My mother died from what was probably stroke-induced dementia in 2019. She was a zombie for about two years. My father has short-term memory loss that will inevitably worsen. I have a disorder that can lead to dementia and have been on medication that studies show can cause dementia. I have no children and my husband is 7 years older than I. As for my siblings, I wouldn't trust any of them near me. I don't want to end up destroyed by dementia with no one to care for me properly. While assisted suicide is available in a number of states, the rules are a cruel slap in the face to those who face dementia. You have to be considered competent when you make the decision but you must make the decision if you have only six months to live. This is nice for a lot of diseases but doesn't really work for dementia. I've found a few organizations in Switzerland and the Netherlands that allow a mentally competent person to obtain assisted suicide at any time. You have to jump through a lot of hoops and it costs a lot, but it's something to think about. If my husband goes before I do, I think that is what I'll do.
If a medication comes along that actually does restore cognitive integrity, I’ll want it to be tried on earth.
My own LO is presently declining significantly, as did her mother and my mother, but SOME of the other members of this side of my family, even with significant disease process (PD), retained their cognitive integrity to the very end. No extraordinary measure will be provided, but she receives exemplary care in her SNF, and I keep an eye on things almost everyday.
I’m too nosy to want to cut myself off from my natural future, whatever it may hold.
Nothing at all contentious here. We all need to think this out and do the best we can for ourselves.
Discontinue all your medications now, including any over the counter supplements.
Eat, drink and be merry.
Facebook also has a page called Final Exit that can be joined should you wish further discussion on self-deliverance.
As a nurse I have of course discussed this subject endlessly with fellow medical staff. Many feel we should have more options on timing our exit.
I would caution that some of your thinking involves fears of loss, an almost planned depression, and one should never act when thinking is in that realm. More than you can know plan their exit when ill. It isn't widely discussed, I fear.
It is a subject I wish was more discussed, but Americans have quite a determination to avoid discussion of the hard stuff.
I would venture to say only to know that you are not alone in your thinking.
I expect right to die to become easier as boomers age.
As for my interest in assisted suicide, I've lived with a serious and complicated mood disorder since I was about 7. I'm now 66. I have pursued treatment for years and years and really there is not much medicine has to offer. I spent a few hours today looking for research studies but so many of them cut off at 65 if not sooner. I am looking for an interdisciplinary mood disorder program that will help me give me as accurate a diagnosis as possible,. I'm also interested in the brain-gut axis, which addresses microbiome health, newer talk therapies, and psychedelic treatments like ketamine. So I'm not giving up just yet. Even so, what keeps me sane through all this is the knowledge that I can quit when I want, albeit after my husband is gone if I outlive him. I think I've had enough and the significant possibility I will get dementia ties it up like a bow. My best to you.
Instead of feeling like I’m going to end up like my elders, I’m doing my best to stay independent, continue challenging myself, keep learning tech, embrace change, declutter, all the stuff I saw my MIL doing, but she still got Alzeheimers. My own mom did very little of those things, and she is dealing more with loss of mobility, but def has dementia. Both our parents have official diagnoses of memory loss disease, but their memories are better than they are bad, now. They still know us kids, remember lots, but forget lots.
So if it gets me, I’d appreciate opting out, but will plan, with my husband for what we do, if not possible. We used to joke that since we want to go together, we’d simply jump on an iceberg, and float off to our fate, happily heading for whatever is next, together. As we age, we realize it is better to make actual realistic plans, because burdening our children, with our lack of preparation, or because we wanted things done our way, with no regard to the burden it will bear on our two kids, is not for us.
I feel like a traitor, even writing these words, but living under this, the past 4-8 years, watching our parent’s deteriorating health, and their increasing dependence, on their youngest daughter, our youngest sister, has also made life tough. I won’t go into it here, but things are the way they are because it is the way our mom, dad and sister want it. They live together, always have, their choice, never discussed with the three older sisters. It is what it is.
This is my first post, and the subject brought me out from under the covers, as I’ve been lurking this forum, for over four years. You’ve helped keep me sane. We’re all just doing our best to support our sister and parents, always have, too much to say to tell the story, but know that lack of communication is deadly, and memory loss disease, combined with immobility, incontinence and poor health, is a lot to deal with, so I want the easy way out, in case doing everything possible to avoid it, does not work.
Thanks for having a place for people to go for excellent, honest, caring advice. I’ve experienced how much people can help each other, just by sharing their troubles and solutions. It works!
Do know that even when we have "intent" not to "go there" very few of us, even when we have a means at hand, willingly exit this life. Even those in pain at the end of life. When I was in nursing I was taught that by a Priest. So dire was his condition that nurses went in two by two and wept outside his room questioning why "his God" didn't take him to peace. Yet one night he said to me "If the pain meds put me out could you wake me at 9?" I said "Sure, but WHY?" and he said "Quincy's on then". So while we prayed for him to die this gentle man wanted one more episode of that Coroner's program, Quincy, on TV.
Believers would say it isn't to us to make the time. Others say is is/can be. I think most of us would be comforted to know we COULD have a painless exit if we wanted it, even tho few of us would likely use it.
I live in an area that is a huge snowbird and retirement community, far and wide, every small town, every place within 200 miles has catered to the aged for decades.
We have so many silver alerts and I can not help but think, these are without variation, people that have Alzheimer or dementia, did they knowingly walk away to let nature take it's course? It doesn't take long in our extreme heat to become unconscious and die. Sounds like a good option if you can no longer have any quality of life.
Years back, an article came out about how ppl were going to Mexico for bottles of liquid barbiturate intended for animal euthanasia. The people would just drink them and hope to go out like Marilyn Monroe.
So, now at 68, I see my friends watching and caring for their 95 year old parents, watching them swim upside down like a dying goldfish for what seems like forever, fighting with siblings for time or inheritance, and I am so thankful my parents (my step father, too) went so early and quickly. It is the most loving thing to do. At some point, it will be too late to have any say in our treatment. That is the what scares me the most. Thanks, mom, and don't worry about me, kids, I have a plan.
My frustration with my mother has to do with a number of issues. She has had so many periods dating back to my childhood when she couldn't cope and stayed in bed. She practiced Christian Science. That did not solve two hip and one knee replacement along with countless other issues. I tried to have her be healthier.
During Covid she developed a septic infection. She spent time in a hospital and was released to rehab and then SN. She hasn't walked since. 9 months ago she was dropped by an aid who went against protocol and both her femurs were broken. She then developed a horrific bedsore which she still has. She has to be catheterized. I feel very bad about all of this but there is nothing else for me to do but visit and see countless residents whose quality of life is nonexistent at least from my viewpoint. Crying, screaming for help or totally out of it. I don't know how anyone could want this.
Alzheimer's could wipe out any kind of planning, so you'd have to act pretty soon after it was clear you had it.
Everyone should have an Advance Directive filled out and kept by people who would need to know about it.
It becomes a burden on families. One person is sacrificed to give up their job to take care of these folks. The sacrificial lamb or goat is left with not enough money in their retirement savings and will be living a life of uncertainty in their own golden and twilight years. Then you have the family infighting of who is going to do what.
Reading these stories on Aging Care has gotten me triggered because it is a wakeup call to reality. At a certain age, we cannot trash our own lives to save someone else out fear, obligation and guilt.
https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/medical-assistance-dying.html#b11
People can now make a statement that they want MAiD while of sound mind, even if they suffer from dementia in the future.
My Godmother chose MaiD, my uncle is considering it. I know my mother does not want to live if she loses control of either her mind or her body.
I'll leave a note for family. I never want to be a burden to them.
For me, I’d do either a Tijuana trip for animal euthanasia drugs, which are also barbiturates. Or I’d get on hospice and horde however much morphine and Ativan as possible and keep asking for more so I could have a stash.