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Who are you caring for?
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How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
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Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Lildeb, before I found this site last year in June, I was just so angry, bitter and resentful on how father was soooo unappreciative of me. I stayed home to help him care for mom (Alz) when I was 23yrs old. That's like 23 yrs ago. In those years, he complained to everyone on how I was a bad daughter and I didn't do much. I've had relatives and distant in-laws actually Lecture ME to do more...Uhm..my parents has 8 children. I am the one who stayed behind to help father care for mom. And I am the one everyone lectures!!! ME!!! I used to cry a lot when this happened or when father told me straight out that I'm a bad daughter. Of course, I Never Ever cried in front of him. I waited until he's asleep at night and then I cry myself all out. My brother-who-lives-next-door-who-doesn't-help...actually had people come up to him and ask about me because father was complaining about me.
Then, I found this site. If you hop around, you will find over and over how the parents favor the "selfish, or self-centered" siblings who do not help at all. They are so happy when they visit or when they call once a year. They sing their praises on our unworthy siblings, but as for us...we just get the verbal abuse or negativity. So, yep, it is Very common that the elderly is mean to the one taking care of them.
I found out how helpful it is to come here and vent. A lot of times, some posters will see your vents and give you some pointers that helped them in handling the situation. I like that one too.
it isnt uncommon for an ill person to get downright mean. best thing ive found to do is remind them that you have problems too. you should practice your half hinged, maniacal faces in the mirror too. one thing a crazy person is leary of is someone slightly crazier..
my mother sleeps during the daytime and is usually up all night. i lie in bed feeling empathy for the medco pharmacist . hes the only poor sap you can ring up at 3 am. once she told him if the cost of her meds go up she may as well blow her brains out. yup, sheriff beating on the door in a matter of minutes.. wanted to know if she was suicidal. no, shes a drama queen, you should go check up on the medco pharmacist tho..
Hi Bookworm. My Mom is the very same to me. she lashes out at me, but isnice to everyone else. This makes me think she can be nice to me, too, but chooses not to be. she lashes out at my sister, though, too, when she was taking care of her. It's whoever is NOT with her, is the one she wants to be with. No one is doing anything for her - except give up a normal life to take care of her. She lives with me right now, and no matter where she is, she is not happy. This is not a new phenomena. She's never been content, but dementia has exascerbated it. If your Dad was treating you like that 23 years ago, that's not a good sign. We also "teach people who to treat us", and I am learning to tell her that this will NOT work out if you keep treating me badly. She says she doesn't realize it, and thanks me for telling her, but then she repeats over. I am looking for other alternatives for her living arrangements, since if she isn't happy here, she might as well be unhappy somewhere else and let me have a little joy in my life. Good luck.
bookworm join the caregiver's abuse club, it is probably over a thousand members strong here, you are not alone. I used to visit my mother in a nursing home (3) months ago. But she became so malicious and viciously verbally abusive to me that I became afraid of her. I had to drawback. I ask myself was my mother worth peace of mind? I love my mother because she is my mother, but I don't like the woman she has become over the years. She is a stranger to me. I think bookworm the old saying "you do the best you can but sometimes that is not good enough" I understand what you are going through. To bring a defamation of character lawsuit against your father wouldn't have too much of a legal standing in any court room today. I find this site "to be a well of spring water when you are wandering in a desert of dry thirsty lands of elderly care"
That's funny, capn. It would just be my luck that father will call his doctor and say that his daughter is crazy and needs help! Father is currently on the stage of calling everyone on the phone - day or midnight , weekdays or weekends. This is going on for a month now. Just recently, he has become quite a bedridden dictator. Expects me to jump whenever he talks. {rolling my eyes} ....
gsw, if I tell father that, he would get angry and say that I'm disrespectful and then call his siblings and the home care people, etcc about how disrespectful I was. Unfortunately, our culture raised us to respect our elders - no matter what. Even if they're wrong. We must always show respect. Us girls were catering to our older brother. When he got married,we also catered to his wife. We got their plates and put food on it and served it to them. We washed their clothes. Then oldest sis, who fled home at age 18, came back from the states. When she saw what was happening, she blew a gasket. She educated us younger girls on women's lib and that our oldest brother's wife is the one who is suppose to cook for him, serve his food and wash their own clothes. Not us teenage girls. He's our married brother - his wife should be taking care of him. Father has always been like this.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Then, I found this site. If you hop around, you will find over and over how the parents favor the "selfish, or self-centered" siblings who do not help at all. They are so happy when they visit or when they call once a year. They sing their praises on our unworthy siblings, but as for us...we just get the verbal abuse or negativity. So, yep, it is Very common that the elderly is mean to the one taking care of them.
I found out how helpful it is to come here and vent. A lot of times, some posters will see your vents and give you some pointers that helped them in handling the situation. I like that one too.
To bring a defamation of character lawsuit against your father wouldn't have too much of a legal standing in any court room today. I find this site "to be a well of spring water when you are wandering in a desert of dry thirsty lands of elderly care"