I drive my dad everywhere he needs to go. He needs a walker and oxygen. He refuses to get a handicapped plate because they are for "people worse of than I am." However, when he feels bad, he tells me to park in a handicapped spot. I won't do it and it makes him angry. Also, when he talks to other family members he overstates his ability to get around. He is embarrassed by his lack of mobility but it's getting progresivley harder for me to get him around. Suggestions?
If he doesn't use them, he'll have to work harder just to breath and to move around. And that isn't going to help him live a longer life and in fact may shorten it, especially if he needs oxygen 24/7. So by accepting the health and mobility saving devices, he's allowing himself the opportunity to maintain some element of his abilities.
What did he do for a living? Can you make a comparison with tools he might have used that assisted him and made him more efficient, just as a walker and oxygen would do? E.g., if he worked in his yard and handled the mowing, was it a concession to use a power mower vs. a reel mower, but wasn't that more efficient?
If he was a chef, cook or baker and used an electric mixer, commercial oven and appropriate mixing tools, wasn't that more efficient and contributed to his short and long term goals than mixing things by hand with spoons or forks, or cooking things in old wood burning stove?
If he was a tailor, did he sew everything by hand or use a sewing machine, and if so, wasn't that more efficient?
So, by comparison and analogy, using a walker and oxygen can help him achieve his goal of remaining mobile.
You do your part in helping him, now he has to do his part in helping you.
When my dad got stubborn and dug in his heels I'd turn the situation around as I described and ask that my dad help me. We all develop little tips and tricks when caregiving and this approach I always referred to in my mind as the "help me help you" approach.
I have found that sometimes with seniors, they are just not open to new ideas. They can be very resistant to common sense ideas. I'm not sure if it's pride, dementia, stubbornness, or what, but if all else fails, just make it happen. I have found that begging, convincing, providing information, etc. doesn't work that well. I pick my battles and when it's a biggie, I make it happen, without a lot of drama. Later, they see the value and that it was needed. Don't say I told you so. lol
Something you can try is the military "keep yourself in good shape" approach. If you can convince him that doing some of the things he rejects will actually help him maintain his strength and self sufficiency, it might be an opening.
But couch it in terms of what he should do NOW, which is quite different from what he did when he was on active duty. He probably adapted to changing military and political situations when he was in the service, now he needs to adapt to changing life situations.
Maybe he can draw up a battle plan (for old age) and create his own implementation strategies.
When my father was recovering from a long illness, I put on a tape of Jody calls and we both marched/walked around the house (him with a walker). I worked out with him. But, boy, those Jody calls really bring out something special in a retired military man!