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You'd think I'd know this by now!


Mom has had an internal catheter and urine collector bag for over 5 years. It was NEVER a good 'fit' and she leaked a lot, but just put a pad in her underwear. She had to empty the bag twice a day, which was a chore, but she didn't have to go to the bathroom and she was happy with that 'freedom'.


I guess the cath stopped working and the dr pulled it and said "You can't wear this forever--it's actually making you have constant UTI's and we cannot treat them".


So she has to wear 'diapers' (She calls them that, I don't) and she says they don't catch a thing, she 'gushes' urine all over the place every time she stands up or sits down. I think her sphincter is completely shot--she can't hold or release urine.


I said "Mom, there are countless incontinence products out there. How often are you changing them out?' Well, once a day. Because they are so expensive. (SMH)


I told her I would see if y'all had really good recommendations for products that hold a LOT of fluid. Besides baby diapers, which, BTW, will hold up tp 6 CUPS of water before they explode. (Thank you 5th grade science fair!)


I think she is putting one on with a pad in the am and expecting it to hold the day's urine.


She truly HATES going to the bathroom. I don't think she can actually 'go' but she needs to change more often.


On the bright side, her apartment doesn't stink anymore. It was those old, cracked, stained cath bags hanging around.


MAybe some hints I can give her about making the change quickly? I think she's struggling with that, too.

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We use just the Walmart brand depends called “Assurance With tabs” so cheap enough and we use a Walgreens overnight pad in them they are called “Certainty women’s pads” they are ultimate absorbency and usually they are buy 1 get second for half off.
I do not use these for their lower cost as it’s what we grabbed day one when we knew nothing and they have worked very well since - I know how important skin integrity and UTI are so I would not have kept these brands if they didn’t work well..so these are 2 products that are cheaper in price and work for my mom (whom is bed or wheelchair at all times). She will have to change any product more than once a day though so maybe trying just the large panty liner it will help her just change that throughout the day?
We also use the external cath at night - it’s called the purewick (you can google) - that is costly. But my moms overnight pantry liner from Walgreens works very well for when she is out all day - it absorbs a lot and seldom leaks - so maybe check Walgreens for buy one get 50% off the second?
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You mean like a poise pad but bigger? Along with the incontinence 'panty'? I should have poked my head in her bathroom and seen what kind she's buying--if I know her, and I do, she's going with the thinnest ones possible and not changing them out.

Why the catheter and the bag strapped to her leg were more accpetable than wearing a panty is beyond me. She's had several surgeries to repair bladder prolapse and none of them helped. I feel for her--although she smells so much better it's amazing. I think she got out of the habit of going to the toilet and just enjoyed the 'freedom' of the cath bag.

Wondering if she has a panty-type thing or one that rips up the sides like a baby diaper. Maybe she could change the kind she uses--IDK, she brought up the subject so that means I can talk to her about it.

Watching her go through YEARS of bladder leakage has made me grateful I gave birth via-c-section 5 times and have the pelvic floor of a 16 year old! If I'd pushed those 10 lb babies out this would be ME dealing with leaking!
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Maple3044 Oct 2021
Love your sense of humor!! We all need to be able to laugh at the silly things that go on.
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It sounds as though she's looking for the ability to never have to change or spend and that's an impossibility, no matter what she uses it needs to be changed out when wet or she risks skin breakdown and yes, UTI's. Not to mention the overflow soaking into her clothes, furniture and carpet is going to make the odours you noticed before seem mild in comparison.
Take some time to check out the websites of Depends, Always, Tena and whatever other products are easily available at your local stores, they are full of information about their products and some even provide free samples. If she really can't/won't change more than once a day then you will probably need to order one of the premium products - google something like "best adult diapers" to find reviews.
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For night time I use an external catheter for Mom. 8 to 12 hours it will collect. Daytime I use pull ups with an inside ruffled legs liner with no sides. It’s like wearing double pull up.
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After studying the PureWick system and running the concept past mom, it was indeed what she had seen advertised on TV.

I'm going up tomorrow with my laptop and having her watch the 'tutorial' so she has an idea of what she'd be getting into.

If she wants to order a system, then she needs YB's OK. She will NOT be able to empty the contents of the container w/o spilling, just won't happen--so somebody from YB's home will need to step up. There's 6 adults living there--shouldn't be too hard.

If she could wake up dry--I think it would be a game changer, Yes, they are very expensive, but she has the money for it and will pay for it herself. Maybe it will cut down on her crazy catalog spending!

I also am going to encourage her to buy better incontinence 'diapers'. She goes real cheap on those. And encourage her to change them more often than every 6 hrs. Then I am done with this drama :)
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Thanks--not really MY problem, since I don't drive her anywhere anymore, but I do sense she will not try different products.

She has no computer abilities, so I guess I can do some research. I am positive she's buying the cheapest thing out there and trying to make it last for 12 hours.

This is a new thing--before the catheterization, she was just lightly 'leaking' but after that many years with a cath bag, she got complacent. It leaked a lot too, b/c she wouldn't empty it frequently enough. I don't get why a cath bag strapped to her leg is 'better' than a depends of some kind. The cath bag leaked a LOT of the time and all her clothes just stunk.

Always something, isn't it?
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Midkid58: this is probably more than you asked for but for my H with incontinence: during the day he wears a brief (such as Depends or Tena) AND an incontinence pad. That way I can pull the pad out periodically during the day (a lot simpler than undressing and changing into new dry clothes each time). I haven't calculated but it may be cheaper too when you use the pad as well, since the full brief costs more (but you have to change it less often). Because he has dementia, I have to check his underwear and change it.
At night I put a "wrap-around" extra thick diaper on him because he could never get through the night with a Depends and pad-there were side leaks. On top of it, he wears a stretchy long boxer short to keep it in place during the night. Most nights he gets through to morning without leaking.
Another thing to watch for is diaper rash. I routinely use a barrier cream and if I notice a rash possibility I apply Desiden, or "Butt Paste".
Good Luck with your Mom! At least she is able to change herself but needs convincing on how often. Perhaps a suggested routine of checking the pad every 2 hours during the day might work, and stressing the importance of changing out the pad, to avoid a nasty case of diaper rash.
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Try Tena Super, as well as underwear which had waterproof lining inside for any extra leaks. I don't know where you live but here in Australia the Tena Pads are $12 for 30 pads. In some Chemists we can buy 4 packs & get the 5th one free. The "supers" are really large & thick. Good luck, I know how she feels.
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Well--sheesh--you'd think I'd learn!

I talked to mom a few weeks ago about the PureWick system, which she had seen on TV but couldn't wrap her brain around. I told her I would look into it for her. She is always complaining about her issues with her 'diapers' (I do not call them that, she does) and esp about wetting the bed every night and what a mess that is..on and on...

So, ok, I look it up, watch the video. Read the reviews, do the research and decide that this is something that could really benefit her.

Went up yesterday and plugged in my laptop and couldn't get the wifi to connect and everyone in the house is ASLEEP (it's 1 pm!!) and I can't get anyone to answer the phone and give me the stupid wifi security code, so I could only use my phone and mom couldn't see the video---

This all takes me an hour and finally she 'gets it' and says "Oh, I talked to R (my YB who 'cares' for her) and he said that these things are just horrible, cause UTI's all the time and are impossible to empty without spilling. He decided I didn't need it."

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I said "Mom, R tells you what HE WANTS YOU TO HEAR so you will quietly obey him. Are you not even going to TRY this? You LIKE waking up sopping wet and smelly and changing your bed from the pad out every day?"

I mean, yeah, it was pointless to be angry with her. If R says she can't have/do something, it can't happen. I HATE that he brainwashes her. Hate, hate, hate it.

I actually asked her to call him (he was just upstairs in bed) to get the code and she said "Oh, that phone number is only for work calls. He doesn't pick up". Well, that also is a lie and a pretty mean one too. She cannot get up the huge flight of stairs to where the family lives, so she just relies on listening for someone to walk downstairs to grab them and get a message to R.

It's no skin off my nose. R does not return phone calls, texts or emails, ever. And he wonders why the rest of us sibs get mad at him. It would take 5 minutes to compose and send a text or email once a month to let us know how mom is or what she may need from one of us.

I'm going to take a minute to cool off and might place a call to APS next week. I truly think his behavior towards her borders on abuse. Definitely neglect--where she has to sit and wait for anyone to come down the stairs before she can find someone to help her--no one will answer her calls! And the house is full of 4 adult daughters ages 24-34 along with my SIL and my brother. She should not have to sit in a messy diaper b/c she can't wipe herself anymore. It's humiliating and I feel, abusive.

Done with the rant. I guess I just don't 'get' that mom will not stand up to R and he has total mental control over her. I don't think that's right at all.
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Recently moved my mom into assisted living and with her being an extreme fall risk I didn’t want her getting out of bed during the night to use bathroom. She’s not incontinent and I didn’t want her wearing a diaper with risk of infections, skin problems and her dignity. In comes the Purewick system! Wow what a wonderful invention. It’s comfortable, leak free and she doesn’t even feel it. At first her caregivers were having a tough time placing it, even after I sent them the user video. But after the operator error was solved it’s been a game changer. Not one drop on bed, she’s comfortable, dry and most importantly staying in bed all night. She actually loves it and sleeping better without the stress of getting out of bed to pee. It’s expensive as hell and I’ve tried finding something similar with no luck. But I hope others will be coming out soon with more competitive prices. The nightly replacement wicks are $6.67 each which runs $200 a month. On eBay and Amazon they’re up to $18 each! Best prices are on their website at this point. I still check eBay hoping to find replacement boxes that maybe someone doesn’t need anymore. Haha I heard Medicare helps pay but I haven’t checked into that yet. Too much on my plate as it is with her care etc.. Fyi I paid $995 for the start up system without battery because her AL has a generator. That included 3 months supply of the disposable wicks. I also bedazzled the bedside collection container with pink crystals to match her apt. 🤗👑❤️
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