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I want my healthy, 90 yr. old mother to go to a doctor and stop and stop insisting I take her to the Emergency room when she has problems. I'm her POA. Should I refuse the next time? Or tell her to call an ambulance? Or... if it is in the daytime I could try taking her to an outpatient clinic. I'm sure she won't get out of the car.

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My father loved going to the ER. They fuss over him and they check on him every 15 minutes. What is not to love? I logged more time in the ER than a medical resident. Finally I just started to refuse to take him because as you said, it was over nothing or something that could have waited until he could see his regular doctor. He knew this so if he had an issue he'd purposely wait until after the doctor's office was closed to call me for help. He called 911 a lot. One time I started getting calls from the hospital at 5am. They called every 15 minutes. After an hour I got up and took a shower because I knew my day was about to be ruined. Turned out they were just calling me to give him a ride home. He finally called a local friend who took him home. I lived 20 miles away so of course it made more sense to call me and make me drive all that way rather than call his friend who lived a mile from the hospital.
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What about Urgent Care Clinics? The ones I've been to have young, handsome doctors, which is a nice perk. :) No waiting, like an ER. Urgent Care doctors will refer you to a specialist if needed, hand you a written referral before you leave, no waiting. Medicare pays.

They check you out better than the Primary doctor does! An ER is for auto accidents, bleeding, broken bones, strokes or heart attacks. Too many sick people in close quarters makes me nervous...

Urgent Care is less crowded, with better personal attention. In and out quick, with Rx or printed referral. Refuse to take her to ER, just drive her to Urgent Care instead. Much less expensive and quicker! Bring her photo ID and Medicare card,
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anonymous1732518 Aug 2023
Second sentence first paragraph, ER can have very caring good looking EMTs, and even police officers 🙂
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My mom would call 911 for a “stopped up nose”. She figured out that if she called 911 that there was no waiting in a waiting room. She was “escorted” straight in and did not have to wait!!! She had no patience waiting for any doctor.
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What have you got to lose by telling her “no, mom, I’m not taking you, call 911 if you feel it’s necessary” while also letting her know you’d be happy to take her to an urgent care place or schedule an appointment with a primary care place. I’ve mostly changed to seeing a nurse practitioner who works under an internist. She has far more time than the doctor and can do most everything the doctor can do. Maybe mom can get the attention she likes in a similar set up. The endless hours the ER takes are misery. I did that way too many times with my dad and learned to hate it
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KaciNC Aug 2023
Agree, I'm going to be tougher on the stituation.
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She does not have dementia. She used the ER all the time when she was younger, twice for Hemrrhoids. I will take her directy to an open clinic next time she does this. If she refuses, I'll just turn around an take her back home. I did make, yet another appointment, for her to actually see a doctor. I know she'll make me cancel it.
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againx100 Aug 2023
Don't cancel it. Just tell that she needs to go and you will be taking her. She can keep complaining. That's ok. Don't argue. Tell her you're going out to lunch or shopping or something - after you go to the doctor.

I like your plan of taking her to a clinic next time. Good for you.
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A lot of people do this, not just the elderly. A lot of times private health insurance covers emergency room visits at 100%. Plus hospitals have to see all patients, whereas private practice doctors can refuse to see additional patients.
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Beatty Aug 2023
This is happening more & more where I live as free ERs exist in public hospitals (yes you read that right, FREE!) yet Doctor visits are not free. Many Medical Clinics have upped their prices to see a Doctor & now charge children, pensions & those on low oncomes too (many had discounted accounts or even free for these groups). I get it. It's all about Govt funding but Doctors need to eat & pay bills too.

It's a shocking waste of resources to tie up triage & emergency staff for what could be delt with in a scheduled appointment.
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She can “insist” until the damn cows come home, but where are your cojones? Put a stop to this nonsense and do some “insisting” of your own! Who is driving this bus, anyway?
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KaciNC Aug 2023
Interesting thought. I may tell her (the next time) no, but I'll take you to an outpatient clinic. PS: I don't have conjones (had to look that up) I'm a gal.
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I would refuse to take her to the ER. Does she HAVE a doctor? If not, get her one. Use a fib of some sort to get her to go. "Medicare/your insurance requires this."
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During one of my own visits to the ER, I asked that question out of curiosity. It wasn't for anyone in particular and I have my own doctors. The ER nurse that I asked said it is very common for people to use the emergency room as primary care.
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I wouldn’t ignore the symptoms. Just because we can’t see something that is wrong doesn’t mean that she doesn’t truly have a health condition.

I distinctly remember my mother saying to me early on a Saturday morning that she didn’t feel right. I took her to the ER and the decision was made by the hospitalist to take her off of BP meds. Her pressure was very low which is bad.

None of her doctors told us that Parkinson’s patients had lower BP. I was grateful to her hospitalist. The meds that she was prescribed before her Parkinson’s diagnosis were no longer needed and were actually causing mom harm.
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