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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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I tape recorded my mom a couple times because twisted sisters and auntie dearest did not believe how sick mom had become with her Alzheimer's. Did it help? No not really. Some just prefer their state of denial and that is nearly impossible to change.
I think Grammyteacher hits the nail on the head - why the need for secrecy? Why not record conversations and events in any case, for posterity even if you like; and if they also serve as a useful baseline for comparison there's nothing wrong with that.
You could do that but it will serve no purpose other than to hurt/anger him.
If you are dealing with dementia and short term memory loss he might recognise his decline in that moment by viewing some video but would most likely forget and/or be in denial about it. You'd have to keep repeating the process.
This seems to me to be a punitive approach. Don't do it.
I have short video clips over the course of time and progression. I never did this in sneaky ways and I have never showed them to her or anyone other than my husband (and happy ones to close family) when we are trying to track her progress. Even though we keep a journal, it is easy to not realize how much decline has happened.
Some of the videos are actually sharable moments too...her singing Happy birthday...her smiling and laughing as she tells us stories (even though you can't understand the story)...her holding her great grandbaby when he was new...who is 3 today...sad thing is she doesn't even "see" the newest great grandbaby that is 5 months old...progression. Those are times when the progression really stands out. Without the video, I am not sure I would have as realistic can memory of how she was 3 years ago. For me, it all just smooshes together.
I think taking video to track progress or for remembering sweet moments, is fine....if you are trying to "prove" something about progression or are going to use it in a way that could be degrading or disrespectful to the person, that is wrong.
Is there some reason why you feel the need to record him? When my mother started showing signs of decline, there was no doubt in anyone's mind that she was in the first stages of dementia. I didn't have to prove it to anyone. I would suggest having a meeting with sibs if you have any and sharing what you've observed. You can also go to his doctor and privately share your concerns. The doctor should order psychological testing which can prove or disprove your suspicions to anyone. If you should want to use these secret recordings, I am not certain they would be admissible as evidence since they were made without his knowledge. It could be considered an invasion of his privacy.
They might be useful for showing her Dr, but no one else. Keeping videos of LO's, for the sake of the memories of good times past is a great idea, and I wish I had done that more. Snapshot pix are great, but those videos are priceless!
They will be nice to view, when you wish to remember them BEFORE Dementia robbed them of their faculties.
There comes a time, after the've passed away, when you finally begin remembering them Before illness, and that is now and finally how I remember my folks, despite the horrible endings to their lives! The videos will be great for that reason, the happy times!
Secretly, it is an invasion of privacy, legally, imo.
If you were using it as a documentary, you would need written, legal permission. If later, you are making it into a movie, you would need a contract. If ever, you posted it on social media and it became viral, a family member objected and sued you, that would be a hot mess. Memories are enough, and the mind has a way of softening or rewriting those. Give the privacy and respect to your father that any human being should get. Please consider his needs above your own in this instance.
Hoping that your motivation is not coming from a need to be heard, to be understood, or to prove to siblings (or someone else) that he is, indeed declining. You can tell that to the caregivers here who are going through what you are, as many can identify with you, and will understand. Are the doctors listening to you?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If you are dealing with dementia and short term memory loss he might recognise his decline in that moment by viewing some video but would most likely forget and/or be in denial about it. You'd have to keep repeating the process.
This seems to me to be a punitive approach. Don't do it.
Some of the videos are actually sharable moments too...her singing Happy birthday...her smiling and laughing as she tells us stories (even though you can't understand the story)...her holding her great grandbaby when he was new...who is 3 today...sad thing is she doesn't even "see" the newest great grandbaby that is 5 months old...progression. Those are times when the progression really stands out. Without the video, I am not sure I would have as realistic can memory of how she was 3 years ago. For me, it all just smooshes together.
I think taking video to track progress or for remembering sweet moments, is fine....if you are trying to "prove" something about progression or are going to use it in a way that could be degrading or disrespectful to the person, that is wrong.
They will be nice to view, when you wish to remember them BEFORE Dementia robbed them of their faculties.
There comes a time, after the've passed away, when you finally begin remembering them Before illness, and that is now and finally how I remember my folks, despite the horrible endings to their lives! The videos will be great for that reason, the happy times!
If you were using it as a documentary, you would need written, legal permission.
If later, you are making it into a movie, you would need a contract.
If ever, you posted it on social media and it became viral, a family member objected and sued you, that would be a hot mess.
Memories are enough, and the mind has a way of softening or rewriting those.
Give the privacy and respect to your father that any human being should get.
Please consider his needs above your own in this instance.
Hoping that your motivation is not coming from a need to be heard, to be understood, or to prove to siblings (or someone else) that he is, indeed declining.
You can tell that to the caregivers here who are going through what you are, as many can identify with you, and will understand.
Are the doctors listening to you?