Dealing with someone you think may be mentally ill?
I am starting to think my mom is mentally ill. My parents went into a terrible tailspin around the age of 70 that involved heavy drinking, prescription drug abuse, and a deterioration in their marriage. After spending about 5 years living a very isolated and negative lifestyle, dad developed signs of dementia and eventually had to be put into a care facility. I think dad was probably covering for mom's mental illness but once he was unable to do that, she has unravelled and now I've got a mess on my hands. She's been placed in a "senior behavioral health center" three times in less than 12 months. I think she's bipolar at best, schizophrenic at worst. NOT dementia, I'm sure of that. I'm her only outlet to the world, really, and it's terrifying to think she will continue to be a weight on me for the next 10-20 years. I might add that I believe my mom's "split personality" combined with verbal abuse of my father, contributed to his rapid cognitive decline.
Upstream, you have my heart and prayers for strength and a break. The more you learn and share, the easier it will become. Someone needs to know you can't care for her. My aunt's 2nd trip to ER in 2 days got results when I said that I was incapable of transferring her, and this inability to walk right and think about what she was doing was new. I said I am NOT taking her home this way. Blessings on the staff, who heard me and kept her to see what I was talking about. This was in Jan. (((HUGS)))
You have had a very hard time for a long time.
Somehow you have to detach emotionally. Maybe you already have to a degree?
If you have access to her funds, hire everything out. Try to limit your contact. Don’t enable or protect her too much from her acting out.
Continue to protect your dad, your DH and your health.
At some point you may choose to walk away. Do what you have to do for your own mental health. My experience is that the help you try to give doesn’t seem to help that much.
My understanding is that until she’s about 60 days sober you can’t truly diagnose.
Even though she does not have dementia now she is getting older and at some point she will have a life event that will render her unable to access the alcohol. At that time she might have a chance to sober up long enough to be treated for bipolar schizoaffective disorder or whatever it might be. There is medication that can help. Usually they stop taking it after they feel better and the cycle repeats but one can hope.
can you attend 3 times for the information you need to proceed?
You can also attend NAMI support groups on mental illness for the families of the mentally ill. A definitive diagnosis is best done by a psychiatrist. If she has been placed in a "senior behavioral health center", you can be sure she already has a diagnosis. You would need for her to provide " permission" for you to receive the
diagnosis, via HIPPA and Medical Poa. Your hands are tied if she refuses.
With more information, you will have the facts to be able to plan your escape, or to decide to support your mother through this dilemma.
Often, caregivers on this forum are advised that there may be a responsibility to get care for your loved one, but not to do the hands on caregiving yourself.
You said "and it's terrifying to think she will continue to be a weight on me for the next 10-20 years".
I imagine like an avalanche of pressure hanging above your head ready to crush & smother you? And caring for Dad & and also trying to keep a life for yourself.
Looking for support for yourself is a great start. The old "put your O2 on before helping anyone else"... Councelling, Social Worker, Doctor, just start getting help before it becomes overwhelming (if not already).
Then you can decide what & how much is possible for you to do yourself or arrange & how much to step back.
Very best wishes.
What do her manic episodes look like? What form do they take?
God knows this is bloody miserable for you, but I'm actually looking at a different angle. Nobody can be dependent on one other person. You're thinking about how this is going to go for the next ten or twenty years. But... what if she's still around, but you're not? What's to become of her?
You matter too! I'd prefer to take that as a given. But the other important point is, that her best interests depend on her being all right even if you can't be there for her. And if that's the goal anyway... why not aim for it in the first place?
Thanks everyone for the responses to my post!