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I’m 58. I alone have been taking care of my mother, who has dementia for 8 years while working full time. Last year I changed my hours to 30 hrs weekly, which caused me to bring home paperwork. I have an adult care provided for her when I work. I feed her, bathe her, change her, stay up with her at night even when I work the next morning (she has sun-downers). Because of her incontinence, I'm constantly changing her bedding and I basically take care of all her needs. I can’t even remember when I haven’t been tired. I only nap now. I get up, dress, brush my teeth and put my hair up in a band. It takes about 5 minutes. I eat on the go since my mother can only drink ensures or protein drinks. I’ve been told I’ve aged years and I feel years older than I am. She is currently at the end stage. I was told at most, she has a few months left. I was thinking of taking a 3 week vacation after she passes, then look for another less stressful job. I am currently a Lead Internal Auditor and Production Assistant. I have enough money saved to take an 8 week break. I want to make a clean start. I’ve been working at the same job for over 16 years. I had asked to have my work load decreased at my current job, especially when I went from salary to hourly but I was told "you can handle it." The work load did not decrease but increased because of employee cuts. I’m thinking a clean break will make me feel refreshed and renewed. I've bought paint, matts, rugs, furniture and other things to upgrade and refresh my house when my mother passes. I currently have them stored in my garage. I am ready for a change. Am I being selfish to want to start anew?

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Makes sense to me. You have been a caring daughter, kept mom safe and cared for and now you need a break!

Just be careful about your expectations of when that will be. My mom has been on hospice for over 11 months. My husband and I make plans for our future life, but know that could not be for a year or two, or it could be in months.
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Go for it and great luck to you. We all need dreams. :)

Before you leave your job, make sure you can get another of your choosing. So you will be able to manage financially.

When you do go, have a drink for me. :D Hugs
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I'm impressed that you are optimistic and making plans. I'm not sure why you think it's selfish to have a game plan to provide income and be happy. We have to be our own best advocate in life. Enjoy. Why not?

I agree though, about timing. My LO has been in Late stage dementia for over a year. She was even close to hospice, but, seems to be holding on okay. Even though Vascular Dementia normal life expectancy is average 4 years, I anticipate that she may have much more time. I might have a backup plan to get some respite time, just in case she does survive a while yet.

Good luck with your plans.
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You're a hero

I often feel like quitting my very stressful job and have purposely not taken vacation in years so I can use it when needed at the end of mom's life, but realistically know that I do not have enough saved for retirement and have no pension or health care benefits

Do you have access to early retirement benefits? If not, then yes take that needed vacation, but honestly 8 weeks savings is not enough when you're job seeking in your late 50s

For those without pensions, here are some rules of thumb for retirement savings

8-12x annual salary
1-2x annual salary in emergency funds
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Yes you deserve some well earned down time. Enjoy.
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You're not selfish at all, especially after what you've been through and what you do for your mother! Start anew! You sound exhausted. For your peace of mind and by all that's right, take care of you and indulge.
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Like Sunnygirl, I’m also impressed/surprised by your ability to plan your “after life”.

I obviously don’t know you so I don’t know if the following applies:

- Keep in mind that when you actually lose your mom, your main reason-to-be will be gone. You might not only miss her terribly but also feel that life lost its meaning. We, caregivers tend to feel our reason to be is our caregiving role. So plan ahead, you may need your work to keep your mind busy.

-Like it’s mentioned before, although your planning seems very methodical and practical, consider your mom might stay longer than expected.

- This is just a side note....cannot believe the similarities! I take care of my mom too, and my profession? Lead Internal Auditor...smallest world!

- The fact that you’re asking if planning what and how you’re is bad and makes you a selfish person means you, yourself feel there’s something wrong with it. What deep inside seems wrong to you? That’s your answer..

-
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You deserve a break! Go on your vacation. By no means is this selfish on your end.
Go and enjoy yourself!
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Of course you're not being selfish.

However, an 8-week break will fly by in the blink of an eye, and it is very hard to find a job after you're 50.

I took what I planned to be a few months' break after an exhausting job ended in 2010. Living on unemployment and then savings, somehow several years flew by. (I had no problem finding things to do!) I had a college degree and many years' solid experience and thought it would be easy to find another job. I've been job hunting since I was 59 and have had no luck finding a good job. I've also tried a series of make-do low level jobs that were unbearable.

Before you let your job go you might google articles, statistics and comments on age discrimination. Maybe you could get a long break from your present job after your mother passes and when you go back it would be more bearable with less on your plate at home.

If I'd known about this problem I would have settled into a job in my late 40s and stayed there through retirement.
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What you are thinking is completely healthy. You need to look out for yourself as well. You have been a good daughter doing all you do for your Mom and she would want good things for you.
I kept a journal of what I would do if my Mom were no longer with me. I cared for her for 13 years, 2 of them in my home where she was completely bedridden. It has been 2 years since she passed away and I have been able to do some of the things but not others as I was thrown back into a parent situation....a year after Mom passed we are now facing care for my MIL as the SIL that was living with her passed away. It was like going back to it after a tease of freedom. Then an old school friend who was done caregiving for their parents began to flag their new home and good fortune in my face constantly while I was thrown back into the worrisome situation starting all over again. In short, please don't feel bad for thinking of yourself and making plans! In addition to the big ones, don't forget to do small things for yourself on a daily basis as they add up too.
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Sometimes I think we feel that because they are suffering that we too must suffer. It’s like if we give up "our lives" then we are a good person. So emphatically NO there is nothing selfish about wanting to have a life that brings peace, happiness and fulfillment. Now that my dad is in NH, I’m grappling with how to handle my life. I’m sick to death of going there and hearing how depressed he is and one negative complaint after another. I told my sisters who all live in other states I’m going to pretend I’m them and not go there so much. In some ways that feels like I’m being mean but I’m just trying to protect my own brain...which dammit, I need!! I’m sorry he’s gotten to this point but it’s not my fault. I have to remind myself his basic needs are taken care of. He wants to die....it’s just all so pitiful.
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Heaven's No you are not being selfish. Good for you for taking care of yourself. I sincerely hope you will find the peace of letting go and nurturing yourself.
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Spot on Harpcat...........Must share the suffering, tired of the visits....You nailed it for me.
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I’m so glad my mother finally died. At church a man asked me how I was coping, and suddenly I pour out how long it had been, how very difficult the last 14 years were, and how glad I was it was over. He seemed shocked...
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Fly, girl, fly!!
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Auntiedodo: Honesty can be shocking for those who have no idea how hard this is. Good for you!
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I agree with previous posters. DO line up another job before you leave the current one unless you have enough money to retire.

It's much easier to get another job while you are working. But once you're unemployed, you will appear more desperate and less desirable.
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Auntiedodo, I understand. Sometimes I feel like "it's me or them". This situation can ruin your life.
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You are amazing doing what you have for so long. Yes please take care of yourself take a vacation, but don't throw away a job you have had for 16 years before you have another one. If you have benefits & retirement 16 years is an investment. It's hard to find a job when we get older. When mom passes a lot of emotions will arise. Take one day at a time. Start now to do even something small for yourself sleep will help. Take care & good luck.
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I support you 1000%! You are doing a great job. You can live your life with no regrets and I bet you will even take off some of those years from your face! Take deep breaths and smile.
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I hear time and again to NOT make any huge life changing decisions for a year after a big loss. What it sounds like you NEED, RIGHT NOW, is a respite week or month. You have some good future plans and you are wondering if you are bad for planning, that tells me that you are INCREDIBLY SLEEP DEPRIVED, get someone into your home or get mom into a NH for respite, take a week off or two, get the doctor to give you something to help you sleep and get some rest. Your body wants to run away because your head never stops. We all understand that, what next, how can, what if, why and on and on and...PLEASE for your own wellbeing take care of you starting right now, if not mom could out live you. If you end up hospitalized what happens to her then. You are obviously a rock but, even granite can crack under enough pressure. I am not trying to bring negativity to your mostly great future plans, quitting your job without one lined up is the only down side I see but, i think you should talk to the powers that be, paying you less for more work is really B.S. on their part, perhaps you can get some relief from the overload, cuz if they expect you to bring work home and not pay you, well that is what the labor laws were created to stop. As for the rest of your plans, Oh happy days ahead.

SERIOUSLY, PLEASE GET SOME SLEEP SOON!!!!
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You are not selfish rather realistic - I'm sure that with your work load that your home has been neglected - do your redecorate & enjoy it as a renewal

Just take a bit of time - you could be changing too much to soon which could put you in a tailspin - when your mom goes you may need the routine of work to keep your rhythm going

Take time for a good spa day for a facial, mani, pedi & massage to give your body a boost & reboot
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I agree with all the above comments EXCEPT I hope you wait a few months before quitting your job. Perhaps a few months FREE of the intense stress you are experiencing might give you a fresh outlook on your current job of 16 years. No harm in "looking" but don't assume a new job would be better. Good luck !
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You are not selfish. But take care of your health now! Exercise & eat healthy. Lots of veggies & fruit. I am on plant based diet. Husband had bypass 7 yrs ago. Two days after in hospital during the night he had stroke. Has moderate dementia. Loss use of left arm. Walks slow & unsteady. Two falls put in him hospital. Complete personality change for the worse. He’s 76. I’m 66. I work full time. He can still be home alone. Is forgetful & argumentive. I won’t miss him. My husband died with the stroke. I have no Guilt. You shouldn’t either. Change your perspective. The best to you.
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This adult care provider seems to have it easy if your mom is asleep her entire shift. I would first address the sun-downers. Reverse that and put the weight on the care provider who is getting paid. Paint now and refresh your home for your own emotional enjoyment now. Life is not promised to you either dear. Enjoy your time. Best of Luck
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Girl, you need it! Go for it!
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OF COURSE YOUR NOT BEING SELFISH
Looking after somone with dementia for 8 years you deserve a medal.
Your your not getting any younger yourself also and imagine have missed out on alot of things being a carer.
Although you have planned everything somtimes the elderly live much longer than any of us or Drs expected. So you may have to calculate that into uour plans also.
Hope all the best for you.
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I agree with everyone-go for it. When my wife died a friend asked me to come to his condo as he was going to be there for a week. My first response was "I can't go" (caught up in the routine of caring) then my second response was "Why not". I was gone for 3 weeks-1 week with a friend (we laughed and talked)-several days then to visit my daughter and then a week with my Dad. I read 5 books and when I came home I was more relaxed and ready to face my new journey as a single person. Go for it!
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It is not selfish to be thinking about a fresh start. I just lost my mom in December 2017. I had been working on a plan to change careers and be more flexibility and be more mobile. Nothing wrong with that. I had to prepare to make a career change after being in the same job for 20+ years, so why not utilize the available time while taking care of mom. I was able to keep her home with me until her last breath. That was my promise to her. I had no family help but did find resources for outside help. My mom also had dementia.
What I didn't expect was the flood of emotions after mom passed. I hadn't taken into account that I had never suffered a deep loss such as losing a parent. I still have no family support and very little support from friends (who never supported me all the years mom lived with me). So here I sit, 2 1/2 months later, and I am lost, the pain goes as deep as my soul, and just overcome with emotion I did not expect. I felt as though I had watched her slip away for so long, and cried almost every night, and honestly felt that it would be a relief. But I did not find that. So be prepared for what could be unexpected emotions.
I told myself I would take a trip after mom passed. I haven't had a vacation in 15 plus years. Even though I do not have the funds really, I'm doing it anyway because I promised myself. I am not the least bit excited, yet, but hope I will be fine once I get on the plane.
I am still working the 20 plus job but that's ok for now. I am allowing the emotions of grieving to come as they will. I am not holding any emotions back. I do feel that is the way to get through in a healthier way. I am still working on the skills to move into a different career, but it is slow going and I'm ok with that too. I am 60 years old and ready for a change. So I definitely understand what your are thinking.
Be sure to think it out clearly as others have said. Not always that easy to find employment as we get older. Sad but true. Nobody said you can't make your own employment! Good Luck. Everything will work out as time allows. Be patient with yourself and your mom and the process.
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Absolutely NOT (are you being selfish). Life DOES go on...I hope you take a nice break, and get your health back on track.

And BRAVO for all you have done for your mother!! It sounds like you have loved her very much...
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