My mother is 89, still lives independently and does pretty well. She is not 100% stable on her feet and has now developed a logical fear of getting in the shower. There are appropriate grab bars and no slip strips on the tub surface.
As her son I find myself very uncomfortable assisting with “personal care” issues. Helping her bathe is something I refuse to do, for both of our dignity.
My question is; baring something prohibitive like changing her tub to a walk-in shower, does anyone have a suggestion of what I can to to make her feel more comfortable?
Elder Helpline
Accesses a qualified Information and Referral specialist who can provide information about services available for elders and their caregivers within the local community
954-745-9779
They should be able to advise you on finding support with personal care for your mother.
before bed time. I too felt the same as You as I did not feel it would be fair of me to invade Mom's dignity so I asked a retired Nurse to call for three, four hours one day every week, and She did which worked handsomely. Mother had an en-suite bathroom off Her ground floor bedroom. I fitted a folding shower chair onto the shower wall for Mom, so She could sit while being showered. Hand rails galore, and lots of towels so Your Mom does not slip when coming out of the shower, also place a towel upon the toilet seat so Your Mom can sit while being dried. The refusal of Our Elders not wishing to shower stems from the fear of falling. You are a good Son to Your Dear Mother and We wish the very best for You Both.
Also, the grab bars are slippery is hands are wet. My mom likes wash dry cloths handy to grab the bar with when exiting the shower.
If that doesn’t work then you may need to call Council on Aging to have an assessment done. They contract out with a caregiver company and will send someone out a couple of times a month for four hour shifts. That is what we had anyway. You could hire someone for the alternate weeks.
They will help bathe, tidy up her room, prepare a light meal, sit with her as a companion to play cards, put a puzzle together, etc.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
Due to her modesty (one g for me too) she wears her bra in the shower and swim skirt with the crotch cut out so she can properly clean herself . A nice beach robe with short sleeves follow the shower and all is good. Can easily take off bra and swim skirt and not reveal anything.
If it is a tub then a shower bench or chair will make her feel more stable.
If it is a walk in shower a chair or bench will also work but with the bench there is no back so there is the possibility of leaning so far back that she could go over.
Some benches may have backs that can be put on so look for that as an option.
In the walk in shower my Husband used I bought walkers at the local resale shop and he would stand with his hands on the walk er for more stability. There were grab bars but he did not seem to use them as much until we started using a shower wheelchair. Then he would hold the grab bar and he would use it to hang the washcloth I would give him to use.
A few things about the walk in tubs.
They are expensive going all the way to super expensive.
You have to sit in the tub while it is filling and then sit there until it drains. I am guessing it could take a while to do both so you sit there wet and chilly while it drains.
If you are going to make any change I would make a tub shower into a walk in shower with NO threshold and if you have a walk in shower spend the money to make that one a walk in with no threshold to step over. I think they call them Zero Entry Shower or Curbless Shower. Money well worth spending.