I can't tell if my mother has dementia or she's just conning me again. She says she goes down into a state of confusion then comes back. She has personality problems and has always acted wierd. If she has dementia would she be aware of it and be able to report it to me? She is 91, frail, and lives alone.
Those in the earlier stages of dementia may be able to sense that something is not quite right with their memory and recall, but they often try to hide these shortcomings from others or simply chalk it up to old age. As their cognitive abilities decline, they can become entirely incapable of recognizing that they are mentally compromised. This phenomenon is called anosognosia, and people often misconstrue it as a patient consciously refusing to accept their condition. Caregivers can become extremely frustrated by this dementia-related behavior, but it is important to realize that anosognosia and denial are two very different things.
For more information, two of our bloggers have written excellent pieces on dementia and awareness that may be able to help:
With Alzheimer's, Denial Isn't Always What it Seems
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/people-with-alzheimers-may-not-recognize-impairment-161439.htm
Dementia Patients (and Caregivers) Suffer from a Lack of Insight
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/dementia-patients-and-caregivers-suffer-from-a-lack-of-insight-196699.htm
Best of luck to you all.
We live in Texas where Medicaid is worthless. His family lives in PA where you get Medicare and Medicaid if you are disabled . It only made sense to move him back there where I know he will get excellent medical care. His family (they had not seen him in five years and knew little about the state he was in) put him in a nursing home immediately at 58 where he will remain until he dies. The main issue that haunts me every day is whether or not he is aware of what is happening to him. I pray that he does not have a clue. I haven't heard from him in almost five months. I took care of his every need for a decade and now he is in some other land. Prayer is the only thing that has kept me sane - and there were many time my sanity was questionable. Every day is still a struggle for me but I had to finally realize this was something I could NOT fix no matter what approach I took. I just pray everyday that God fills his heart with love and peace. This was the hardest thing I ever went through and no one came out a winner. Acceptance is so hard. Dementia is a cruel way to go through life for everyone involved. I will keep you in my prayers. Take care of yourself. It has to be your priority.
I don't see a reason to tell her. This seems to be the time when validation (going along with her) is the best route. Trying to tell her she has dementia and isn't thinking right will most likely only make her feel terrible when she really can't do anything about it.
Take care,
Carol
However, it's hard to know in what form these supplements were given to study participants. Not all supplements are absorbed well, and they may have used doses that non-scientists wouldn't feel comfortable using.
In the end, if you see no harm from what you've been giving him, you are probably doing okay. If the source is reputable and the amounts not huge, they are unlikely to cause harm. I'm assuming (maybe wrongly) that B12 is part of the mix and many elderly people are low in this vitamin because they don't absorb it well from food.
Take care,
Carol
And then, as you say, Java2012, there are what I call "moments of clarity" with many types of dementia. It's a brief time when they seem to "come back" before fading back into their dementia-destroyed existence.
Please keep checking back!
Carol
To be sure you need a doctor to determine if she has dementia and weather it is Alzheimer's or some other form. Once that determination has been made you will need to make some serious decisions regarding your mother's care. If she has a form of dementia that can be treated, you need to ensure your mother gets that treatment ASAP. It can open many more options than if your mother's condition continues to worsen and you are forced to provide 24/7 care. You do not give enough details to provide any specific tips but here a a few general one's I have learned from my experience:
1. Make sure your mother's finances are in order, that she has a will and a designated POA before her dementia pushes her past the point where she will be allowed to sign any legal documents.
2. If you have siblings, hold a family meeting to decide who will do what when the time comes to pitch in. The technology we have today enables even brothers/sisters living hundreds of miles away to participate in the caregiving process. So insist that everyone help out or you will be the stuckee (if you know what I mean).
3. Keep your mother in the decision loop as long as she is able/willing to participate, but watch out for Roll Reversal. This occurs when you know your mother is making irrational decisions but you do not feel empowered to make those decisions on her behalf because "she is your mother" and you were always taught to obey and respect your parents. At this point you become the Adult and she becomes the Child. You must do what's best for her regardless of how much she resists.
I am her only relative,and i have been at my wits end,according to her,i am a wicked daughter,and only want her money and her house,
no one likes her in the hospital,because she is so nasty.
They want to send her home,but i know she won't cope.
She owns her own house,and i am going to sell it,the proceeds will last about 1 year,as nursing homes for dementia are 600-1000 pw.
I feel the nhs has abandoned her,when you are old,no one cares.
I have never felt so alone,my dad saved all his life,and for what.
I don't want money,i just want her treated as a normal person,if she was a youngster,there would be outrage.
It feels good to put it into words.
I will do thing differently for myself and my husband,i never want my children to go through this.
That's great advice. My heart goes out to you. I'm so glad you are on the site so you know you aren't alone.
Carol
She beleives she is in a room full of people who are "not quite there" her words not mine i may add, and she thinks she is the normal one of them all, and she is going to have blood tests and then she is going home.
We have been informed she is "too far gone" for sheltered accomodation now and if she comes out of hospital it will be straight in to a nursing home, not home to her house as she thinks.
They do have quite clear moments of clarity maggiesue, my mum can recollect stories from way back when, but 2 days ago couldnt remember my name and called me another name (her dead sisters).
I am not sure if they can tell you when they have been in an episode and then back out of it, but if she is aware she has a problem it might help u more to get her treatment, unlike me where my mum is in complete denail and oblivion.
Carol