Conflicting stories from the nursing home staff, I don't know what to believe?

We haven't gotten to the NH need yet, but while I understand the whole idea of a resident having an account for discretional spending, it does NOT make sense that someone with dementia would be allowed to have/manage money, especially in-hand. If she were going on "outings" where money might be needed, someone should be overseeing her and the usage of this money. If she is in her room/in the residence, what does she need cash in her hands for? If she can/wants to purchase something they sell in house, she should have the option to choose what she wants and they take the funds from her account accordingly. There should be NO need for her to handle money!

Our mother is in AL/MC, private pay, and she has no "account." If there are extra charges, they get added to her monthly bill. I have had to address some of these, such as non-recurring Rx and OTC meds (I handle these!) and currently extra laundry charges. Most recently it has been 8-14 extra loads/month - really? For someone who sits in a wheelchair with disposable briefs for "accidents"? How dirty/soiled can she become? They pushed back on my complaint - waiting for July bill to see if this continues - if so, we need to have a talk!!! If she's wetting her clothing during the day, then they are not toileting her often enough. At night, it became an issue when she had UTIs. Just being told that dementia patients develop incontinence isn't cutting it! I am aware of that, but for about 8 months no extra charges EXCEPT when she had a UTI. So, if it happens again, I need to address what the issue is. There is no excuse to leave UTI unattended and NO excuse for her to be wetting herself during the day!

It really does stink not being able to go in to aide in monitoring things. We couldn't be there all the time before the virus, but being excluded leaves us blind and somewhat at their mercy!

The first thing I would do is request they NOT give her any money. If she "needs" to feel like she can manage, buy some play money and give that to her. For the medical/behavioral issues, someone needs to be in control. If this is a NH, then you might be more reliant on the "in-house" doctor(s). If possible, enlist the help of a doctor outside the facility. Have her tested for UTI, perhaps some better testing/Rx for behavioral issues. I agree with others - calling you to report these "issues" isn't productive. You are not allowed in and you are not a doctor, so what exactly are you supposed to do when they call? When our mother had her first UTI in MC, she experienced some severe sun-downing and was more or less out of control. They called and wanted me to go there... and do what? I had never seen her like that and there likely wasn't much I could do! By the time I did get there, they had distracted her with a magazine and got her into her room. I decided it was best to leave the sleeping dog lie and did not go into her room. Unfortunately this started on a Friday evening, after doc hours, and we could do nothing until Monday morning. BTW, mornings and early afternoons plus overnight she was FINE and wouldn't even remember any of it. Clearing UTI driving this - antibiotics plus anti-anxiety meds during treatment took care of it. Both meds stopped after UTI treated and no more outbursts! Subsequent UTIs have resulted, as noted, in bed wetting. Once treated, the wetting stops too.

Dementia is so bizarre. It's like having an electrical issue in your car - it can present itself as so many other issues and wreak havoc! IF one can find the source of the issue in the car, generally it can be fixed. Not so much with dementia, unfortunately.

Wow 😳 maybe I should try some of that medication too. I’m depressed & in a funk.
...Yes, it’s common to scream & be abusive & make up lies. Nursing Supervisor should know more so go see her. When you give $$$, get a receipt..& when $$$ is withdrawn, get an accounting of it on paper. Hugs 🤗

Maybe Camera's should be in every resident room. That's the only way these issue will be taken care of.

Talk to the Administrator of the home and make them aware of the issue. And if nothing is taken care of and you are able to move and get her into another home that you feel she will be safe. It sounds as if the place has a problem with making the resident high priority. There is no way that a man cleaning the room should be taking money from her. He sounds like one of the workers at the facility. Get her into another home...

I think all the calls have a purpose; documentation is necessary when a home is notifying family that the patient is no longer a good fit for the facility.

Did you do any fact checking when she told you she gave her money to an employee? Your grandmother has dementia. You can’t believe everything she says, because her brain is broken. That “employee” could have been another resident. You have need to investigate both possibilities instead believing one side.

Keep a log. Go to the top. If staff is managing to get her money, demand to know! The very least they can do is be honest and tell the truth.

Good morning, please please don’t ignore the signs!! It’s obviously something going on and anything your grandma is being abused. You need to reach out to a trusted elderly attorney and have the NH investigated. Get and document everything including the calls: who, when and why before it’s becomes worst.

I have a similar problem with my brother in a skilled nursing facility. Half the time I believe my brother because I have the caught the staff lying to me as well. And the other half of the time, I believe the staff because my brother has bipolar and has some brain damage from being left on a ventilator too long. Is there anyway you can install a nanny cam to at least check on what happens in her room?

It's very commonplace for an elder in an NH to be confused, e.g. my late mother thought that patients were assisting her/taking care of her needs. Then she would say "He went back to his hotel." C'mon - not so much. She couldn't tell who was staff and who were patients and oh yes, they slept on the floor in her room. Oh, my - let me out of crazy town, I thought.

On the other hand, give Grandma a break and talk to the Ombudsman.

This place seems incompetent for sure, and I really feel for you. It is 100% unacceptable for their workers to be asking the residents for money. This needs to be reported to an ombudsman, I believe is where you should start.

Can you find another place for her to go to?

There is very good advice here, and these are the steps I have taken to resolve various issues (my mom's in a NH). They will only work if you are dealing with a facility and administration that values good resident care.

The sad fact is that some facilities are very poorly managed and indifferent to resident care. My mom's NH was recently purchased by a new company, and they have made many positive changes. My experiences with the prior owner/admin seem similar to your situation. I was never informed of falls or medication changes. Problems with theft and poor care were never addressed (nepotism was the real priority here). If you had a complaint, you were told to look elsewhere for care.

The constant phone calls - did someone in your family ask for regular updates? I've done that in the past, but it was short-term. They had a note tacked onto my mom's chart. Have you considered other facilities? You can do a virtual tour, ask people you know, do some online research for facility reviews. It really is worth doing - sometimes what you have is better than what is available, sometimes any place is better. You can better decide this when you meet with the admin and ombudsman. Hang in there! You are asking advice from others who have done this, and that's the best first step!

The facility has to report any changes to family to avoid getting sued due to "something happened" history that they can be held accountable. The social worker should be involved and that would get her some anxiety meds. The social worker is there to deal with "what is going on with the patient". The I.V. fluids indicate a Dr. is directing the head nurse. Usually fluids are to replace sodium or potassium to get her out of lethargic functioning. You need to go to the director and she will get the staff to do their job. Everyone loses weight in nursing homes and concentration camps. Snacks are usually out for "the taking" and no one has money. Go as often as you can..to make sure the staff is doing their job plus (person stealing money is gone) and mother is on a low dose of anxiety meds so she is functioning well. The social worker can evaluate your mothers " functioning" and help you deal with what she says and relates to you. That is when staff is doing their job. I know the aids are overworked and everyone of the staff can get "lethargic" in "long term care".

I see a lot of good information here. A meeting is definitely in order and a separate meeting with the doctor. Is this a facility doctor or can you choose? We were given a list of doctors to choose from and fortunately we were steered in the right direction .
I would definitely follow up on the money being given to staff.
Last thought...there are"nanny cams" made to look like stuffed animals. Perhaps, giving Grandma a gift would help you view what's going on.
Best wishes.

What does grandma need her money for? Maybe its time to limit her access.

I think its also time to get the DON and Administrator together for a meeting. First, no constant calls. Its their job to handle anything that comes up and deal with it. The only calls you want are what the State requires. She fell, sending her to the hospital, fell out of bed, etc. The DON is in charge of the staff.

If this is new behaviour, your grandma could be entering another stage of her Dementia. Personally, I would want her seen by a neurologist to determine what medication she should be on and then consult with the facilities doctor. The doctor associated with the facility is the only one who can prescribe and take away. I agree that 2 weeks is not long enough to see if a med works. The only reason to stop it would be a adverse reaction to it. Her screaming at night could be caused by night terrors. Her being combatant could be a UTI, have them check for it.

I agree, I don't see why the NH would make things up. So, go into this meeting with the attitude things have changed with grandma. Her Dementia will worsen as the brain dies. If she has been stable for 4 yrs you are lucky.

This woman obviously has dementia and is acting out. Medication can to an extent control this but not always. When people are old and have dementia, they should be in memory care units where their handling is much more intense. I doubt that the nursing home (for possible legal reasons) would be so stupid as to call you and make up stories. I think they are telling the truth. I believe they get $35 a month in a personal account. Work out something with the nursing home that no one, only YOU can authorize giving out money. And be sure you have a Power of Attorney first. Get help from the doctors to handle the medications - they have to follow the orders exactly. At this stage the ups and downs in what happens will be very apparent and are normal. I would also sit down with the top medical director and document exactly what is happening and come to terms what to do about it. She could be in the wrong place. The fact is behavior like this simply cannot be tolerated and must be controlled by whatever means one can come up with.

They see her 24/7 behavior when you can’t so don’t wave aside their calls for being bogus.

I agree with the people on here who said to contact the Ombudsman for your area. They will get to the bottom of it.

Time to get the Ombudsman involved and ask for a meeting with the Administrator to review all these issues.  Start keeping a log of all the calls & who you spoke with.

Everything you describe sounds concerning. You should contact your local long term care ombudsman with your concerns. Write a letter to your grandmother’s doctor and the NH Administration outlining your concerns and copy the ombudsman. Request a meeting to discuss further. Consider moving her to another facility.

If she is on a certain section like maybe Skilled Nursing(Who do all of the above)Then NO CALLS SHOULD BE NECESSARY. They should know how to handle Them or not be working there....

OK...who is the doctor in charge of her care? And have you spoken directly with the director of nursing? You need to tell her it’s inappropriate for them to be calling you like this. Also you need a sit down care conference. The doctor can prescribe something if she is truly having outbursts. And who might I ask decided to discontinue the Zoloft? That can’t be done without doctor's orders. Otherwise they are in violation. Get to the bottom of this with a care conference. Have your notes handy and get this resolved. That place sounds crazy! And I might add, dangerous.

You need to talk to the nursing home administrator. There is something very unusual and strange about the calls you are receiving. Also schedule an appointment with her physician.

Never heard of anything like what you relate. The money shouldn’t be available for grandma to give away, that’s supposed to go through the accounting office, and they certainly shouldn’t be doing it. At the least, I’d ask them to video some of these outbursts they’re calling you about so you can see them yourself. And start shopping for a better home for grandma

What you've described is very strange indeed. I'm not sure whey they would be calling you every other day about her outbursts. Its not as if you could do anything about it. Usually they will call to tell you about a medication adjustment they are going to do. As far as the money in the trust account, that doesn't make any sense at all. Normally it has to go through the accounting office and the items that are purchased go through the accountant, the accountant shouldn't be handing out cash to the resident for the purpose of the resident giving it someone else. What state is she in? What you've described is not what I've experienced nor have I read any stories similar to this. you may want to look into moving her to a different nursing home.