I work for an Agency, I am not an IP, and I didn’t personally know my clients before I started working. I have a client who is verbally abusive and I’ve been trying so hard for so long to put up with the abuse thinking “It isn’t her fault she is just going through a lot” because she would say nice things about me before or after becoming verbally abusive. She is constantly over my shoulder, commenting on what I’m doing and questioning if I know what I’m doing. If I did something wrong that can easily be fixed or I do something she thinks is wrong, she would freak out, even if the way she wanted it done wasn't possible. She even freaks out about things I didn’t even do wrong. Not to mention her time standards were literally impossible. I’ve tried so much problem solving and all she does is say I gave her anxiety or I’m getting her upset and she needs to go sit down. Everything is my fault. She also tries to bait me into talking about politics and will sit there and talk about how the people that disagree with her were all horrible people. It didn’t bother me, it actually went in one ear, out the other and I just gave her simple replies. It’s as if she is trying to make me mad? I don’t know..
Well, I have RA and I’ve been having a really bad flare up the past two days. The pain is unbearable. I can’t do anything and I’m constantly in tears, so I made an appointment. Soonest they could get me in was today so naturally I took it because I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I called the Agency and gave them a proper notice. Today this client, who I see on Friday, texted me, while I was with another client, flat out guilt tripping me and saying how upset and disappointed she was in me. If she can’t get a caregiver when I give the proper notice, it’s on the Agency, not me. Besides the only shift I’ve taken off besides today was Christmas, which she freaked out on me for even asking and started attacking me for being an Alcoholic. Which I’m not?? Don’t even know where that came from.
I spoke to the Agency about everything and they told me I HAVE to go to her for 2 more weeks. Can they even do that?
I'm assuming that there's no substitute available? That might be the real reason.
You have vented, and hopefully feel MUCH BETTER for having done so, but PRESUMABLY, YOU HAVE CHOSEN to work with damaged people.
Were you provided with a JOB DESCRIPTION when you hired on? Did it include “Listen and respond to client’s insults, harangues, and vulgarity”? NO? DIDN’T THINK SO.
WHAT IS YOUR JOB? IF YOU CAN DO IT, DO IT!
At 21, you can make this a WONDERFUL TRAINING EXPERIENCE FOR YOURSELF, OR—-
You can decide that at this point in your life, you’re not able to do it.
People who are sick, emotionally distressed, old, just plain ornery, WHATEVER, ACT UNREASONABLY. YOU should not be allowing this to make you miserable.
If you CAN’T DO THIS, it doesn’t mean that your client is THE DEVIL or that YOU’RE incapable of being a REALLY FINE AIDE. IT MEANS that you’re caught in a really lousy mismatch and it’s making you (and your client?) miserable.
SO DON’T MAKE IT ALL ABOUT YOUR CLIENT, OR ABOUT YOU EITHER.
Do you have a case manager? Have you discussed this with agency staff? Are you making a salary you can’t live without? Can you apply to another agency? Can you find a job that will pay the same salary in a related but less client sensitive field? Can you think of other options for employment that don’t cause you physical (mental, emotional) distress?
Think this through, list your options, decide.........
Some people are appreciative. Others will go out of their way to upset you. Some aren’t capable of being pleasant, due to various reasons.
You will never be able to control another person’s behavior. You can only change your reaction to it.
Sure, you may be able to influence some people but if you have hit a wall with certain people and you undoubtedly will, stop trying. Don’t waste your time and energy.
It comes down to this, do you want this job? Is she worth loosing your job over.
Your employer has told you what they expect of you. You can accept it or look for another job. I have no idea if most agencies would act in the same manner about these situations.
In this field you will always be dealing with this situation and perhaps worse.
How long have you been a caregiver? Do you want to continue working in this field? If not, move on to something else.
I wish your employer would correct this situation for you but they aren’t. They will lose an employee if you walk. I don’t think it will matter much to them.
Did the agency tell you about her personality before you were assigned to this job?
Keep your doctor appointments. Your health is important.
I hope things start looking up for you soon.
I think your RA pain was caused by the stress of caring for this woman. Good excuse to drop her as a client. My question is, why did you give her your phone number? Or, was it you called her and thats how she got it. Now you know not to call clients. If you are running late, call the agency and have them to call the client. Never give clients your personal information. Not ur phone number or your address. Keep the relationship professional. Do not run errands on your time. If its part of the job discription that u can run an errand, thats OK if its on the clients time and ur being paid by the agency. I am not saying you won't get attached to a client, but you have to be very careful what you do for them. Some will start expecting. Also, take nothing from them. Your agency probably has a rule about excepting gifts. You will learn that in everything u do you need boundries. As my boss used to tell her nurses, "You may be the only person this client sees all day. So take some time to sit and talk with them" But she also had rules about how involved the nurses got.
You are correct, you work for the agency not this woman. It sounds like she has some very serious mental issues. You need to block her number. Then u will have no idea she called. Let her call the agency if she has complaints. If enough of their employees will not work with this client, they may have to drop her. There maybe one of the employees that can deal with this woman. Just except that you can't. Experience will help you learn how to deal with different people. My daughter is Nurse. She loved her grandfather but he could be a royal pain. She said he being the way he was, helped her deal with patients like him.
.
I had phone cell numbers for mom’s caregivers from an agency.
The agency that Council on Aging used told their workers to call or text before they arrived.
It was the same thing with Home Health workers. The head nurses in Home Health were great at coordinating mom’s schedule and needs.
They would call or text me to say that they were on the way, running late or if they needed to reschedule.
When I had a message for them, such as rescheduling due to mom having a doctor appointment, I called the agency to relay the message.
I wonder if most agencies have similar policies about communicating with clients.
The caregivers we had though made it clear that I was welcome to call or text them anytime.
I know how busy caregivers are with clients and I did not feel comfortable doing that.
One thing that surprised me was that I had one caregiver that wanted to be mom’s caregiver each visit.
She was good but another woman was a better fit for mom and I asked if we could have her permanently and they agreed.
I got a text from her asking why was she not on the schedule anymore and that she loved coming to our home.
I felt badly for her but didn’t respond because the agency had told me that they were going to tell her that mom was no longer her client.
I didn’t feel like I owed her an explanation because the agency told me that they were told when they were hired that they may or may not be working on a regular basis with clients and not to take it personally.
The agency strived to please their clients by serving their needs as best as possible.
I agree with you that it can cause problems communicating directly with the caregiver and not through the agency. The agency acts as an objective mediator, plus they are in charge.
Independent caregivers operate on their own behalf. Then it’s to be expected.
I see your point. But with an agency involved they should be the middleman so this kind of thing does not happen to their employees. I personally would not want to give out my personal phone # to virtual strangers. I actually rarely give it out since I have a landline.
Got a text yesterday saying I won a Gift Card from Amazon. Since Amazon does not have my cell info I knew it was a scam.
I feel the same way. The only way the agency should have the caregiver call them directly is to supply a separate work phone and I doubt that would happen.
I didn’t feel comfortable calling or texting them even though they invited me to do so.
They are so busy. I didn’t feel it was the right thing to do.
Phone numbers should remain private for the caregivers. It can open the door to stressful situations.
Can your employer tell you that you are being assigned to this particular client for 2 more weeks? Absolutely they can. They are your boss. This is what bosses do - they tell you what you have to do at work.
If it's untenable, and you absolutely cannot work for this woman anymore and your employer is insisting you go, then you have the right to quit.
That said, however, you are going to have aspects of any job that you do that are going to be unpleasant at the least. There are very few people fortunate enough to to love every single aspect of their job.
You are really the only one who can decide if it is worth it to you to try to put up with this behavior for another 2 weeks and see what happens then, or to leave this job and find another.
If this is going to be your career, unfortunately you are going to have to deal with abuse from clients. There are people in this community who deal with verbal abuse/criticism from their LO's every day while caregiving, and it sucks; but it happens often.
Are there any co-workers with more experience you can talk to about this? Someone who might give you some strategies about dealing with this sort of behavior? You might want to start asking around at work for some advice, I'm sure you will have other professional caregivers who have dealt with this who can give you some helpful hints about dealing with clients such as this one.
The one thing that can make it ok is knowing its your last 2 weeks ever with this person. I wish you swift healing, you sound like you need to put yourself first now.
Two weeks seems to me a small sacrifice. You have been putting up with this. I would agree to the two more weeks and say that after that you would not be able to continue to work with them if they cannot divide up the more difficult patients. That's what we did as nurses. It messed with "continuity of care" but often it was the only way.
I am sorry about the RA. My stepdaughter has dealt with it for many years and it is a BEAR. That she texted you is a shame. May I ask how she had your phone number? I would not be giving that out to clients.
I wish you the best. Sorry. I know full well what this is like.
One more clue. When I deal with a really terribly difficult personality I am sweet as pie to them. It drives them NUTS!
When I was working for a caregiving agency, I had a terrible client named Gene. Gene had Alzheimer's. Yes, I knew that he was ill and 'damaged' but what I didn't know was that he had a horrible temper and a foul mouth. He'd harass me non-stop all day long, from 7 am until 6 pm in the evening, so that by the time I was ready to leave, I was beside myself. I finally called the agency & said I'm DONE. They said they were surprised I lasted that long.........that everyone else they sent only lasted a couple of days, I lasted a month.
My point is this: these kinds of jobs are easy to find, as a rule. You can go work in an Assisted Living facility and have a variety of residents to care for and other aides to interact with, too. You're not limited to working with this particular agency, especially if they are going to force you to stay with a difficult client for 2 weeks, knowing you are having a flare up of RA.
This is the same advice I'd give to my daughter if she were expressing herself the way you've expressed yourself here. It's just not worth the grief you're going through, in my opinion, to force yourself to endure this nonsense for another two weeks. If you feel that you simply cannot get another job, however, as a caregiver in any capacity anywhere else, then by all means stick it out. But not before you scope things out first and see what the job market looks like. If you signed some sort of a contract or 'no compete' clause with this agency, then that's another story.
Good luck!
On the other hand caregivers are in short supply, the laws of supply and demand take over. Is the client private pay? If so, your employer will want to send you there until there is a replacement due to profit margins.
Caregiving jobs are a dime a dozen, find a different job.