My mom is 90 with Alzheimers. She lives three minutes away by car and my 26 daughter (pregnant) lives there as well. My husband complains that i put him last and by the time he sees me, I'm exhausted. I often am. My daughter and I both work full time. Caregiver one day a week($) for laundry, general cleaning. Mom is alone all day, can't remember to eat. I go there almost daily. I admit the whole change of moving her here and caregiving has changed me. I am not fun, am wiped out, and slightly depressed. I see him slipping away but not wanting to. What to do?
My husband passed away 3 years ago and I often think that caregiving would be worse if he were here because we wouldn't have our quality time together. That quality time your husband is so important. Take it from me - I would give anything to just see my husband's wonderful face one more time.
I desperately miss him but don't even have time to touch my feelings these days. It's all one big grind.
I go to work at 6:30 am...............(in our basement office)
Then my inlaws wake up at 9:30............bathroom, cleanup, dress them, make their breakfast, clean it up,
run back down to my office for another 2 hrs.
Then .....lunch, clean it up, bathroom, cleanup, settle them at table for afternoon,
run back down to my office for another 3 hours.
Then start dinner, cleanup dinner, bathroom, cleanup, settle them in front of tv, give them their ice cream, more bathroom issues, bedtime ritual etc. By the time I get into bed, I am wasted.
I can't imagine how hard this would be on a marriage.
But I also think about how much help my husband would be if he were still here.
You must put your marriage first. I certainly would if I could :(
Mom needs more in-home care during the day. Maybe a personal care attendant or a health aide. NOT you or your daughter, but someone hired to be with Mom, help her with lunch, take her for walks, etc.
It sounds like Mom needs more care, and you need to give less care. One solution is the fill that gap with hiring more care. What is Mom's financial situation? Can she afford this?
Is Mom on Medicaid? If so, there may be some funds for respite care. You need it.