Hubby is in a really good memory care place 15 mins from home. I see him nearly every day. He's still highly cognizant. When we're out for lunch or a doctor visit he always wants to stop by the house. Everyone says this is a really bad idea. That it turns out to be cruel and they don't want to leave, and it creates a mess. I've been honest about it since he doesn't "fool" easily with made up stories. But he's so angry now, calling me up to say that I WANT him to die in this place (memory care) and he's going to get out of there even if he has to go to court, and saying really hateful things. It's amped up some paranoia about me wanting to sell the house, run off with someone else, and so on. He's such a loving guy, this is really over the top for him. Any suggestions? Should I take him home for a visit?
hubby wants to go home … that’s a very real request … wouldn’t you ???
when my hubby did ask same … I was very honest… said I couldn’t take good care of him at home … it was dangerous stairs falls .. meds not regulated properly… Visits to GP’s useless … it was hard to convince because they’ve lost ability to think logically…. But he came to realize that was true… and MC provided all the care we couldn’t at home no matter all the aides !!!
Also it was lonely and boring at home … few visitors after initial drive bye’s… visit as much as you can .. let him know you haven’t abandoned…
continue outings … bring treats …
some do well with occasional visits home … I didn’t think my husband would .. do whatever you think right.
but I surely wouldn’t cut back visits !!!! Tell him you don’t like situation either but ‘we have to make best of it’ … you know LO best so do whatever to cut down on their anxieties and confusion!!
best luck