How do you deal with your deadbeat adult siblings?

Been there done that, Sorry, got the same sorry siblings. Mom passed 3 years ago, I know in my heart I made her life better, her last years better, forgive yourself for being angry. They don't deserve your energy. There may be help, I'm a licensed health care agent in Texas, I only deal with seniors, drop me an email, maybe I can suggest some help. Henry

Been there done that, God Bless You for your efforts, mom passed in 2014, till this day never a thank you. I did good for my mom, so did you. If you look real close, they are probably miserable in their own lives. Forgive yourself for being angry.

Tired 1 of 4. I disagree that I have not answered your question. All of us have answered your question..."How to deal with your deadbeat adult siblings". It seems you don't like the answers. What do you want us to say? You've call us stubborn, non-caregivers (because our situation doesn't exactly match yours), loud mouth & big headed, advise givers of which you don't want, etc. What exactly do you want? What difference does it make that I've only posted on this subject. The fact is I have deadbeat sibs. too. That's what this post is about. Stop biting peoples heads off. The people who have posted after me have given the SAME information/answers I gave. You asked the question. We answered it. We put down what we've done and are doing and you chop it up and say I didn't ask for your advise yet you asked the question. My final plea to you is to get some counseling for yourself and family. People have written some sensitive and awesome comments in hopes of helping you deal with the question you posed. My posts will no longer be directed to you as you have made it clear you don't want me to type another word. My posts are directed to those who can glean from it to help them care for themselves and their loved one. Thank you for all of yours posts.

Tire1of4, while I understand your frustrations, you will never find 2 people on here that are in your exact same situation, but I feel like I come pretty close, at least in the manner in which you get now physical noe financial help from your Deadbeat Siblings.

My husband and I have been caregiving, in our home, for 13 years, 24/7/365. We also have 4 great kids in their early 30's, but we would never put our burdens on them, as they all have full time careers, and busy lives, just ascthey are supposed to at this age! Each have offered to lend a hand now and then, and I am just getting to a place where I may take them up on it once and a while, as frankly, we are exhausted, and in need of a time out once and awhile, and wouldn't feel bad about an hour or 2.

Mu husbands siblings haven't been active in their parents lives since before my MIL passed away, and only then, it was to take advantage of any money they could swindle out of them, so since my FIL coming to live with us, any money he does have left is tucked away in CD's, to care for him,nwhen we are no longer able to, and that time is coming up quickly.

Both my husband and I are disabled, him with back problems, and me with bad knee arthritis and Fibromyalgia, to name a few.

My FIL is a Raging Narcissist. He is unbearable to live with, and it is becoming worse as he tumbles into Dementia, he also has Diabetes, Lymphoma (in the post treatment wait and watch phase), and is a frequent fall risk.

My husband does everything for him, especially since he had to give up his driving license about 5 years ago.

Nothing about this is easy! His coming to live with us has changed every facet of our lives, and in the past 3-4 years, we have been unable to leave him on his own, and in the past 1 year, we've only left him for a few 2 hour periods of time, and the last time he fell and had tears his skin, so now it's clear, we cannot even do this, no matter how much we prepare him to sit in his chair, with all accommodations, ie: fed, drinks, toileting, Remote, Phone and our number, we are talking 2 hours here! So now, and as we have been doing, we take the occasional break away from the house in turns, no longer together.

I do understand your frustrations, but I see No Way to get your Deadbeat Siblings involved, and no matter how bad things get, imo, they would probably make things even worse!

Prior to my FIL moving in 13 years ago, I, along with my 5 siblings took care of my own very ill parents to the end. We were all very much involved, so that #1 Caregiver, my eldest sister, could get thw much needed breaks and respite, and still be able to run a business out of her home, and continue to enjoy her own family. It wasn't easy, not even with the six of us, but we did it with love, patience and respect of each other's strengths and weaknesses. I was so proud of Us as a family, even our kids were involved.

In 2003/2004, both of my parents died, and my MIL died right in the middle of the 2, while my own Mom was on Hospice in my eldest sisters home.
Nomtime for grieving, as my FIL, the Narcissist that he is, felt he could not live on his own, so as our youngest was moving out, the very next weekend, my FIL moved in, and our lives have been forever changed.

Gone were vacations, time alone with each other and our kids, our Grandchildren, my own family. Dinners out, you know, Everything changed, let alone we had just gone through the dying process of 3 parents, and had had no time to grieve.

Everybody's situation is different.

I can't even imagine how hard it is, to add on top of all of this, financial difficulties! In this we are different, as all 3 of us in my home participate in the cost shares of living in our home, which is finally paid for.

In our own circumstances, 13 years is enough! We know our limitations, and have met them in managing his care, to the best of our abilities, and he needs a higher level of care, that we cannot physically and mentally manage any longer, and in these past 13 years, we are All that much older, and he is now 87 (in February) frail, falling frequently, and a buggar to deal with. Sooner or later, one of us will break, and it cannot be my husband or myself. As even though our kids are all doing great, we still very much wish to enjoy seeing them continue to do so, be involved with our Grandchildren, and live and enjoy our own retirement. We have sacrificed a lot! And to what end,nto someone who doesn't even appreciate (Ever), what we have done for him. No one can ever understand what it is like, to walk in anothers shoes, and God how I wish, that my husband's siblings participated in his declining life! Like you, I think they are Evil, but it doesn't change the way things are!

Have them arrested for abandonment? These 2 even walked away from their own kids at infancy (were talking 4 kids!), you think they might come to the aide of their own Dad? Screw them!

Tired, your situation and starting point is different from most of us. As I recall you had been living your life fairly separate from the family. You were called back into the group only to find that you were the only one willing to step-up and take care of mom. You have sacrificed personally, in your relationships and financially and they are not stepping up. You are understandably angry. Your situation includes a fairly quick turn of events. For those who never separated from their families it has occurred slowly over the course of years. Even before my parents were old and merely aged I had been asking my brothers to call and visit more often. If each of them took every other Saturday to call and just talk 5 minutes, the folks would have a weekly conversation with a son but it would only require 10 minutes a month of their time. I thought this plan would be workable, but they could not be bothered to do it. By their late 70's I was telling my brothers to spend time with mom as she would not be having the ability to remember soon. But with only 3 hour visits about 4 times a year my eldest brother thought I was exaggerating and the other one could not face it. I kept encouraging them to visit and even told them that it was their responsibility to have a relationship close enough to know what was going on in their parents life. I would not be keeping them informed.

When my folks were in their 80's, dad had a minor foot surgery, that I mentioned to my cousin. She mentioned it to eldest brother who became furious that I had not told him about it. In truth, I think he was embarrassed when a far flung relative realized that he was not involved at all in our parents life. He accused me of hoarding our parents (I was spending one night 2 times a month as they lived 2.5 hours drive away from me. And we're in their 80's). Then dad died from a staph infection related to the surgery and I took over care for my mother who had advanced in her Alzheimer's.
By the time I took over care I had been trying to get my brothers involved for 10 - 15 years. At first it was not need based but rather just because it would have meant a lot to my parents to feel their sons love. Then their were needs such as trimming bushes and getting home repairs and then the physical care needs came into play. As I recall I did have anger 10-15 years ago. But the process has been slow like water eroding a rock. It serves me no good to hang on to it for years, I haven't the energy to do all I must for mom, and hang on to the anger. There just isn't enough of me left. So, Tired, you are justified in your anger. Yours has been a far more abrupt and stunning, fist to the face introduction to this lousy situation of uninvolved siblings. Thank heavens there is you. Someday you will have to let go of the anger for your sake and your kids. But it is understandable that you are not there. You've got a lot on your plate and the people you should be able to turn to have bailed. It will take quite some time to get over that and getting over that is not the same as forgiving them. You may never forgive them. How you ultimately feel about them will reveal itself over years if not decades.

Right now finding what is best for you and your family is the priority, even if it means with no sibling involvement.

... and before you type another word... "some of "us can type expression ... some of us can "feel and express those feelings without it disrupting life or the tasks at hand. I asked you who was caring for your mother while you worked your 40 hrs job... because an elderly person with dementia is not able to (and should not) be left alone... which means one of two things; either you are not a full time caregiver because someone else is caring for her while you are working or" you actually do not hold a full time job. It's either or... because a full time family (or other) live-in caregiver is not a job title as if a CNA or facility "care aid" would place on their loan application. And I asked you why, since you've created your profile only spoken on "this post.

...here ya go again... not answering my questions. you are as either stubborn as they come or you are not able to see or "hear (read) others because of how loud your own mouth (head) is;).

(sorry I pressed the enter key by accident) I deal with my un-involved siblings by taking care of myself and my mom. And that's my non-advise. LOL! Take care of yourself.

Tired 1 of 4...P.S. You say you're not asking for advice but no good blog worthy of reading is without GOOD ADVISE! If you're not looking for some good advise to do to keep good caring going they why do you care what we are doing about our deadbeat siblings? They don't help us, we've accepted it, so most of us don't have a lot to say about them. Yes you started this blog, but you invited us to tell you what we are doing. Some of us are getting help from others to get the care done and not spending a lot of time with people who don't help us. Many of us know putting a lot of time into being angry that the siblings don't help is useless in the end. We are finding that spending the time and energy in getting it done works best for all. I deal with my un

Tired 1 of 4 my sincere apologies. My last post asked you had you heard of the Waiver program. I just read through many of the beginning posts and you mentioned on 12/12/16 that mom is on the program housing waiting list for assisted livings in Nebraska through the Waiver program. You are right. You do have to wait for an opening in the AL's of your choice. Hang tight waiting for their program assistance. To the rest of the readers check out the Medicaid Waiver program in your state. It's probably one of the most comprehensive programs for low income persons with disabilities. And it's not just for the elderly. Again you have to meet the disability and income/assets qualifications. Another program almost equal to Medicaid Wavier is the PACE program. Look for one in your area. Tired 1 of 4, I again apologize for not having read the whole blog. Tired 1 of 4, please tell us some other things that you have tried that seem to be working. We want to know.

... and, if you both can tell (since you're both pretty interested in what I do) seems I don't comment on allot of post questions, so I'm pretty sure that supports the fact that I don't have an issue with others having their own opinion (unless it's so whacked they should be in a straight jacket, or their wasting my time giving "their uninvited advice ) but nope, other-than-that pretty sure I'm good in that dept.

.... Gershun, don't worry bout it, I'm not on here to win a popularity contest or to make "virtual friends. ..and to be honest like I said 8m the one that wrote this post ... I didn't ask for advice, I actually started the comments by saying "I'm not asking for advice ...

... wuz up "ziggy 123" ...couple-a-things ... what's interesting is, according to your profile info you've never written on any one else's post but mine, Why's that. So what made me so special. ...also curious, who's watching ur mom while you do your "40 hr job" .. and yeah, seems I've mention Waiver Program, what, oh, no less than 20 times.

Tired 1 of 4. I believe you mentioned that your loved one is low income with little to no assets. Have you heard of the WAIVER program? Check to see is there one in your state. It’s a state run program that pays for care givers to come in and help care for physically and or mentally disable persons if they qualify. They have to qualify by a limited monthly income and total assets and must be physically and/or mentally assessed by a Waiver agent to see if they qualify. In Michigan where I live we have the MI Choice Waiver Program. There are several Waiver Agents who service certain areas of our state. Check with your local Department of Human Services as the client will have to qualify for your state’s medical insurance. The services are paid for by the state. It’s an excellent program that is an excellent resources for additional care giving help. Please reply. Thanks.

Tired 1 of 4! Thank you for seeing that my intentions are for good. You Rock baby! I love your honesty! If we can’t be honest about what’s really going on in this caring business then we are all most miserable! I am not in agreement with a few things you said but I respect your honesty. With that thought in mind I will ALWAYS be honest with you! From this day forward because you as a human being are responsible for whatever you say and do, I will challenge you to do more than just gripe and moan about the deadbeat siblings. Why? Cause in the end griping and moaning on a blog may or may not get you the care giving help you need. If a gripe and moan blog makes you feel better than go for it. I challenge you to not only feel better for a few minutes (which is about the life cycle of a gripe and moan) but live better because you did better than those who did nothing! YOU ARE CHOSEN! To answer your question “What capacity am I caring for someone?” I am and have been my mother’s legal guardian and conservator for 4 years. My mother has Alzheimer’s/Dementia stage 3. She lives with me. I work a 40/hr. wk. job. I came to get my mom because my other sister (the one who acted up in the hospital) mom’s DPOA had a stroke. When we finally figured out what was going on my mom had no money in the bank, several unpaid bills, etc….. The question is how could mom be broke with an over $3000/mo. Income (that’s the short version of the story)? I have 5 other brothers and sisters. They pretty much live their own lives. With two of my siblings it’s a “Hi and Bye” relationship and that’s just the way it is (some of it has to do with me being the Leg. Grd./Cons. and some of it has to do with them being that way before all this happened). Of the other 3 one lives out of town and the other two are the ones I can call on to help me. But that’s not very often (for whatever reasons). I answered your question because I believe you have a valid reason to know if I am talking like Dr. Phil or if I’m really a part of this discussion by experience. I’m in it with you baby! Now that I’ve shown you I live on Planet Earth (just like you LOL!), I will NOT gripe and moan about my deadbeat siblings. I will NOT be mad at you if you do. I WILL praise you for your strength and efforts to care for yourself and loved one! YOU DESERVE IT! I also want to know how you’re getting it done as it might be something I can try. Finally I go back to getting counseling. Try not to discount it. It sounds like talking to someone who’s been where you are is very important to you. Whatever your IQ is a good counselor will appreciate whatever you can teach them about the business of caring for your loved one (the good, the bad, and the ugly). Find a counselor that has cared for their loved one so he/she can be on the same planet you are on (lol). Consider revisiting seeking counseling. They have a lot of resources for helping you get what you need to get done. You deserve all the mental, physical, psychological, and social support you can get because caring is a HUGE job! Tired 1 of 4, I can’t wait for your response!!!! Hit me!

Well my dear brother is a dumb azz...he calls me up once in a a blue moon to give me dumb suggestions, won't send me money because he as his own life ...but has the nerve to,give me medical,info ( I'm a RN with a Masters degree and a Clinical Supervisor) and the lectures me on nonsense ...then hangs up ..I then swear underbreath and move on ...he is useless and I'm the boss in charge of my mom and dads care ..so what he says is ridiculous and makes no difference in my life ...so I say thank you and good bye then cuss undermy breath and move on with my day ,,,,

Tired I want to say that I did not mean to upset you. I wanted to respond about the actual topic at hand but got sidetracked by how the thread sort of disintegrated into an argument.

I understand dealing with deadbeat siblings very well. I've given numerous examples on other threads about how I was left to handle some very delicate situations by myself. By the way I have 5 siblings. Three of which live nearby and are healthy and had no valid excuses for not contributing.

The biggest kick in the gut of all was how I was left to decide whether we should stop all life saving measures and have comfort care only. Can you imagine how I felt having to make that decision on my own knowing full well that everyone else in my family chose to sleep in that day. When I brought that up at a family lunch my sister said "well, you could have reached out" Excuse me? You all knew where Mom was at. I don't think I needed to reach out. They knew just as well as me where it all was going.

Anyhow, Tired sorry if I turned you off of AC. That was not my intention. I basically just wanted you to know that everyone on here has their own point of view and if you do not agree with someone on here just let it go and move on to the next one who maybe does agree with you.

Tired1of4 - I know you've been disappointed by some of the responses you've received from other posters here, but please don't paint the whole community with one brush. There are a lot of different types of people here, with many different points of view. You're bound to get a lot of responses from people who can't see your point of view at all. I know I always do, and I express some pretty unpopular or unconventional opinions. Not every response is going to be helpful to your situation. That doesn't mean the forum has an overriding mentality or point of view. I've been here a long time, and believe me, it doesn't!

A lot of people seem to "push" the idea of therapy because it's something that has worked for them. I'm one of those people. Caregiving is extremely emotionally stressful, especially for those of us in difficult, strained, unhappy family situations. Therapy can help you find ways of coping with the stress. I know.

For the most part, people are trying to help the best they know how. Unfortunately, what helps them and what helps you may be totally different things. What I do is that I try to home in on the responses from people who seem to understand and relate to what I'm saying, and brush aside the rest. That allows me to take some value and comfort from the discussion without getting too upset about people whose responses seem totally off the mark (for me, but they might be perfect for someone else).

I hope you'll stay and find some value in this community.

I have been reading and 'listening and learning what this Agingcare. Com is, and what it is not. We are all able to get 'a feeling of an environment, even in an internet forum. When I joined this forum I thought I had found a place that I would read "real life .. and all that entails regarding aging issues and all that encompasses that. I have since learned that this forum seems to strongly support, and almost "push of many subjects to go under the rug by what seems to be a minimizing and a "poor little person" belief of some very serious issues. I am noticing many "pushes of hire-in care help, of the phycology industry, and a few others. I'm reading many comments that if I didn't know better I would almost say are 'staged blogger" comments interjected into some of these posts on this site. Now perhaps Im wrong, but one thing I am certain about the site does not 'like realism, especially any real comments that perhaps contain what they (who ever they would be) would believe to be seen as negativity or anything even close. It's appearing that they prefer to have nothing but supporting communication regardless how "fluffy how "surface" and no matter how unlikely the support would naturally be in any particular subject or comment in real life. I've been contacted by Aging care .com to keep all comments supportive p, they have gone so far as to say I personally attack and use vulgar language ... I simply responded by asking them to show me these examples they say I have done. They have never responded. Yet since then I have several comments from a few very similar to Gershuns.. I have no problem removing Agingcare . Com from my files, but let me say this... full time caregivers are not given the respect they deserve, not in society nor through legislation nor law. I plan to help try to change that, I'm not quite sure how yet, but because of my experiences the problems of such have come to light, and brightly. It's not a subject to be taken lightly nor to passively discuss. Caregivers should not be pacified, hushed or pushed to the side, because without them, including myself, many people's lives would be far different. Far different indeed.

..Gershun, this will be the last thing said to you; I find it odd that you would even come onto this question post, skim thru all the comments then speak nothing of the question itself but clearly have a direct purpose to "call me out. Yep, that's a bit odd.

Wittm1... I wish I knew you in person. To say you have sacrificed would be an insult to what you've given of yourself of free choice ... in cases like yours, it's a deeper hit, it's having to choose security of your own life or choose the well being of your mother. It's a very personal and effecting choice you've made. And it shouldn't be quietly respected, it should be, you should be highly respected and heavily thanked by those in your family that could not or would not do it, or could not or would not help "you to do it.

The question was/is; "...how do you deal with your dead beat adult siblings" ... the question was not "..please give suggestions or your opinions of how I should or anyone else "deal with, etc. can you see, understand the difference. Now, as many have expressed and shared their e perience, they have been very brave to come under this question I posted and speak of their own very tough experiences with "their own" siblings or family members who have left them to handle a very difficult situation ...and those people are to be commended... where-as ones like you, or others who are quite possibly out to stop or curb very real emotions, feelings, etc about very serious situations and to minimize the very real effects of such experiences to nothing more than the sweet nothings that are said on forums to people living very real situations.. many sweet nothings that perhaps to some, hold little value to no value.

... so Gershun, kindly 'list the 'everyone' ... Let me know who "everyone is. If you can show me that those I've disagreed with had stayed on the question posted, and are commenting about the question I asked when I started this post, then you will see I have not argued (correct term would be 'disagreed with any of those who have stayed within the question as a personal e perience. I repeat, I wrote the post question, correct? We should probably 'agree on that... So kindly, let me ask you not to come on this post to grand stand. Thanks.

When my dad began to fail my eldest brother said that he would "not enable our parents to not face the reality" that my mother (has Alz.) needed to be relocated. He is very cerebral, owns his own law firm. Poppa passed within 3 months. My other brother and I traded every other week Caring for her for a year.

Then I retired at 55 to be the full time caregiver. Wealthy brother was not comfortable with me being paid to care for mom , I feared he would drag me into court and have had no compensation. I worked for the same company for 27 years and had I stayed 7 more years my pension would have been $4400 a month, instead of the $1,700 I get. I am using up savings and may be poor by the end of my days. I have been the sole care giver for three years except for hired help 5 hours a week.

As it turns out he visits for a few hours three times a year. He has never asked to look at the books and treats me with respect. I do not admire or particularly respect my eldest brothers position. But, I chose this path with all it's sacrifices and hardships because it was the best option for me. He did not make me do it. I could not have lived with myself if I had not seen to her well being and kept her in her home as long as it served her best. He is wired differently. He would not make a good caregiver for any real length of time.

I have no animosity towards him, but I his position has caused a dent in my otherwise significant respect for him. I do think that there is a possibility that after my mother passes we will just fade away and out of one another's life. So be it. It is not good or bad, it just is.

...no really, I wanna know. You've written on my posted question, even similar to some of my own things I've written... so who are you. And more-so what are you trying to accomplish here, because you are failing. You are sounding how shall I say, rather insulting and condensending to intelligence ... so, and only answer if you will answer honestly, what do you do for a living ... who are you.

....ziggy123... who are you.

... Im going to say this ... if you are caring full time, you know exactly what that means... that means you have no help to come into your home (or your parent/s home) to divide "time...to give you fair and considerate breaks and to allow you to retain choice and freedom. If you are said persons cook, maid, launderer, errand boy, bathing help, their hairdresser, clothes dresser, their barber/stylist, their nurse, their med aid, and their financial advisor, their entire provider, then you are caring for someone "above full time. If you are only helping them a couple to few hours per week, you are not a full time care giver. If your loved one is in an assisted living or nursing home, then you are not a full time caregiver. If you are only helping said person even 3 to 4 days, 5 to "7 hours per day you are not a full time caregiver. I, am a beyond full time caregiver of my mother. 24/7/365. She does not have any income to speak of, her income is not even on the charts when deciding national levels of typical poverty. (Her income is less than 11k per year. She has no private insurance of any kind (she carries Medicare/Medicare) she has no property, no estate, no will' to even be argued. She is simply a human being alive and breathing at the age of 76 who's own age related mental and physical capacity does not allow for her total independence. At the moment She coughs and hacks phlegm 24 hours per day, she sits 23.5 hours per day and has incontinence that is worsend by the lack of will to 'physically use the restroom. She prefers to be waited on, but while she's in my home there's actually no other way, beings my kitchen is 6 stairs up. Her "status in society is nill. She is basically an invisible statistic. Her government, although she's worked and paid into society's bank roll and help fund the illegal entity called the IRS, all for over 56 years, she's allowed no assistance what so ever to support or condone independence unless I pay for it, unless I hire someone to come into my home so I can leave to work to earn the money to pay them .... and she is only allowed physical in-home (in facility) assistance 'if'' she is placed within a facility. But she can only afford to be in a facility if any such facility will allow her to reside by being qualified through the "Governments Medicade Waiver Program" (the income gap filler between her income and a facilities abuse of charges.) Which means, regardless of her other kids not pitching in, it becomes the reality of time and physical care that she needs to live safe and comfortable ... I'm not speaking to live above her means, we're taking safe and minimally comfortable... and that means an assisted living facility when one is willing to take her because of her income limitations. The 'physical time' that a person such as she needs has destroyed my life plan, my income, and assuredly my near future. It's not a "oh buck up and be glad to know she'll die and you'll be happy to know you took care of her"... ummm, no, because she could live another 20 years... and if I don't place her I will have ruined not only my life, but my children's ..and for what? Just to say I did? It's been going on for pushing 18 months now ... and that folks is why I'm p-oed (angry, very raw and deeply so) at my siblings. Because it would have taken very little of their shared help to make this entire situation, livable, affordable and doable. Without it destroying another in the process. So, someone asked how has out side help 'helped beyond even siblings? ... it's called loans, money being borrowed to keep lights on, it's called selling everything I own to pay rent, it's called no one calls back when I ask "how soon before a place for my mother is ready".. it's called ... it's called "hearing "I'm sorry, she's not qualified" to be tattooed on my back. ;)

...and to all of you, do excuse the ridiculous typos ... I'm typing from a rather small iPad and this site doesn't have option to "edit ... so I apologize for any struggle in reading.

...to "SherwoodPark" ... it hurts her, because she's done allot for one of them. She's getting a bit lost in her thoughts saying "it's you and me against the world" type statements, yesterday I have kids that hear that. She's not a loving grandmother, it's just not in her, and it's not like it's changed, she's ever been.. for ten most part she's viewed her grandchildren as "problems ... as pains in her a**... my sons feel that as she's taking up our entire living room. She scorns them as they walk by, even though they get her everything they ask. Even though they've helped her back up after she's sunk to the floor by sliding out her chair, etc. as soon as the assisted living apartment is ready I will be moving her there and then, I repair what's happened. The siblings? They'll reap what they've sewn, or they won't. Bottom line is; we had a mother in common, and they allowed one kid out of 4 to take the hit, period.

Ziggy... in respect to all your good intentions... you've got to be kidding me. lol. Question for you; what capacity are you caring for someone. Listen, my IQ would put a counselor in a straight jacket thru their lack of being able to handle what I say to them. I don't do "councelors" they are human. Some of the most helpful "therapists and coucelors commit suicide, because they are only good to tell others what they think others should do, but their own lives are a phychological nightmare. And I don't need to change my name, because I am tired. I'm not a Girl Scout nor little miss a ray of sunshine ... I'm what people call a "realist with hope" ... and no, "others out there do not rush to the call for help regarding changing elderly diapers, sitting hours while hearing dementia fed communication and waiting hand and foot on that same person... so I'm not sure where you are even from, Earth? (And I mean that gently with a smile) ... I didn't create this post to get pats on gen back, I needed to hear others b**ch about the reality some of us face when entire families do the absolute worst ...abandon someone who once was close to them. That's all I wanted to hear. (But thank you)