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I am my mother's sole caregiver, I own the house we stay in. I have a brother, he is not capable of caring for my mother. I have a sister who is mentally unstable, she is out of the picture. I am 62 my mom is 83 with some dementia. I clean everyday and bathe her. So my question is if something was to happen to me, there isn't anyone else. Should I move her into a nursing home now and sell my house? It would be less stress for me. I am single, no kids. She gets mad everytime I say something about a nursing home, but I have no family to depend on if something were to happen to me. Thanks for listening.

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You are 63. My daughter's age. You have two more decades ahead.
Can you tell me why you are worrying about this now? Are you unwell?
I believe your mother will well and certainly be gone before you are.

If you wish your mother to go into care now so that you can have some modicum of a life of your own for the next two decades that is another question.
She would go into a nursing home of ALF and pay her funds until they run out. When they run out she would/you would help her to apply for Medicaid.

You should NEVER EVER sell your own home for her care. What will that leave you for your OWN care in the future?

Glad that you consider these things. Just wonder why you do them at so young an age. Do tell us more if you are suffering illnesses that make you feel you may be leaving your Mom alone.

Should you meet your demise, and any of us may whether we are 2 or 102, then your son would likely be contacted as next of kin. Were he unwilling/unable to take on care he could allow the state to take on care of your mother if she's incompetent to manage her own care. The state would place her in care and apply for governmental funds to help to care for her.

Best to you.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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I just want to say, good that you worry about this now. We never know what tomorrow will bring. When we have care off a LO, we do need to look at the "what ifs". I have a disabled nephew who is able to live in his own for now. I am 75. There is no one to oversee him if I am not here. So, I was able to set up a State coordinator and they supply an aide once a week. This Coordinator can do a lot for my nephew. He could have him placed if the need arises. A lot has been taken out of my hands.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Is she bedridden? Cannot do her ADLs? Maybe consider hospice for her?

Or, is she a candidate for LTC, which is covered by Medicaid if she also qualifies financially? I'd talk to her primary care physician about this.

You can allow her to become a ward of the county. My family's personal experience with this and my SFIL was actually a good one: the social workers were very sympathetic my MIL's and family's situation. The guardian had oversight by 2 others for accountability (Lutheran Social Services), and was very communicative with us. He (the guardian) even relocated SFIL to a facility closer to us to make it easier to transport my MIL to visit him. You visit her as much as you'd like wherever she lands, and you retain your finances, your life, your health and your sanity.

If you sell your home to pay for your Mom's care, the above scenario will probably happen to you -- except will there be anyone to over see it for you? It's a solution, for your Mom, if you accept it as such.
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