Dad is approaching 90 years old and is fully aware with no memory issues, takes care of all his own bills, etc, and insists on independence. I thought he was driving well, but his driving at night was awful recently. Last year I rode with him on errands and an appointment so I could see how he was doing, and his driving and parking was spot on. But I accepted a short ride before dawn one morning recently, and it was scary. He does not drive at night at all otherwise. Now I'm scared about his daytime driving but I'm not with him generally so I don't know. I'm scared he might hurt someone or himself. We're in California. Does DMV deal with this at all, and can I report him and be anonymous? Should I speak to our local police about this? I don't want him to find out it was me. He insists he's doing well and doesn't need help. My therapist tells me this is not my responsibility, but I feel like since I knew about the dark-time incident, it kind of IS?
Since he otherwise doesn’t drive in the middl of the night, his night driving is irrelevant to his driving safety at this time
What’s relevant is he drives fine during the daytime so why would you anonymously report his driving as a concern? There’s a lot of people who drive fine during the day when it’s light out but can’t drive at night and he sounds like he’s one of them so if you want to know see how he drives during the DAY and if he’s fine then no basis to report anything- once my dad was in his 70s and 80s and was still active he drove during the day ( he had good night vision too but never drove at night bc he was an early to bed person who started his day early and got all his errands and things he wanted to do done by mid afternoon at the latest usually by 2 or 3 pm at the very latest, my mother was safe to drive during but once she was in her sixties on she didn’t have good night vision and by the age usually didn’t have anywhere to go at night obviously but the couple times she did in her late sixties have something she wanted to attend after it was dark she either declined or asked someone else - by the age of early 70’s didn’t involve going out at night as is pretty much the case for most folks once they’re in that season of life .
what’s relevant and important is his daytime driving and it sounds like that’s something he easily does, if you want to make sure you can ask him to drive somewhere close by w you during the day and if it’s fine then you know he’s fine to drive
Since he is mentally competent, he is responsible for his own actions, not you,
The Dr, said it is easier to tell a person they have a terminal disease than to tell them they can not drive.
Good luck
But never mind. The thing is, DMV does issue licences and no doubt are the people to approach, but what are you expecting them to do with an anonymous report from a concerned citizen? If anyone could get anyone's licence suspended in that way, just imagine the mischief people at loggerheads could cause to one another.
He insists he's doing well and doesn't need help. He rejected your offer, indeed your booking, of driving services. So that leaves - just how specific and explicit with him have you been about what's wrong with the way he's driving?
Presumably it's a vision problem, which is no doubt why he's dodging his eye tests. He knows very well he can't see. He just doesn't want to know it *officially.*
Someone is going to have to tell him he is being an idiot. If it's cataracts, they can be dealt with and, God willing, all things being equal, he'll be back on the road safely before too long. It's a less treatable eye problem, then even if it's not curable his choice is between treatment to conserve his vision, the sooner the better, or blindness - and even he can't think he'll be driving if he's registered blind.
No more pussyfooting around his feelings. If you can't be blunt with him about the sheer stupidity of ignoring this problem, do you know someone who can?
stupid, he’s 90.
After numerous discussions with my wife concerning this matter and at every breath she refused to ever think that her driving was suspect. All of the 50 years I have known her, she could only concentrate on ONE thing at a time. I did report my wife to the DMV because numerous Drs refused to get involved. She was having Partial Complex seizers at that time. When my then 10 YO son came home from being out with her scared to the point of shaking saying "Daddy, I never want to go ANYWHERE mommy is driving!". I had known her driving skills were lacking, and this was long before her dementia diagnosis, but I did nothing.
Doing this was one of the biggest stress relief actions of my life. I have never regretted it nor have I ever felt guilty about about it.
He was very angry when I took away his keys...understandably. He also was addicted to oxycodone for back pain and sciatica. So, I started taking him and picking him up from the nursing home twice a day - at meal times for my mom. At that time, I was a nurse working every weekend and homeschooling our son during the week. I took him to every doc appointment which, until that time, was his socialization outlet. It was hard but necessary. I am thankful to Jesus that he had not been in an accident causing injury to someone else before this.
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