My mum on a daily basis keeps saying Carers are stealing from her house to the point I’m fed up with it. The better laugh is that it’s silly things like toothpaste, pens and now this morning she said a young Carer has taken 2 balls of wool and a crochet needle. I just had to be honest with her and told her she has all the signs of Dementia and nobody is stealing stupid things from her. She went off her head shouting I’m all there and there’s nothing wrong with me. Then she slammed the phone down. I’m at my wits end as it’s very tiring. Any ideas how to handle this? She is housebound so can’t get out to take to the doctors
Instead of being “honest” with her, acknowledge her concerns by asking her to tell you more and validating her reality. “What's missing”, or “when did you notice they were missing”, may show her that you're not dismissing her concerns. Another approach may be to say, “I can hear you're concerned, mom, I'll talk to the staff about it”.
But that skill is not working in dementia sufferers, so the initial observation stands (and probably grows) to crisis proportions where any contradiction will seem confrontational.
Perhaps saying you will ask the carers or have a look next time you visit will defuse immediate concerns (call off the SWAT team!) by which time it will be forgotten or replaced with some new pilfering claim.
The price of being right might just be too high for you in this regard. I tried labeling drawers for my dad's items only to find no correlation to their contents anyway after a few weeks! Things just seem to move around...
I think Mom should have a good physical. Labs to rule out any physical thing causing her to act this way. Then a neurological test to rule out or confirm Dementia.
You couldn't bring yourself to say "oh dear, that's a shame. I should ask Young Carer about it tomorrow, perhaps she'll know what happened."
No. You had to be honest and tell this lady, who is already upset, that she has all the signs of dementia and nobody is stealing from her. You even throw in a belittling of her hobby, for good measure. Her wool and her crochet needle are stupid - nobody else would even want them, only you, you daft old bat.
And this was aimed at calming her down, was it?
Who's sending the carers? I should give them a call, explain that your mother is making accusations which you are *sure* are unfounded, and discuss what can be done to reassure her.
As for getting medical input: if you have her permission, you can call her GP and book a telephone consultation which might at least get some balls rolling (though at the moment, don't be surprised if no one wants to do anything).
I wish you luck. As I said, eventually you will notice things that MUST BE ADDRESSED. The NYT had a recent article in business section about the fact it is now believed that our executive functions may "go" slowly over 6 years time BEFORE we are diagnosied with dementia of any kind. Scary thought that.