We live in PNW and my Father-in-law and sister in law and her husband live in another state. We have been visiting him there since 2003. In 2013 his third wife died and he had to move out of that house. My husbands oldest sister had been laid off and she self reported "Dad had been financially helping her." She said they would get a house and she would care for him. She moved him o this house( which he bought sight unseen) not Ada accessible and heis a below knee amputee. She also had the will changed for her to have full POA and executorship. We have bee visiting there two to three times a year for the last 3 years and have seen his personality change dramatically. He what's been withdrawn, complaining and somber sleeping a lot. He would complain about "supporting Everyone" and we would ask him for specifics which were vague. In August he came here for the month and he told u/ that he had put $100,000 down on the $500,000 house they are all living in and he pays the mortgage. He also told us the my husbands sister had tried to get him to cash in his retirement accounts and told him he should be paying her for taking care of him, in addition to him finishing the $500 lease payments on her BMW and then him giving her his car. She and her husband also wanted him to buy them another house in Arizona so that they could live closer to her grabdbaby and then garner a rental income for themselves. Even though when they were confronted by this they said it was for Dad to have an income(it is not him who needs an income at this point). We reported everything to their state APS. My father-in-law totally turned on us unfortunately and said we put words in his mouth and that he never said all of this( how would we have known without his report? We wouldn't have). He never calls us anymore and communication is pretty closed. He is very guarded but told my husband he wants us to come and visit him soon. We recently found out that my sisters law got Veterans support approved for him and Dad is paying her $1500 a month and then she pays him 1/3 of the house payment out of that, she said this to my husband and said that the house they are in is hers. A breech of trust has hugely been broken is there something we can do to get oversight for him financially( by a case manager and also get some help and counseling for his very confusing behavior? We have no desire to take him into our home or assume this responsibility however if he asked us to and it was deemed necessary we would do it in a heartbeat. We just want him protected
It would not be the least bit unusual for a parent to financially rain on the people taking care of him. He needs them. He knows it. He's grateful.
Then, after you've talked wtih APS, tell him you would like him to stay with you (if the report from APS warrants it). Like tw1129 said, he could be vulnerable to his current caregivers and feel he has to protect them to protect himself.
If there really isn't any abuse, then just try to make up and help make his life easier.
If there is abuse, then report it and contact lawyers if necessary. But don't expect him to foot the bill. If your child was in danger and didn't understand it, would you make your child pay you to rescue him? Hardly! Keep it clear that you're not going to do the same thing that you think your sister in law is doing.
If there happens to be a situation of financial abuse, hopefully the person being financially abused will know enough to tell the bank so that the bank and take appropriate actions. Sometimes a person may claim there's financial abuse when really there's not. This can actually happen if the person happens to have dementia. Dementia can be very hard to recognize if you've never dealt with it before, Especially if you happen to be close to that person. Sometimes the closer you are to someone, the harder something can be to spot and recognize for anyone who's never dealt with it. No matter the case, telling the APS of any suspicions is the only recourse of action that you have to spark an investigation to see if there really is abuse going on. If there is, the APS can take proper action. What can end up happening is that the APS can somehow manage to get the carries into the hands of a court. If this happens, a guardian may very well be assigned to that principle. If that guardian happens to also be a big shot lawyer, you can just about that but they hold all power of decision-making on behalf of the principal. That guardian may very well cut off all visitation if they deem necessary for reasons unknown to you, even if you've done nothing wrong. I've seen this happen, so I know exactly what I'm talking about. When your contacts Aps, be prepared for things to take a sudden change, even if nothing is in your favor.