I worked full time then had to go down to 2 days a week. Hospitalization in an out. Both of them. Health doing down fast, both are 83 years old. I had to give up my life to care for them. The problem is they say I should take care of them, Dr. visits, bills, shopping, the house, yard, and all above! Plus they say I have to pay them half of all expenses, house, water, electric, food and so and so on. I work and take care of them but I have to pay them also? Why would you do this to your child? My mom is the worst, she is mad at the world all the time and insults me everyday and doesn't care to hurt my feelings. They can't afford paid help. I am at my wits in. I wish I had my simple life back. Don't get me wrong I love my parent's dearly and just can't put them in assistance living, that's not for them. Any advice is appreciate.
You ask "Why would parents do this to their child?" My big question concerns why would an adult child accept this kind of treatment?
What was your relationship with your parents like before they developed dementia?
I’m not asking in terms of any expectations of getting them - if any - to help with the work load but wondering about complications should you be able to get your parents to enter into a caregivers contract with you. And depending on the amount of work you’ve doing for them - you should probably have one. One where they pay you - not the other way around.
In all things considered, your parents should be paying YOU for being their caregiver. If you weren't around, they would be paying a caregiving Agency around $30/hour or more to take care of both of them, or living in senior care that they could afford after selling the house.
You are no longer working full-time, thus are losing salary big time... and not only salary but the benefits offered by your employer, such as health insurance.... payroll taxes to built up your Social Security and your Medicare.... paid vacation days... paid sick days.... profit sharing... matching 401(k), etc. All those benefits you are losing ARE worth money.
Time to stop enabling your parents. I know it is not easy, it's down right hard. Tell your parents you can no longer do the yard work, make up a "theraputic fib", it's ok to do that. Cut back on taking your parents to doctor appointments. I found back when I had broken my upper arm and couldn't drive for 6 months, my parents who were in their 90's, survived not going to the doctor every other week. And find other things to cut back on doing. Eventually your parents will get the idea.
Note that close to 40% of caregivers pass while taking care of their love ones. Really bad odds. Now what?
And for goodness sake, up your hours at work. Going to work help makes you feel sane in this crazy journey at elder care. If your parents complain, tell them you cannot afford not to keep working.