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Hello. I will try to keep this short. My father got sick 1 1/2 years ago with colon cancer. I moved him into my house and got him through his chemo treatments. He has no money saved and very little from social security. He does not clean up after himself, does not bathe, will not wash his hands. He is in diapers and will not use the restroom. We are at the point of wanting our home and life back and want him to move. I plan on having a discussion soon with him. My question is am I now responsible for him financially? I have no othet relatives that want to help. How does he get into a care facility with no money? Am I a bad person for wanting to start planning my retirement, my wife and I have worked very hard. Any input would be great. I am new to this site and will start to read the forum as I am sure this situation is nothing new.

Welcome to the forum, Mike

I am sorry that your dad has struggled with cancer. I hope that he is recovering well.

These situations are hard for everyone. Yes, it’s tremendously difficult for cancer patients, but it is also hard for the caregivers.

Of course, you and your wife deserve to have your life and home back. I am glad that you will be speaking to your dad soon.

Have you contacted Council on Aging in your area? If not, start there. They will do a needs assessment on your dad.

Make certain that you tell them that you and your wife will no longer be able to care for him due to planning for your own retirement.

They can guide you through this process.

Wishing you and your family all the best.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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The behaviors you described seem very much like dementia. Have you considered this possibility? Does he have a diagnosis? Sometimes chemo causes cognitive problems for older people and they never return to normal. I would make an appointment with his primary doctor and ask for a cognitive test. Then you'll know if "having a discussion" with him will be fruitful or not.

You can call social services for your county and discuss 3rd person guardianship appointed by a judge. This is assuming no one is currently his PoA.

No, you're not a bad person for wanting your lives back. You've done yeoman's work to this point helping him. Bless you for that.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Call your County Area of Aging . Have a social worker come to help you navigate the process to get Dad on Medicaid and in a facility . The social worker can also be there with you to tell Dad that you can no longer provide the care that he needs in your home .

No you are not a bad person . You did not make your father old or ill . This does not mean your retirement life has to be put on hold .
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Reply to waytomisery
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You are not a bad person for wanting your life back. You have gone above and beyond with caring for your father for the last year and a half.
The fact that your father doesn't have much money does not now make you responsible for him financially.
That is what Medicaid is for. So get the ball rolling on that, and get help from your local Area Agency on Aging in finding him the appropriate facility for him to be placed in.
It does sound like he has some mental decline/dementia going on, and that never gets better, only worse, so get your/his ducks in a row now.
Best wishes in getting this all figured out.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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