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Forum member is trying to cope with serious and persistent sexual harassment in her workplace by a 92 year old AD sufferer. How should she handle the situation? Would she be right to walk out? Do you blame the patient for the problem?
This is really a heartbreaking situation, and one that doesn't seem to have good solutions.
The husband of a member of my caregivers' group was pretty well behaved at home, but exhibited unacceptable behaviors at the day care center. Understandably they could not have him disrupt the entire group, so they "expelled" him. Now what could she do? Does she have to be tied to him 24/7? She loved him greatly, wanted the best for him, wanted to keep him home as long as possible, but needed some respite! And we've also had members whose loved ones were in facilities and were uncomfortable or at risk from the behavior of other residents. No one wants their mother to fear her NH neighbors, but nobody wants their father to be kicked out.
People who are totally uncontrollable may need to be in a psych facility of some kind. But do smutty comments and verbally coming on to a caregiver qualify as totally uncontrollable? Surely no caregiver should be subjected to that, but then how will the poor guy with dementia be cared for?
In this particular situation, which involved a filthy environment as well, I'd say the man might be better off in a care center capable of handling those with dementia. With multiple care providers (presumably with training) they may be better able to deal with him, and at least he would be in a clean, safe environment. Perhaps a male aid could handle his bathing and toileting help.
Or maybe this guy should have a male caregiver if he is to stay in his own home.
But sometimes the inappropriate behavior is screaming, striking out, making threats, etc. and changing the gender of the caregiver would not improve anything.
Medication can help with extreme agitation. I think a doctor should be consulted about any unacceptable behaviors. But that isn't a sure-fire solution.
I do not blame the patient for the problem.
I do not blame the caregiver for walking out of this private-home situation.
Some caregivers might be able to laugh it off, make a joke of it, chalk it up to the dementia, be stern when the behavior arises, and get on with the job. But I hardly think that can be a job requirement.
You raise a very interesting topic, Countrymouse, and although I have given it thought over the last few years, I don't see a great solution.
I understand this difficult question and can only offer my two cents: I would be to ask the doctor for drugs to sedate him. His behavior will harm others if you don't. My FIL did not have dementia but...... after he hit 90 yrs old, his comments became more and more inappropriate. I was afraid to take him out to a restaurant etc because he thought he was funny but .................definitely came across as a dirty old man. He lived with me for his final 6 months and I really didn't take him out much. That was okay because his wife (alzheimers) was living here too and I couldn't really take her out either. Between his inappropriate sexual comments and her stubborn, ill-tempered dementia behavior...................I just waited it all out. He died 8 weeks ago and I am so glad. Now I only have one person living with me here in the twilight zone lol
She should report the problem to her supervisor, not walk out. If nothing is done, file a complaint with the EEOC and things will get better. I don't blame the patient, but I don't excuse him either. If he needs to be in a psych unit, so be it.
Just because the person is being inappropriate does not mean they still don't deserve good care...some caregivers can handle situations like this... some can not... when I first started working with G, he was 'testing' me....He would pull the top of my scrubs down.. and say something inapproapriate... I would simply remove his hand and continue what I was doing...The third time... I took his hand... firmly but not harming him... and made him look me in the eye... I told him NO... that is not how you treat me.... has never happened again... he says things sometimes, but I either laugh it off or ignore him..... there is NO touching I will allow.... not the inappropriate kind....so maybe she needs another caregiver....
You have been given many suggestions on the medical side of this... apparently his anxiety is manifesting itself in this way.... hopefully some of the suggestions here will help.... but it is never the care receivers fault in the case of Alz....... their filters are gone.....
It's not the fault of the AD patient, any more than it's the fault of an untrained dog. That doesn't mean you can't do things to try to stop it. I'm not sure of the details of the story. Personally, I would firmly scold such behavior, and leave the room. I would threaten to report him to my boss or to his wife or daughter. An AD patient "can't learn," but that's not 100% true.
If he can't or won't stop when confronted, he may belong in a psyche ward.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The husband of a member of my caregivers' group was pretty well behaved at home, but exhibited unacceptable behaviors at the day care center. Understandably they could not have him disrupt the entire group, so they "expelled" him. Now what could she do? Does she have to be tied to him 24/7? She loved him greatly, wanted the best for him, wanted to keep him home as long as possible, but needed some respite! And we've also had members whose loved ones were in facilities and were uncomfortable or at risk from the behavior of other residents. No one wants their mother to fear her NH neighbors, but nobody wants their father to be kicked out.
People who are totally uncontrollable may need to be in a psych facility of some kind. But do smutty comments and verbally coming on to a caregiver qualify as totally uncontrollable? Surely no caregiver should be subjected to that, but then how will the poor guy with dementia be cared for?
In this particular situation, which involved a filthy environment as well, I'd say the man might be better off in a care center capable of handling those with dementia. With multiple care providers (presumably with training) they may be better able to deal with him, and at least he would be in a clean, safe environment. Perhaps a male aid could handle his bathing and toileting help.
Or maybe this guy should have a male caregiver if he is to stay in his own home.
But sometimes the inappropriate behavior is screaming, striking out, making threats, etc. and changing the gender of the caregiver would not improve anything.
Medication can help with extreme agitation. I think a doctor should be consulted about any unacceptable behaviors. But that isn't a sure-fire solution.
I do not blame the patient for the problem.
I do not blame the caregiver for walking out of this private-home situation.
Some caregivers might be able to laugh it off, make a joke of it, chalk it up to the dementia, be stern when the behavior arises, and get on with the job. But I hardly think that can be a job requirement.
You raise a very interesting topic, Countrymouse, and although I have given it thought over the last few years, I don't see a great solution.
I'm looking forward to reading other responses.
My FIL did not have dementia but...... after he hit 90 yrs old, his comments became more and more inappropriate. I was afraid to take him out to a restaurant etc because he thought he was funny but .................definitely came across as a dirty old man. He lived with me for his final 6 months and I really didn't take him out much. That was okay because his wife (alzheimers) was living here too and I couldn't really take her out either. Between his inappropriate sexual comments and her stubborn, ill-tempered dementia behavior...................I just waited it all out.
He died 8 weeks ago and I am so glad. Now I only have one person living with me here in the twilight zone lol
You have been given many suggestions on the medical side of this... apparently his anxiety is manifesting itself in this way.... hopefully some of the suggestions here will help.... but it is never the care receivers fault in the case of Alz....... their filters are gone.....
If he can't or won't stop when confronted, he may belong in a psyche ward.