I am caring for an elderly friend. She is 77 and I am 60.
I retire next year. My friend has no one else. Her husband died a year and a half ago and they had no children and she has no siblings. Her health is not good . She is on oxygen and walks with a walker. Up until this past week she still worked part time but she can't anymore. Her oxygen level is so low that her doctor wanted her to go to the hospital and she won't go. Her total income is 1500 a month since she is not working. Her apt costs 750 a month plus electricity. I found a senior living facility that would cost her 400 a month and that includes her electricity. She won't move.
She always reminds me that I am all she has. I have a husband who is already retired and two grown sons who are staying with us temporarily . She can't live with us. My folks live 5 hours away from us. Mom Is 87 and Dad is 90. They are doing great! Live in their own home and have enough money to go to assisted Living if they need to in the future. They want me to visit more when I retire. This is why I want my friend to be in a safe facility instead of alone in an apt. I have her power of attorney and am beneficiary on her life insurance policy which is enough to bury or cremate her and have a little left over. And that is fine. She has around 10,000 in savings which she will need to supplement her rent now that she is not working . I just worry about what will happen to when her money runs out?
Any ideas to get her to move to the cheaper senior apt? She still has to get on the list for the senior apt
I have a hopeful idea. That senior housing for $400. Have you visited it? Is it nice? YOU look first, look at some options that might suit your friend. Then, insist that she take time to EXPLORE the option - no committments. But you can tell her you will need a vacation or you could get sick, and you love helping her, but you cannot do all of her care - and that you want her to go, with you, to the facility and visit. Go and hang out with her there. When you leave, just say, "it's an option". Don't make her decide. You can discuss it, pros and answer any cons, but again, don't lead her to decide yet. Get her to go back for another visit with you. I find that almost all elders refuse any change, if asked ahead of time. To them, change means uncertainty, feeling lost, feeling alone with that feeling - so it really matters to persuade her to visit, using whatever persuasion you can muster. AFTER two visits, if you think the place is a good option, just talk up the good points, and talk with the facility about a month trial - not one where you come home on weekends. After all the talking and considering it will be easier for you to persuade her to give it a real try, and tell her you will stand behind her if she doesn't want to stay. If they don't have enough activities, you can make plans to add one regular one, or a regular helper.
This transition phase is challenging, but it is so worth it, to look closely and let her have a real chance to try it - after 3 weeks. My disabled brother has great nursing home, where he can walk outdoors with his walker to nearby church. I went through a transition set of observations and trial with him - he does well and has been there 7 years by now - he moved in at 56, due to balance issues.
Its nice u care for this woman but u have ur own family. I'm to the point I point u in the right direction and its up to u to carry thru. Sometimes u do too much for people and they forget how to do for themselves.
Before you talk to her call the office of Aging and run her problem by her. They may have services who can help. You may want to talk to the lawyer to see about him taking over her POA and insurance. He then would be looking out for her. Me personally wouldn't hold POA for anyone but family. When u get all ur ducks in a row, then sit downand explain to her what you've said here. You never know what life is going to dish out. You need to enjoy your family, parents and retirement. The women has to realize her life is not going to get better. Up now she is lucky to have u as a friend but changes now have to be made.
Good luck
Once she is in nursing care, u can visit and do what u can or her financially. I think it was said that oncehe is on Medicaid the home can be made payee or her SS. Then u don't have to worry about that.
I do feel for you. I wouldn't want this responsibility and decision. I hope we all learn from the experences we read on this site. We have to plan ahead and not put the burden on our children or other relatives. We need to take care of ourselves.
did go look at one of the senior living facilities and
she qualifies for a subsidy. That would make her rent
450 and that includes electricity. It was senior
living not assisted . And it was a nice place with
lots of activities. But she refuses to move anywhere.
She cries when I suggest it. I'm am going to have to
have a heart to heart talk with her .