My 71 year old dad recently had to provide almost full care to my mom when she hurt her back (she has Parkinson’s). They’ve been married 50 years and he never learned to cook meals, load the dishwasher or do laundry. My mom tried to direct him in what to do daily for over a month, and in that timespan he never learned to do any of it on his own or remember where kitchen tools were located. He asked daily where stuff was. He couldn’t even manage to cook a frozen dinner when the instructions said to cut a slit in the top. I was very surprised when my mom told me all of this. My dad is a very private man of few words, which makes it very hard for me to detect cognitive changes when I visit each week.
Would you say this is an early dementia warning sign?
My husband is 61, has a master's degree, and retired a couple of years ago after 36 years in the automotive industry.
The man has no idea how the post office works.
He thinks you guess the weight of a package, slap a few stamps on there, and off it goes. Nope.
He doesn't have dementia, but he hadn't been to a post office in at least 35 years, because that's what I did. He's getting better at it, but he still has no idea how to use one of those touch-screen machines to buy postage and isn't willing to try. Go figure.
Sometimes you really can't teach an old dog new tricks.
Seriously though, have an honest sit down chat with Dad.
Be a slueth.. does he actually WANT to learn how to cook/reheat/open a tin? If so, what are HIS plans to learn these tasks?
Then if he really isn't improving in another week or so, some more investigation may uncover if this is a cognitive issue.
If he does NOT wish to cook.. this may need to be unpacked.
Is this 'women's' work? Does he think Mom should continue even when obvious she cannot. Does he think YOU should step in? (Oh YES plenty of men think this. Daughter = Maid).
What does he understand about Parkinson's? And the word 'progressive'? Is there a level of denial & grief about Mom's diagnosis?
your entire life? Next time you're visiting, maybe ask for his help making lunch. Setting the table or something like that. Just to get an observation first hand. How is moms cognition, any impairment at all?
into other arrangements for them. So sorry.
My Dad was exactly like your Dad. But it was my Mom who wouldn't let any of us touch anything in her kitchen or laundry room. That was HER domain. So when she went into a nursing home, my Dad who was an electrical engineer/inventor couldn't even invent a sandwich. That was my first clue that Dad would benefit from having professional caregivers since Dad was in his 90's.
When I got married, I had no clue how to cook much less work an oven, nor had ever used a washing machine.