Hi. I have a 93-year-old mother who has a cat that doesn't like to be touched other than on her head. My Mom cannot remember this of course, so the cat has bitten her more than once. This has resulted in infections in the past. This morning she has a couple of bites on her hand. She is quite attached to this cat and would be very upset if we give her away. On most occasions the cat sits on her lap and sleeps with her and has been quite comforting. Would love some feedback on this issue. Thanks in advance.
Don’t take away her life-long friend. They’ve been friends for a long time.
Not everything can be fixed. Not everything can proceed without mourning.
I would rehome this animal where it can be loved and cared for by someone with capacity. I would get a gentle cat to replace it for my mother.
This is an individual decision you must make, knowing all that is involved. Our elders are fragile and frail and without the ability to heal as once they did.
I am so sorry.
How old is the cat? Animals can get dementia. My 16-yr old dog had it. Their behaviors change, too.
don’t take away the cat!
Your mom is 93. The goal isn’t to live as long as possible. Your mom loves her cat. The cat loves her. How many people have that in their lives? Very, very few.
Her cat has been loyal to her for years.
Both cat’s heart and mom’s heart. OP, do you really want to break TWO hearts?
And by the way OP, your heart will be broken by breaking their hearts. So that’s THREE broken hearts.
And then all of us on the forum will also have broken hearts. That’s like 1,500 broken hearts.
Do you really want that?
:)
My mom’s cat is skin sensitive, plus has old man pain in his hips and back feet. I worked on it daily with him. He is still a bit twitchy, but no longer so reactive. He tolerates petting, and when it’s too much, stops himself from chomping down.
Cats are prey-driven animals, so perhaps her cat needs more daily interactive play away from hands (for example, I avoid nose boops or finger chase, which associates fingers with biting.) I throw one or two of his toys he likes to kick and bite and make a big deal out of what a gooooood boy he is. If he gets excited and goes for my hand when I pick up a toy, I calmly say “no hand,” distract him in another direction, then toss a toy. In the beginning, he got a small treat, but now 5 min a day and no treat other my admiration of his awesomeness does it. I don’t punish, always praise when he’s done it correctly. I’ve found saying “no” 100% fails, but saying “no” and immediately redirecting to something acceptable to me that he likes works. No hands, here’s your toy, what a good boy.
I did play time only for awhile, before I touched him anywhere other than his head. I wanted him to associate me with nice things before working on the stuff potentially painful to either of us.
If you don’t have the time, patience or consistency (no judgement from me because not everyone does), you might see if there’s a trainer, nearby vet tech on the side, or pet sitter who can come out for awhile. Our cat was senior when I started working with him. Right now, he’s stretched out against me, enjoying pets on his floofy tummy, whereas before I would have been bloody.
I took my mom’s cat and dog for care reasons, but I was wrong. The animals were the only things left that Mom truly cared about and for and the only ones who loved her just for her. All the people around her were paid to be, and she was alone.
Also someone mentioned trusting her to care for the cat, you might need to watch over the care or get an automatic feeder, auto water-er and maybe auto-litter box that you (or someone) can monitor.
Finally I don’t have have this, but some in-home security cameras have pet detection and there are pet cameras. Maybe you could be high tech and monitor for kitty and see what your mom is doing when he bites her, then you’d know more what prompted the bite if otherwise the cat is good.
Just like when a human acts up and can’t tell why, I start with the basics first: physical and mental health, stimulation levels (too high or low), appropriate socialization, &c.
Hope any of this is helpful. Thank you for caring about the situation and trying to see if there are any good solutions for both human and cat.
I will admit that I tried getting my mother to spend time playing with the kitten that she got during covid but she wasn’t great with follow through even though I sent her a ton of different toys. Of course that’s just my mother but a lot of people do have problems with keeping up with play time. Now that my mother lives closer to me since the covid restrictions have been lifted I have the cat.
It is difficult to re-home older animals, especially cats. One thing you could do, if any family members are able, is place the cat with someone who is able to bring the cat by for long visits but that is still not the same as having the cat with you.
Having a pet has so many positive effects on their owners that I would try to find a way even if your mother has to wear gloves. Latex gloves are not enough to stop cat claws or many times the teeth, take it from a vet tech who knows from experience! You may also want to ask her doctor if it would be possible to have some antibiotics at home to prevent an infection in the event that she does get a bite. I’ve worked with young healthy vets who have taken that approach when they’ve been bitten.
I wish you luck!
Latex gloves, some people are allergic to them. Me, I feel like my hands are always wet. Not sure if they would glide over fur. There is a glove made to groom the cat while u pet it.
Don’t take away my cat. Don’t take away my friend. I’ve had a long life. I’ll die eventually of something anyway. Let me have my friend.
I gave it to DH aunts dog (in water) to help him with hip pain. I also gave it to aunt and truly believe it helped with her self inflicted skin picking. I know it helped me with pain. The good thing about CBD oil is that you don’t take it and wait a month to see if it helps.
It helps within a short while if it is going to help the problem being treated ( this was my experience). I had piriformis muscle pain it seemed to eliminate but didn’t help my intermittent mid back pain as an example.
I would never take her pet from her. I think that would be cruel.
I mean, this is me a stranger in the internet. You know her better than I do, but I am concerned that the cat is in pain and or your mom is just aggravating the cat.
DH’s grandpa did this to his toy poodle (old poodle) when he was in his 90s. He just started aggravating the dog when the dog was very clearly giving signals to back off. The dog would bite and GFIL’s skin would bleed profusely and was covered with scratches. Covered in scratches.
It turns out the dog was dying and probably in pain and we had to put him down.
Is mom not in pain from the bites? DH’s grandpaw was in pain from the dog bites and scratches.
The only difference is now mom cannot remember that the cat does not like to be touched anywhere but on the top of it's head.
No vet appointments or medications are going to change the cat.
Animals, just like people have certain likes and dislikes. Humans should be respectful of this and if moms dementia is progressing the cat should be removed from moms care.
Sad for mom but overall better for both mom and cat. Hopefully a caring family member can take the cat in. Maybe they can bring the cat for supervised visits too.
I'd recommend a vet visit for kitty if there hasn't been one. There may be medical or dental health problems that need treatment. I would describe your mom's home situation to the vet and ask for advice. Low dose Prozac could be helpful, as could gabapentin if kitty tolerates it (it can cause diarrhea in some cats). I've never tried CBD oil for cats. As others have mentioned, Feliway may help. Biting behavior also can be addressed by training. It seems unlikely that your mom will remember to wear gloves, but it may be worth a try.
I would explore ALL possibilities before you consider rehoming your mom's cat. They are truly attached, and separation would be SO difficult for your mom and for her cat. If your mom remains in actual danger from bites/infections despite remediation efforts, there might be a compromise situation if it can be done and is absolutely necessary. Could a relative or neighbor who lives reasonably close possibly take the cat in and bring kitty to see your mom regularly?
Mom is 93. Something will go amiss probably in the not-too-distant future. I vote to allow her to keep her companion kitty if there is any way at all to do so.
Here is a link to one that is available through the Alzheimer Store.
https://www.alzstore.com/metacat-smart-robot-cat-interactive-companion-pet-p/0600.htm
Perhaps after using a robotic cat for a while, she could adjust to her pet being given away at some point.
I wish I could offer a solution for the biting.
That cat probably saved your mom’s life many times. Times your mom was sad, depressed…but that cat was always by her side.
(Ventingisback)
On one side, scratches and infections from open wounds, much the less a cat, are a serious problem for seniors. Because the skin is so thin, this makes it just so worrisome.
On the other hand, your Mom might be dependent upon this cat to give her the assurance of presence. It is also very soothing to stroke an animal.
A side issue is that the cat might actually be developing more of a hostile attitude toward her and therefore, less tolerant as the cat gets older. A cat like that might not be able to be re-homed.
Do you have someone who would be willing to give the cat a new home? If so, maybe that is the right option....your Mom would see that the cat is going to another person who would love it and be more willing to give it up. Then you would have 2 options: 1) be without a pet or 2) get another cat/dog that is more tolerant to your Mom's behavior, however will provide the companionship that is aligned with her desires. I'm thinking that you could go to the Humane Society or a no-kill shelter and find a nice mellow older cat for your Mom.
My Mom's MC facility brings in dogs for pet therapy twice a week. My Mom really looks forward to these visits.
Then - mom fell and broke her arm and spent some time in the hospital. She knew there was no way she could deal with Tony with her arm in a sling. Her cat, her decision: she asked the vet to go to her house and put Tony down just before she got home from the hospital. I buried Tony wrapped in a blanket with his favorite fish toy outside her kitchen window near a flower bed. I made a little monument with rocks to mark the spot. Mom’s anxiety went down exponentially with both her and Tony at peace. She took responsibility for him, by writing his life story and ending it humanely with full knowledge of what happened to him. She talks to him out the window every morning. This was one of those tough situations that on the surface seemed to be a lose/lose; but mom took charge and made it a positive for herself. I personally am an animal lover so don’t think I didn’t cry my eyes out putting that little guy down into the ground. But it was what mom and Tony both needed to be at peace.
#1 no cat should ever be declawed it is cruel and inhumane. It is like taking off your fingers at the knuckle. Any vet that performs this procedure should have their license taken away.
#2 dropping a declawed cat off in a field somewhere because you don't want to take it to the shelter to have it euthanized is not cool because cats use their claws to defend themselves, they also can't climb trees to get away from predators. So no front claws means bad things for kitty and a declawed cat can never be let outside.
#3 at least mom did not get to do #2 and Tony was given a humane death when mom finally came to her senses about what the best thing to do for that scrappy little fellow was.
Some feral kittens can never be tamed. Had mom not had him declawed he could have been safely released back out to freedom and the great outdoors. We brought a feral cat 1 year old inside and he is perfectly happy being inside. It took him months to want to sleep on a blanket and a soft bed because he always slept under our shed in the backyard. That's not always the case though.
I am glad your mom and Tony are at peace and I imagine that they are together in the spirtual plane loving each other and mom is getting to watch Tony be the free cat he was always meant to be.
Ask a vet if there is any type of sedative you can give the cat, or take it in for a vet inspection. The cat may be arthritic & pats hurt. He may be picking up on stress from your Mother & lashing out. She may be heavier handed than she realises... A particular herb oil for animals may help. Remind your Mother not to pet the cats' body & see how they go. The cat loves her, otherwise there'd be no sitting on laps, but there is pain here.