I live 800 miles from my 95-year old mom, but I handle her bills and I'm on her bank accounts. She has round the clock help at home. Every time I talk to her (nearly every day), she starts ranting about her money, accusing me of stealing it, of changing her bank, of hiding things from her, of not letting her near her money. I have never taken a dime from her and she has access to several well-funded checking accounts. Is this obsession with money common in dementia? Honestly, it's getting to the point where I don't want to pick up the phone.
I would start by telling mom that you are not stealing her money or just say "ok mom, I hear you" and cut the calls short. Do not get into an argument with her because you can and will not be able to reason with her. Is there a reason why you call her everyday? Can you just call her 2 to 3 times a week? Or just talk to the caretaker to see how mom is doing.
Others will be on here soon and they will be able to help you more than I can. Your not alone when it comes to this behavior.
hello? perhaps someone is trying to place the blame elsewhere?/// ????
She has round the clock help at home. SERIOUSLY... LOOK AT YOUR POST... !!!
She has round the clock help at home. She has round the clock help at home. She has round the clock help at home. She has round the clock help at home.
maybe it's time to make a visit??/ see how she is really being cared for? She has round the clock help at home.
i screen all phone calls to feel out her mood. Then call back if she is fairly nice. Which is not often. I feel your pain.
She is terrified to spend money. Her house needs painting, new windows and some other smaller maintenance things. She refuses to pay for any of it. I've tried telling her that it's not required to honk out cash. She can get a very low interest home equity loan. She won't hear of having another "bill". She has no debt, she is referring to utilities and very reasonable property taxes and insurance.
She says she "might need that money someday". Well guess what. This is someday. And what better way to spend assets than improving your already valuable asset, your home?
The most recent money argument was over running the sprinklers for an hour on her bone dry garden. Wasting water!!!!!!! She will shut the dishwasher off mid-cycle to save water and electricity. Hangs her clothes all over instead of using the dryer. I ran some errands for her this week and spent about $100. She asked when I got home if she had any money left.
I know it's hard to get family members closer to their LO's, but sometimes it's better to hear those words, someone else is in mom's house, and mom is thinking things, like money, are being disbursed without her knowledge.
With this, dare I say, perhaps it would be a thought to try to move mom closer to a family member?
If it's possible, that may be a good thing to think about, getting mom closer to keep better tabs on her and what's going on.
My friend moved her parents and her FIL into a facility that caters to staying in place for the elders when they go through the stages of aging. And in between all of this, she is also in charge of her Great Aunt. Yes, she is moving her to be close. Nothing wrong with that. She will have everyone in close range to help them without being hundreds of miles away.
So. Losingitinmo, I am sorry for your situation. If at all possible, think about moving mom closer to you, so you can keep tabs on her, and perhaps have quality family time with her..
If I offended you, please accept my apology.
If you could find a place, mention, house repairs, she must be out for a few days... maybe termites.. and "test drive" her in a facility for week... ?
best wishes for you.