She had a stroke 4 years ago. Not too bad, only impaired her right hand and of course, some part of her brain. She can not drive, I am POA because the surgeon signed the paper for the living will stating she has dementia., can no longer handle her finances. Now, 4 years later, she fell and broke 3 ribs in assisted living. I moved her to a nursing home and this is her final destination.
She wants me to take her out. She insists she can not stay here any longer, etc..... Every visit is about getting her out. I hate this for her but she does need to be where she is. What do you tell dementia people about this type of living situation..that they are in? Do you tell them the truth? Keep redirecting the conversation? I am not sure how to handle this anymore.
Personally I'd say something like "Well, you make sure you eat well and get lots of rest so you can get better, then we can make some plans". Hopefully that will appease her. If not, severely limit your visits - she won't remember whether you were there yesterday, last week or last month. You've done all you can and she is safe and cared for.
I got to the stage that the daily screaming/tantrum phone calls were making me ill so I changed my phone number. The NH has it with STRICT instructions not to give it to her but they call me for every little thing so I take it off the hook overnight. There are skilled staff on duty 24/7 and a hospital 4 km away. Whatever "it" is I'll deal with it tomorrow. She believes that my land line was playing up and as I rarely use it I got rid of it. At this point she believes fibs.
My mother is a life long A1 mean, manipulative and nasty narcissist who's made my life hell since I was a small child so I feel nothing for her and no guilt after selling my lovely home and quitting my career to care for her for 4 years of pure h***. Her shenanigans over the years caused me to have such stress that I recently had a small stroke TIA or "funny turn", whatever you want to call it. My mother has had many strokes and her mother and sister died from stroke. It was a wake up call indeed. It was either me or her.
I visit every so often, bearing chocolates, cookies, and other treats she craves, when I can stomach it and know I have a clear next day to sleep and get over it. I pay her bills and ensure she has all she needs but she's not sending me to an early grave!
As I say, you need to know how your loved one's memory works, but it can save a lot of heartache just give them a plausible excuse.
studies are ongoing in the field of phsylocybin mushrooms for comfort for the dying. i guess the rationale is if theyre going to trip,make the trip pleasant.
( prob'ly colorful too.. ) im thinking pink floyd on headphones..
Just think of how different the NHs will be when we are older? or maybe they will just kill us off as "no longer able to function in society" and save the government a fortune! Who knows?
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