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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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They need to be educated in the facts and made to understand that it isn't their "failure," but it's the disease process, and that most people get to a place where a very fragile elder - especially one with dementia - needs more care than one person can give. The main thing is to keep assuring the person that it's not failure to get help. In many cases it's the right, most safe thing to do for the elder. Stress that they still will be a caregiver and an important part of the team.
Good luck with this. You are smart and experienced. Keep us posted. Carol
I would first question the intent of the son or daughter who wanted to put his aging father in a nursing home because he cannot care for him at home any longer.
Nursing homes ( and I know this from experience) are not very pleasant living quarters. The staff is at best minimalist in care , although they look "busy". The real reason you would want your father in a nursing home is to relieve you of the burden of care. One of the most important facts that is rarely discussed is the fact that an average "stay" in a nursing home is eighteen months. What do you thinki happens after that? It's usually hospice/and or death. If you love your parent and you want them around with you, I would try to find any and all help that you can to keep your father at home in the safety and loving envirronment of your own home surrounded by loved ones.
We've all had different experiences, so we come at things from different angles. I know there are way too many nursing homes that aren't good. But there are many that are excellent.
That's where doing your homework comes in. I had five elders at one time to care for, with four dementias and heavy bodies that needed lifting, plus complicated medication. There would have been no way for me to care for five elders in my home (with two children, besides). I went from home to home while they were able to stay in their own homes, got in-home help and eventually nursing home help in an excellent home only three blocks from my house. I was there everyday for all of them. I took them to their doctor appointments and did everything I could do for them to make it like home. My mother-in-law did so much better at Rosewood than in her own apartment that it was amazing (she felt safe).
I'd never say that people only put someone in a nursing home for themselves. Some do, of course. But, often, it is the only safe alternative. It's the quality of the nursing home is what counts. Plus, the person who does share the care with a nursing home must be on top of things all the time, involved, and do everything possible to make it as much like home as possible.
Are nursing homes the perfect solution? No. It would be nice if that were not ever needed. But it be nice if hospitals weren't necessary, as well. However, they are.
My dad lived ten years at Rosewood, much beloved by staff. There was no way, after his failed brain surgery, we could have cared for him any other way. He died at peace, naturally, with his family.
There are horror stories about nursing homes. These places need to be shut down, or sold to people who will run them properly. There are far too many mediocre ones, as well. But there are many that are good. We can't pain them all with the same brush.
Again, it's about personal experience. We can't judge others when we don't know all of the facts. Getting the best care for the elder is what should be the main goal. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. But, in my experience, generally people do want that. And they often find they can't give the best care themselves. Hooray for those who can make it work at home, but not everyone can.
N1K2R3, Carol is right. We don't judge. Some people have the grace to care for others, some can't physically continue to care, and there are those who simply know their limitations and don't have their loved ones in their homes. There are many good facilities. Would we all want to stay at home, sure. But sometimes it isn't possible. My mother in law needed constant care, her daughter had to work, and after 10 years in AL, had to go to a nursing home . They took good care of her and she died in her sleep. My mom is with me, but I know to never say never. There may come a time when she needs to go to a nursing home and get the care she might need. Don't make the promise of never sending your loved one to a home. It may not be a promise that you can keep. God Bless. Linda
I guess I would start off by asking them to read all of the posts on Agingcare.com before attempting to explain. Even then, unless they are actively participating in the physical and emotional parts of careging, they may not understand no matter how much you try to explain as long as it is abstract and they have not "been there - done that". So I would also offer to have them drop everything they are doing for a week, and swap lives with the caregiver.
That said, if they do not understand after you have given them many reasons one day they will find out first hand themselves. Remember when they were little & you said wait till you have kids?
Hang in there and take care - don't be bullied. You have handled so much as a caregiver that you deserve respect for your opinion. So if the understanding isn't there ask them to read everything on this site & keep on truckin'
For some reason my long post did not go through-I have decided that I can no longer be his main caregiver-my husband and can not afford privete help- I may have to spend down it is a slow process and have a appointment with social services and have an elder lawyer and the social worker is helping -it is my son who does not agree with my decsion even though a few weeks ago he had asked me if his Dad had to be placed would I move him closer to our homes and I do plan on that after all is said and done-I can not do it now because the social worker has spent so much time and energy helping us and was very kind to me when I lost it last week and got a lot of info for me- once he is on medicaide then I will try to get him in the one he use to go to plus my husband has caused some problems and the social worker has had to talk to him and the staff a lot-I will not get involved in his problems because he has trouble with the truth but I am going over with our grandaughter on Sun and take a cake for Fathers Day and once things are settled I will make sure he gets good care and make things as good for him as possible.
My mother can do nothing for herself. My husband and I, two caregivers that work 50 hours a week, are the only people to take care of her. She refuses to live with us. She wants to stay home. She cannot walk, needs help to move from bed to lift chair, she is bathed, diaper changed, dressed, and food carried to her bed. We give her medicine which half the time she hides if we don't watch her closely. She has moderate to severe Alzhiemers, no short term memory, some past memory. She is agitated by any small change and still wants to issue orders though not sensible. We are exhausted and when her money runs out we don't know what we will do. She called the sheriff's department to keep us from bringing her across the road to our house. She has NO memory of doing that. We have no life, retired and can barely make our doctors appointments. We rotate every day.
Lastdaughter-she is killing the two of you-my MIL was that way and I kept harping on the husband until he took her to her doc then she went into the hospital and then into a nursing home she did have some money which she had to pay down then the N.H. got all the info that I am going crazy getting with no problem-you are not responsible for her expenses get her doc to have her in his or her office by herself for 5 min and tell him she lives alone and if he wants her to go home he has to put it in writing that she can take care of herself or get her admitted and let the social workers deal with and she will br placed since she has no assests it will be done before you can turn around. Do you know 60% of caregivers die before their charges do if you two become disabled she will be placrd so fast and they will get the paperwork done real fast because they want to be paid their $400.00 dollars a day. She can not be allowed to dictate to others she knows what she is doing-I would tell my husband her care in up to him totally and see how fast he changes him mind. I and my grandaughter went to see the husband and I had to feed him his cake and he started his spells acting unresponsive again and I just waited then he yelled I want more cake if the nurses had seen it he would have been on his way to the hospital again, I knew it was mostly an act now I know I can not take him home. You must get her behaivor stopped or she will kill you both. If she can find the phone number of the sheriff she can understand that she can not stay home=let her use her money for her care that is what it is for-the rainy day is here. It is so different with a spouse-medicaide is draining me dry then he asked me to take his watch to a jewler to get a new expansion band for his watch-right I am eating baked beans and he is getting a $100 watch band that is not going to happen. Please do not take this ---- another day it is unexceptable and this is from someone who has been done that
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Good luck with this. You are smart and experienced. Keep us posted.
Carol
Nursing homes ( and I know this from experience) are not very pleasant living quarters. The staff is at best minimalist in care , although they look "busy".
The real reason you would want your father in a nursing home is to relieve you of the burden of care. One of the most important facts that is rarely discussed is the fact that an average "stay" in a nursing home is eighteen months. What do you thinki happens after that? It's usually hospice/and or death. If you love your parent and you want them around with you, I would try to find any and all help that you can to keep your father at home in the safety and loving envirronment of your own home surrounded by loved ones.
That's where doing your homework comes in. I had five elders at one time to care for, with four dementias and heavy bodies that needed lifting, plus complicated medication. There would have been no way for me to care for five elders in my home (with two children, besides). I went from home to home while they were able to stay in their own homes, got in-home help and eventually nursing home help in an excellent home only three blocks from my house. I was there everyday for all of them. I took them to their doctor appointments and did everything I could do for them to make it like home. My mother-in-law did so much better at Rosewood than in her own apartment that it was amazing (she felt safe).
I'd never say that people only put someone in a nursing home for themselves. Some do, of course. But, often, it is the only safe alternative. It's the quality of the nursing home is what counts. Plus, the person who does share the care with a nursing home must be on top of things all the time, involved, and do everything possible to make it as much like home as possible.
Are nursing homes the perfect solution? No. It would be nice if that were not ever needed. But it be nice if hospitals weren't necessary, as well. However, they are.
My dad lived ten years at Rosewood, much beloved by staff. There was no way, after his failed brain surgery, we could have cared for him any other way. He died at peace, naturally, with his family.
There are horror stories about nursing homes. These places need to be shut down, or sold to people who will run them properly. There are far too many mediocre ones, as well. But there are many that are good. We can't pain them all with the same brush.
Again, it's about personal experience. We can't judge others when we don't know all of the facts. Getting the best care for the elder is what should be the main goal. Unfortunately, that isn't always the case. But, in my experience, generally people do want that. And they often find they can't give the best care themselves. Hooray for those who can make it work at home, but not everyone can.
Carol
Carol is right. We don't judge. Some people have the grace to care for others, some can't physically continue to care, and there are those who simply know their limitations and don't have their loved ones in their homes. There are many good facilities. Would we all want to stay at home, sure. But sometimes it isn't possible. My mother in law needed constant care, her daughter had to work, and after 10 years in AL, had to go to a nursing home . They took good care of her and she died in her sleep. My mom is with me, but I know to never say never. There may come a time when she needs to go to a nursing home and get the care she might need. Don't make the promise of never sending your loved one to a home. It may not be a promise that you can keep. God Bless.
Linda
I guess I would start off by asking them to read all of the posts on Agingcare.com before attempting to explain. Even then, unless they are actively participating in the physical and emotional parts of careging, they may not understand no matter how much you try to explain as long as it is abstract and they have not "been there - done that". So I would also offer to have them drop everything they are doing for a week, and swap lives with the caregiver.
That said, if they do not understand after you have given them many reasons one day they will find out first hand themselves. Remember when they were little & you said wait till you have kids?
Hang in there and take care - don't be bullied. You have handled so much as a caregiver that you deserve respect for your opinion. So if the understanding isn't there ask them to read everything on this site & keep on truckin'