement from the get-go. There’s no way you should be living with a drunk and an abuser.
Uphill work.
What are they going to use for their nursing care since they sold the house to you?
The fact that your parents are as they are wasn't news to you even at the time you chose this option.
Can you tell us why you chose this bad decision?
Because due to lookback rules, this home transfer may not hold should your parents need Medicaid before you have held this home for five years. And unless you paid fair market value. It would, in fact look like elder abuse.
Whatever your legal contract says you are now bound to. That includes one half the utility, tax and upkeep bills on the home if that is what the contract reads and ALL of it if there is no language. As being there under life estate they are basically renters who cannot be kicked out ever. It's your home, and what comes due on it in terms of taxes and bills are yours to pay.
See an elder law attorney for your options, but you may have painted yourself into a very unpleasant corner indeed. People do readily live to 100 these days and by that time this situation would, I would think, have you quite beside yourself.
How will they pay for the facility if they don't have proceeds from the sale of the house? Do they have other assets? FYI Medicaid in most states only covers LTC (medically assessed as necessary by a doctor) and NOT AL or MC.
You can try to convince the husband that a condition that you stay and help them is for them (BOTH) to assign you as their DPoA. Otherwise you pack up and haul a$$ out of there...but never make a threat you aren't willing and able to carry out. Once you stop helping them... maybe they'll cooperate? But with alcohol and dementia in the mix, not sure if this can realistically go anywhere since this isn't about reason and logic and empathy.
I agree with another responder who suggested to keep your phone out to video her trying to take a swing at you in the face (per your profile info). If she does this, call 911 immediately and show them the video. Maybe they will pack her off to a psych ward of a hospital.
Also, who is buying alcohol for her husband? Hopefully not you. Is he still driving? Water down his booze or dump it out when he isn't looking. If he gets into a car after he's had a drink call 911 the minute he pulls out of the driveway.
What would you settle for as a solution? They're not going to cooperate, change for the better or suddenly become people they never were...