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I posted some time ago about my aunt and I really appreciated the feedback. Cliff notes version: my aunt has been involved in a romance scam for the past year to the point where she's not in great shape financially (bank accounts shut down due to weird activity, delinquent bills, accounts sent to debt collectors, and more recently a foreclosure notice). Even though she is in this position due to the scam, she still believes she is going to marry an actor who is going to pay her back all the money and then some.



Last month I received a concerning phone call that prompted me to make a report to APS and they took on the case. I was just updated by the caseworker that they recommend a conservator to help her sort out and protect the finances/assets she has left and asked if I would be willing/able to do this. I explained my reasons for not being the best person for this. Per the caseworker, my aunt acknowledged I may not be able to take this on and she was willing to have a professional take on the responsibility. No one else in the family is willing or able to take this on either, and it might be best to have a neutral party take on this role to preserve the few good ties she has left.



Most of the experiences I have read on here have not been positive on court appointed conservators, which is making me question if this might be the right path to go down or if I just bite the bullet and hope for the best (though I don't have the time/resources to meet her needs and this could damage our relationship beyond repair). I would love to hear experiences of others who were/are in a similar boat. If it helps at all, we live in Michigan.

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Honestly if you can not do this and no one else in the family is willing you have but one option left and that is the Court Appointed conservator.
Could a Court Appointed Conservator be any worse than what she is currently doing with no one taking care of her finances?
And if you can not do this do not let anyone try to sway you into changing your mind. You do not want to start doing this and then have to step aside because you can not follow through on what sounds like a full time job at this point.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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allym112 Sep 10, 2024
Thank you for that perspective. They can't do much worse than what she has already done to herself at this point. If she continues down this path, she could be homeless and no one has space to take her in. What prompted the APS call is she tried to put her home in the market so she could have the money in hand to move in with her "fiancé". Thankfully her realtor contacted us and refused to list it since she knew something wasn't right. While she has pulled back on that idea, it could happen again and that would not work out in her favor. And yes, I already have a full-time job with only so much flexibility. Everything that has happened in the past year alone has been so much added work that I cannot imagine managing her affairs in a legal capacity.
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APS has recommended a Conservatorship

My experience has been that family who don't want their access to Mom's finances for themselves to dry up (guardianship/conservator) will get in the way of professional help.
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Reply to Sendhelp
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allym112 Sep 10, 2024
Yeah, I can understand that. At this point, my aunt is headed in the direction of giving whatever is left to this scammer, so I would much rather someone step in to stop that and use whatever funds she has left on her living expenses and care.
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Please don't take this on.
Your aunt now has nothing to lose.
Why in the world would you attempt to care for an uncooperative adult when the state can do this? They can afford to do this. You cannot.
As to being a conservator, I cannot imagine where you found unhappy things on this site about state conservatorship. I have not seen it in 5 years here. But I have seen HORROR STORIES about family taking this on.

You need first of all to know this. If you DO take this on you cannot resign.
You would need court permission to resign.
The court will likely not allow you to resign.
THAT I HAVE SEEN HERE and it is a nightmare.

You did the right thing.
APS has done the right thing. But to get conservatorship they are going to need serious diagnostic work and a court case put before a judge. That isn't something you can manage. IS IT?

Please be realistic here.
Let the state take over.
You will have nothing to say about anything thereafter, but THAT'S a GOOD THING.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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allym112 Sep 10, 2024
I really appreciate your input! You're correct on that most of what I've seen here is based on family members assuming responsibility for conservatorship, not necessarily a state appointed conservator, which is one of the reasons for this post. I really want what's best for her and it's clear that her decisions brought her to this point. I also want to be supportive to her, but know having complete control of her finances is not the best way to show that. Thank you for the reality check!
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