I don't know where to begin. You'd think that I'd be happy, but no, I'm at a loss for words.... I came to the conclusion that mom needs to stay in the nursing home. Well, people in the family, family friends, people I've known my whole life, telling me that if you ever needed anything to give them a call. Well after mom went back into the nursing home, I started to reach out to people in the family, family friends. At first they sounded concerned but after the first phone call, slowly, they all backed away from me . The very people telling me and mom, " if you ever need anything, to give us a call." Like really?
Seems like the only people that seem concerned about mom and me, are at the nursing home. Told high school friends, well now that everything is getting finalized, they're looking at me going, "why are you so upset, your mom gets the care she needs, you get what you want." Like really??? I took care of mom for 7-10 years, lived with her my whole life, that's all I know, is me and mom. I know it sounds pathetic, but its just a lot to take in and handle for one person...
Yes I'm glad that mom is safe, but I feel all alone in all this, in how to handle all this crap, I've never been on my own before. Pathetic... since I'm 27. With all the family drama from years ago, money, crap, mom leaving everything to me, her telling everyone in the family years ago, now, guess what, looking back, that basically causes almost all of them to not want to help me. I never thought I'd have to put mom in a nursing home. I feel so guilty, horrible. I know I tried my best to care for mom all by myself. It's just alot. Then at the nursing home, getting everything finalized, they're all looking at me, going, "you can make it without your mom... " ect. Really??? It's going to take me a while to adjust to life without her, without taking care of her 24/7, that's all I know. It's almost like no one gives you time to really process it all, of what's happening. Like you have to step back, and give yourself time to process it all. I'm realizing how alone I really am now. I feel like I can't trust anyone. Some friends telling me to take her home, others saying to leave her in there, others making the comment, "well she's your mom." What does her being my mom have to do with it? The fact is, I physically, emotionally, mentally can't take care of mom all on my own, 24/7 anymore... I'm just in shock! People that I thought would be there for me or mom, are disappearing faster then I could ever imagine. Yes I know I'm 27, an adult, but I don't know hardly anyone my AGE that is going through any of this! I feel lost! I never prayed to GOD, but lately I feel like I don't have a choice. If there's anyone that has gone through putting there loved one in a nursing home, how do you cope, grieve, how do you deal with it all... ? Thanks for listening...
I think that getting out, going to school and staying busy will help you. Education can open doors to your future. Staying busy with work and school will help take your mind off what you had to do. Being in school and working will also help you meet new people. Try not to focus on mom when interfacing with old family and friends, both new and old. Sure, it helps to have someone to talk to about it, but you'll have to find those special people who can handle it, For those who seem to have shut you out, try to reach out again, but in a casual way - maybe ask them to meet you for a bite to eat or coffee, and keep the conversation away from mom.
It is hard to "give in", but sometimes it is best for all! You can still visit her, take her little gifts or treats? For now it is new and raw. It may always be a little painful, but given time it should become more bearable.
Hopefully you can find a different job - having to go through the death process over and over is not for everyone. Some people can handle it, the rest of us cannot, especially when it happens too often! Maybe it can work for you later, if you choose to return to being a CNA, but it might be better to avoid that for now. You are young, and vulnerable, so it would be best not to expose yourself to that, at least for a while.
Do take care of yourself! When you get up in the morning, take some pleasure in the sunshine, birds singing, gentle breeze. If it is raining, remember that rain supports and brings forth new life!
It's going to be hard and it is hard. Listen to your heart, you've made the decisions all your life, then screw everybody else. If Mom left everything to you, she knew what she was doing, she just didn't mean to place you between a rock and a hard place.
See if you can b e POA for Mom, You seem to be the Only One, Hun, Who gives a Hoot. God Bless and just Continue to Visit her, make sure sh is Good, Take Care, God is There...
Don't beat yourself up. Even us older family members learn as we go and that's with everything from our beginnings with taking care of parents (or others), the challenges, and the end.
We are beat up, scarred, tired, exhausted, angry,sad, etc, then we pick ourselves up again. This is done over and over again through this whole ordeal.
We are the unspoken "heroes". We are the ones who may never get the praise or support and understanding that we need but we continue doing it anyway. "WE DO ALL WE CAN".
You, sweet girl, are part of this special group.
Yep, it's not easy. If you have your Mother at home or you have them taken care of somewhere, there is always paperwork and other things that need to be done. I don't know where you live but you should contact some agency for agency or see if the nursing home can help you with all that. Her doctor may be able to help with a referral.
Your Mom was a big part of your daily life. Her, your daily routine, all that has changed. It's not any different than if she past on. You need to give yourself a chance to grieve all of that.
Give yourself time to get your life together at home, your obligations with your mom, then go make a new life for yourself.
Make time to visit Mom but go do things for you. If you aren't ready for a job, do volunteer work, join a gym, take in a movie, read a book, visit a park or library. If you have the resources, go buy yourself something that will cheer you up. Later, you may consider getting more education. You deserve it.
I, like others, will be cheering you on. YOU GOT THIS!
Don't waste your time about what others should be doing or what they say...it'll make you crazy. We can't change them.
If this rings any bells with you, there are a couple of suggestions. First, join something completely different, and don’t talk to the people there about where you are coming from. Make it something new to think about. Second, find again the people who you miss, and talk to them about the new things you are doing, not about the problems. Get their help to change, not to sympathise.
This takes a lot of energy, which you may not have right now. But you do want things to get better. And a small bonus is that it will give you some cheerful things to talk to your mother about when you visit.