Do dementia patients have a negative disposition?

My mom hasnt been diagnosed yet due to the fact that she is stubborn and grouchy and wont let me take her to the doctor yet. I do believe that they get negative.

My father throughout his life was a very balanced individual pleasant funny with different moods so to speak like everyone else in life. One mood did not take precedent over another. As his dementia set in he became even more pleasant sweet cooperative appreciative and thankful and never got upset he was a joy to everyone around him. So throughout his life he was a great guy. The dementia while it slowed him down a bit he persevered through it until the end. Pleasant up until the last four days of his life when he was no longer aware. So each individual patient is different as others have stated on this forum. Patience empathy compassion love keeping them as active as possible and always have a smile on your face.

I am interested in this question. My Dad seems to look for negative experiences. He focuses on glass half full. I feel like he wants to be angry because it will make his testosterone go up and he will feel better. I have suggested an anti-depre but he is not interested.

Dementia is brain damage. She cannot control her thoughts or feelings. It is not her fault. It is hard on family members, please keep reminding yourself it is not her fault.

I wonder if it's time for an anti-depressant for your Gran? Made a huge difference with my Mom.

For the last ten years, I've been visiting a lady at the nearby state-run facility for people who had mental illness and are now diagnosed as having dementia. They are wards of the state. I would say that I have seen quite a variation of personalities when I was there.

Happy: Hope, the longest and oldest resident there, was always a joy to see. The staff said she was a favorite patient, always upbeat and never complaining. She sat all day in her wheelchair with her head bent to her chest but as soon as she heard a voice, her head popped to the side and she had a big smile and a friendly greeting. She died last year.

Content: Noah always greeted me enthusiastically and wanted me to come into his room to see his Bible collection. When I found out his last name was the same as a cousin of someone at church, I asked if they were related. She was shocked to find out that her Uncle Noah was there, twenty minutes from her house. She said he'd been "put away" as a young adult and no one ever talked about him. I told her how sweet he was and hoped she would visit. She didn't. He died last year.

Discontent, but happy in his delusions: James always told me that he was getting out of "this place" because he didn't belong there, he wasn't like "them." And then he would tell fantastic fabrications of being an ER doc, a mountain climber, the captain on a cruise ship, etc. He actually did "get out" -- his family was still involved in his life and he was moved to another facility closer to them.

Aggressive: A lady from Puerto Rico, who only spoke Spanish, was loud and intimidating. Those who could understand her (I couldn't) said she was mad about things that were not what she culturally grew up knowing, the food especially. She was always looking for a fight, I steered clear of her. Her family turned her over to the state because they were afraid of her and needed her to be somewhere safe. She also died last year.

Dull: The lady I visit, Ruth, has moments of brightness and then just disappears so to speak, no emotion. But she'll say things like, "They say I have dementia. I don't have dementia. I would know if I had dementia." Her first words to me this week were, "Jesus loves you." (I started crying right away, I needed to hear those words after just being through another hyper-spiritual tirade from my husband about how disgusting I am to God. It never ceases to amaze me how God can speak to us, even through the a lady with dementia.) The rest of the visit she talked repeatedly about falling and how she hurts all over and her food needs to be pureed. I tried to redirect her with some of the things I know about her past (she has told some wild stories but many of them checked out true -- her parents made horror and XXX movies back in the 60s and 70s -- I actually found their IMDB pages; they had three homes, one was on Long Island and I thought I could get her to chat a bit about growing up on Long Island) but she was fixated this visit on falling and pureed food and pretty much devoid of emotion.

So, not all dementia patients have a negative disposition. I really think much of it goes back to their disposition as a child. Hope and Noah both had Mennonite upbringing. James was highly intelligent, very academic and well-read (hence the detailed stories). The Puerto Rican lady I never learned enough about to picture her childhood. Ruth had a lot of unsavory people in her life as a child, I suspect she may have been abused by some of them (even filmed), and perhaps that is why she becomes dull, maybe she had a habit of shutting down emotions as a child.

"Every patient is different" is the wisest statement in these remarks.

If a patient was lonely or insecure BEFORE the dementia showed up, elements of that loneliness or insecure makeup may express themselves in an unusual way AFTER the initial diagnose is made.

As I read these notes and comments, I get the feeling that most of the questions are looking for "quick fixes" or "pat answers" or (to put it more plainly: My Patient should act like your Patient did.

Not so, in many cases. Whereas we look for similiarities in the behavior of our Patient, for insight and understanding as to how to respond, there may be a different reason for that reaction from the perspective of the patient. In dementia, the "wires of their communications and expressions simply get crossed up, short-circuted, or (somehow) reverted to older memories or experiences.

Patience is the virture we need as caregivers; not "reactiveness".

Theron Few

Anyone with any illness will act that way because their only frame if reference are the 100% capable people around them. This is one reason why i moved with mom to a retirenent community. There, she met all sorts of wonderful seniors who had it worse than her..it was like "i don't have it as bad as" so and so..maybe there is a local adult daycare the she could go weekly to socialize gran and change the routine :)

dementia doesn’t make you forget how much you’ve lost !!!
my husband recently passed from LBD and although he had delusions
hallucinations … he had a lot of lucid
times when he was very sad and was aware of everything that he lost up to time he died.
it’s a mistake to think they don’t have that awareness….
Don’t minimize their pain … and try to cheer them up !!!
they have every right to be sad !!! !
wouldn’t you ???
I used to agree with my husband and say we have try make best of
this situation.. he’s getting best care
family close by .. etc. And then change subject …let’s get a snack …
shall I get pizza for dinner ….
whatever …
good luck

Thank you for all your replies, it really helps to get different perspectives.

My 92 YO mom who is in memory care is a "favorite" of the staff because she is always "happy." She is not combative or negative. She is living in a fantasy world that apparently meets her emotional needs. Every patient is different. May be a reflection of their usual disposition prior to dementia took hold. Some people are glass half full and some are glass half empty.

People living with dementia are certainly at increased risk of clinical depression. On top of that, living as they do in a world that is no longer making sense, where weird stuff keeps happening that they cannot understand, is it any wonder that they can be fearful, anxious, paranoid?

Your grandmother's focus on the negative, though, does suggest that she is feeling the sadness and despair associated with depression; and there may be ways to correct the chemical imbalance that could be causing it. Ask her doctor to consider and investigate the possibility.

Try to set aside your natural feelings of rejection so that you don't resent her seeming ingratitude. Just at this phase of her cruel disease, she can no more appreciate the warmth and love that the family surrounds her with than a blind person can see the beautiful flowers.

My mother is 87 and rarely if ever happy. She has been screened for Dementia and Alzhemer's she has neither. She complains endlessly about her being lonely but she gets at least 3 visitors a day and she plays cards 2-3 times a week with friends in her circle. She is upbeat and bright around her friends but when I am there helping her with something she talks non stop about her miserable lonely life. I can do nothing to please her, if I run an errand and get her supplies she b*****s that the bottle has a different label or that I bought too much ____ and she will never use all that before she dies. One thing that my mother loves to do is to make mountains out of mole hills. She also loves to make other people miserable. Your gran might be doing the same thing.

Dementia patients CAN respond favorably to antidepressant medication, if it’s carefully introduced in small doses so that symptom reduction can be carefully monitored in relation to dosage.

Your gran has a very complex set of really difficult conditions which individually can produce pain, depressive reactions, and overall limited positive responses to surroundings.

With every possible bit of due respect for you as a caregiver, you really don’t’ “…know dementia is hard…” because you (hopefully) don’t have dementia, and every dementia is different. Then couple that with Parkinson’s?

Your concept of “something nice” may just not be matching anything in HER ability to respond, or may even more simply just not occur to her as being “something nice”.

How do you know that she is “….thinking about how terrible her life is”?

SO— Is she taking some sort of mood management medication? Has her medical supervisor suggested that she might benefit from that approach? Could you contact the physician who sees her and ask for input on that possibility?

She s SO lucky to be surrounded by people who love her and want to help. Maybe it would be good for all of you if she were able to respond more positively.

Mom was always, always easy going and non-demanding. Loved her so much and hated leaving her totally in the hands of my sister but could not be around sibling any longer. Mom didn’t last much after leaving and it broke my heart. At times I felt I should have toughed it out. Mom sweetheart before and after.

Dad also, for the most part, is easy going but a bit more demanding (cut my nails, does my hair need combing, I want coffee, etc). So now that he is in the hospital setting for a bit, we are trying to get him doing more for himself. Not sure how much he was getting to do on his own in nursing home because he was far away and I only got to see 2 or 3 times a month. Dad demanding before and still after. The feisty one.

I have an uncle and his wife says sometime has attitude. For example, not going to eat this and across the floor the food goes. This seem to match his personality the entire lifespan as well. Seemed a bit mean.

But guess it depends on many factures.

I’ve been taking care of my dad almost full time the last year. While he was rarely what I’d call cheerful in my entire life he is now the almighty Eeore. The only person he likes is the dog. The only thing he enjoys is the dog. Every day is a series of complaints, regrets, past failures, suspensions that people are taking his stuff, accusations, and woe is me. His rare happiness is planning getting a job, buying vehicles, buying a large house, getting married and starting a family. He then gets mad if anyone questions any of it.
I struggle with having no life as every moment he is awake is a game of avoid conflict and try to find 1 thing to enjoy, connect, or live through with him. Every thing I watch he has seen many times years ago and “you’d have to be a real moron to enjoy something as stupid as that” comments. All music is bad, all games are stupid. All activities are boring.

A common pattern is that they're mean to their primary caregiver (especially if it's a family member), but nice to everyone else.

My 94 y/o mother with dementia has a nasty disposition with me; with others, she's as nice as can be. All she does is complain and bemoan her lot in life, and how her life has been miserable, and how her husband didn't give her what she deserved, and blah blah BLAH. Meanwhile, she's never had cancer, a serious surgery, nothing. She's led an easy peasy life with no hardships of any kind, no poverty, nothing to really complain about, so she invents it. She's never been grateful for a single thing in her life, ever, and that's a disgusting way to live life. For ALL us who have to listen to her, frankly.

Your gran should thank God for all she DOES have and the family who bends over backwards to make her happy and give her company & help. Or one day, she may find herself alone b/c the family got sick and tired of putting up with her crap and quit coming around. Then she'll REALLY have something to be upset about huh?

There is no single pattern of temperament, demeanor or personality for dementia patients. Some may be docile and agreeable. Others may be depressed or apathetic or even paranoid. As the disease progresses, the person may exhibit different personalities or maintain the same temperament throughout the disease. Just remember, her behavior is not a reflection on you or the love you have for her.

I would say they have all the stops out, in that they are not socially inhibited as most of us are. They are not able to "put a good face on it". They react as they feel. For the elderly there is little to be thrilled about it. Whereas for you there is everything ahead of you, a world of possibilities, for us it is behind us, and ahead is loss after loss after loss. We lose our loved ones, our careers, our importance to family, our mobility, the ability to have a well body rather than one that aches in every part, and finally we lose our minds, and the ability to retain the memories that make us who we are. It can be a depressing world. For more of us than you can imagine, we will not be sad to make our exit; we have "been there and done that" if you will.
Why don't you ask gran about happy memories. Ask her what is difficult for her now. It might not be happy talk,but you might learn a lot about what she feels.

Everyone is different.
My Husband was easy going prior to dementia diagnosis and after as well. He was non verbal but every time I talked to him he would smile. When I told him I was leaving to go to the store, he would turn his head and give me a kiss, when I got back he would give me a kiss. (He would kiss me if I leaned in to kiss him, he never initiated a kiss or a hug) He would hold my hand as much and as often as he could.