I'm a bit distraught today because I got into a bad fight with my brother regarding my mom.
I texted him yesterday to say that I'm hearing lots of people are getting sick with covid who are vaccinated ie mom's hairdresser told us she had 4 cancellations yesterday etc. I asked if we could discuss how safe it was to bring mom to xmas eve dinner (23 people) and xmas day lunch (11 people). He got very angry in his text response and told me he is tired of this subject and we just won't go anywhere anymore - end of discussion - don't want to talk about it. I was so sad that he doesn't have the capacity to engage with me who is mom's primary caregiver 24/7. Later, I told mom to talk to him and he really wants to go, we will go. I was upstairs when mom asked him last night about going and I overheard he said "stop, I don't want to discuss this anymore, etc etc" and so it infuriated me and I went downstairs and read him the riot act and in front of my frail mom ...he didn't react and continued to watch tv.... I left the house with mom begging me not to go. I lost my temper and I feel that I ruined mom's health, xmas and my relationship with my brother (my brother and I don't talk much since he doesn't communicate feelings, etc). This all started with me just asking if he thought it would be safe to take mom. Omricron is raging in NYC right now and so many vaccinated people I know are getting covid. My mom had covid. She is boosted. But she has heart failure, diabetes and hypertension and was hospitalized once already w covid in March 2020. Was I in the wrong to worry about taking her to a party of 23 family members (all vaccinated but not all boosted and many school kids and young adults)? My brother and I never fought in 60 yrs since we don't talk much to each other but this left us all rattled - I really lost my temper for 1 minute.
My mother will go nowhere for Christmas, which makes me kind of sad as she is 92 and I just don't see how she can hang in for many more holiday seasons. Personally? I think she would be fine going to a couple small gatherings. But it's not my call, it's My YB's.
And yes, we're all still pretty edgy and jumpy. My daughter's in-laws refuse to be vaccinated and so their son (a Dr.) has declared that they cannot be around his kids--the 4 yo not being vaccinated yet. He has the right to do this and they have the right to refuse vaccination. They 'state' they've had covid twice, but there's no testing to prove it so. It's not worth the risk.
Try to make the day as nice for mom as you can, and no, you are not wrong to not want her exposed to covid again. With her history of being vaxxed and still getting covid kind of shows that she's not getting full immunity. It's a big risk.
My family will all be in town for Christmas. This has not happened in 23 years. It probably won't happen again, in my lifetime. I know everyone is vaccinated. Except for the 4 yo and we're comfortable with his being in a 'herd immunity' situation.
Will we be all together and healthy the whole week we'll all be here? Absolutely not, but I just want ONE picture of everyone.
However, if that doesn't happen, it won't happen. I think covid has really altered our state of thinking.
Why would you expose yourself? Can your mother make her own decisions? If so, then let her go with him if she must go.
And enjoy some peace and quiet, since you wrote: " am moms main caregiver ie male....my brother is 1 yr older and works 15 hr days but is not the "caregiver" type.....but my mom never ever questions anything my brother does and questions everything i do....."