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Hello, this is my first post. After researching constantly for the past 2 weeks, I found this site. My dad went to the ER 3 months ago and got diagnosed with congestive heart failure and kidney failure, after being there for a month he got sent home and told to follow up with his cardiologist for more testing... due to COVID, the doctor didn't want him to come in yet because of his state and age, it wasn't safe. I believe he's starting to get symptoms of dementia. In the past 2 weeks, he's had rapid memory loss/extreme confusion (forgets to take meds, eat, drink water, basically forgets to do everything), it takes him about a minute to vocally answer any questions or responses. He has edema in his feet (they are worse than they were in the hospital for congestive heart failure, which is not good at all. He can't seem to get his balance (seems like he's leaning back to balance himself out, walking is not easy). Everytime his phone rings, he thinks it's his alarm going off and doesn't know how to answer the call. He refuses to believe anything is wrong and absolutely refuses to go to the hospital. He has diabetes and his BS levels are normally 180 or so and in the past 5 days, they have dropped down to 110's, which has never really happened to him before. I'm 23 and the only one in the surrounding states that can be with him so I'm scared of making him mad and him resenting me because he needs help. I'm looking into an emergency petition for medical help but that seems very complicated. Does anyone have an advice/leads/experience?

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Cactigal, you are so young to be dealing with this, I’m sorry. I think the first thing to do would be to call your father’s doctor and report the changes you see. Even if they can’t directly talk to you about him because of HIPPA laws, you can provide them this new and valuable information to them. If they think he should be seen, they could call to check up on him and perhaps coming from the doctor, he’d be more likely to comply. Good luck.
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Cactigal Jun 2020
Thank you for your response, I did exactly this and his doctor should be calling to do a check up call. Here's to hoping he actually answers... he has been forgetting how to answer the phone.
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Sounds like your father has a lot of issues going on right now, of which you are really not qualified to deal with, especially at your young age. It would be a lot for anyone at any age, so bless you for at least trying to get things in some kind of order for him. That tells me that you love your father and want only the best for him.
I know you say that his Dr doesn't want him coming in right now because of that virus, but his Dr really needs to know what has been going on with him. Perhaps you can contact his Dr (via the patient portal) and share what has all been going on. His Dr could then perhaps set up an appt. at a Memory Center where your father could be tested for his memory issues. It makes me wonder if all of his other underlining issues are to contributing to his memory demise. These are all things you will need to get answers to.
Please make sure he is keeping his feet raised above his heart when he is sitting or lying down, to try to keep his edema at bay. Does his Dr have him on any kind of a water pill (lasix) for this issue? Also make sure he drinking plenty of water/fluids, as being dehydrated can cause confusion and a whole lot more issues as well, and since you said that he is pretty much forgetting to do the basics, I would actually probably start there.
It sounds like you really have your hands full, and that for now you are going to have to be the "parent" with your father. Do whatever you need to do. You don't want to have any regrets later. You are stronger than you know, and as all of us caregivers on this forum will tell you, we learn as we go, and we're here for you any time. Praying for God's wisdom and discernment for you in the days, weeks, and months ahead.
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Cactigal Jun 2020
Thank you for your kind words, I never expected to have to do this alone at such a young age but all I can do is my best for him! The doctors never prescribed him any water pill after he got out of the hospital for the edema, which I didn't know until last week, seems weird that they didn't. I has been forgetting to drink water but I've been marking all of his cups to see how much hes drinking and he's getting slowly starting to, I've been putting some him some pedialyte in his water to help hydrate a little more. I got in touch with his doctor today finally, so she will be calling to do a "check up call" and hopefully get him in soon.
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I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, especially at your young age. Look up Area Agency on Aging in your county. Tell them the situation and everything you told us here and see if someone can come and do an assessment of his needs. Prayers going up for you and your dad.
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Cactigal Jun 2020
Thank you, I haven't heard about that yet. I will definitely try this!
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Your fathers illnesses could cause the symtoms you describe. You have too things going on here, the heart not strong enough to pump the blood thru the body so no oxygen and kidney failure where the kidneys are not able to filter out the toxins. These toxins build up and cause Dementia symptoms as does lack of oxygen. You need to call his doctor.
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Cactigal Jun 2020
Thank you! Luckily I found who his doctor is and called since he wouldnt tell me lol.
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Have you consulted with an attorney about it? Getting help for him, when he is resisting can be challenging, but, sometimes, you may need to go through legal process. I'd at least get a consult with an Elder Law attorney, so they can explain your options and what is involved. Most attorneys are providing consults by phone and/or internet.

Any change in mental status should be reported to his doctor. Can you get him enrolled with the online portal at his doctor's website? If so, you can send info to them, plus, call and stress your concern. They may need to rule out things like UTI, decline in kidney function, medication reaction or something else. And, if it is dementia, figure out how you're going to continue providing care in the home, if that's your plan.

When seniors are resistant to care, refuse reasonable measures of treatment for their healthcare, etc. they aren't thinking clearly. Keeping people from becoming upset might not be possible. I'd start exploring options for his care, because it might be much more than you had anticipated if his mental and physical health are declining substantially.
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Any progress with Doctor appointment?

Any severe symptom like chest pain, redness with that adema swelling, blue fingers/lips or your gut instinct that something is very wrong - call emergency service. They can advice you over the phone. Also if Dad falls, call them.

You don't have to face this alone - get professional help.

He may need to be medically assessed again very soon.
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Ask your MD about POA, DMPOA, and Living Will paperwork. He should have forms in his office that you can fill out with your Dad so that you have the right to speak about him to MD offices, pharmacies, etc. Without this, it will be difficult for you to act on his behalf if he can no longer function or becomes too forgetful.
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"Thank you for your response, I did exactly this and his doctor should be calling to do a check up call. Here's to hoping he actually answers... he has been forgetting how to answer the phone."

A little concerned about this post. He doesn't sound capable of answering the phone and certainly is not going to be capable of responding to any questions from the doctor. Is there any way you can be there for when the doctor calls? Even if you do not have POA, you CAN provide input during the call. No one should rely on your father taking/responding to this call! If you are there for the call, and IF your dad can understand enough and give permission to the doctor over the phone to allow him to discuss with you, that would be helpful.
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Cactigal Jun 2020
Thank you for your reply! The doctor called last week and he answered and she told him he has to go to the emergency room, he immediately called me and he's now been in care for a week now. He seems to listen to anything the doctor says, which worked out!
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