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Kids moved 85 year old Mom with beginning memory loss from independent living two years ago to assisted living. She had a hard time adjusting, but eventually did and is doing OK. We'll be moving her, now 87, to memory care late June, to another community and another move. She understands why she must move, seems to be OK with living in a different space, but is fearful of "getting used to new things all over again". This part really upsets her. Us kids will keep everything as familiar as possible, of course. Any other input would be graciously accepted. Thanks

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Wow, she understands and expresses her feelings to you. This is wonderful and oh so rare. I think that you cannot prevent these fears and it is VERY HEALTHY that she feels them, understands her feelings and feels free to express them to you. I think it is important that you reassure her that there will always be someone there for her to report her worries to, and that you can always be reached if there is a problem, and that you will be there for her, following up.
Tell her she has lived a good long life and there were times she faced new things and that is ALWAYS HARD and you just have to kind of "brave your way through", knowing that you will be there for her.

Not a lot else you can do. Don't take on the "having to make it happy" or "having to make it all right". That isn't possible. This is another change and another challenge and and another loss and that's tough stuff at any age.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Below is a link to a pdf download from the Alzheimer's association about how to transition a loved one into Memory Care Assisted Living. Have a look:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.alz.org/media/cacentral/documents/professional-care-22-successful-move-to-dementia-care.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwjLzrDD7oWGAxVwADQIHeNoDUYQFnoECA8QBg&usg=AOvVaw0f7K5HM3ofRjBWjjxNXyVo

My mother lived in regular AL for 5 years before she was hospitalized for pneumonia and went into a wheelchair. That loss of mobility combined with worsening dementia required a move into their Memory Care building across the parking lot. Mom was cognizant enough to be told why she was moving, but she suffered from anosognosia.....the inability to recognize that she had dementia. So I had to hedge around using the words Memory Care when telling her about the beautiful new building across the parking lot. She was okay with it, at least for the first week when she was the new kid on the block and all the attention was on her. Then she decided everyone was "stupid and morons" and yada yada. She was always ornery so I didn't expect the honeymoon period to last anyway.

I had mom's new suite all set up for her with her decor from AL so when she came in she felt at home immediately. She had her good days and bad days as her dementia advanced, but she was well cared for and kept busy every single day. She died at 95, comfortably with hospice on board. The line in and out of her suite with caregivers and nurses paying their respects was mind boggling.

Wishing you the best of luck with all of this.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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NeedHelpWithMom May 27, 2024
This is good advice. You knew your mother’s condition and what she could and couldn’t process. You adapted accordingly.

People deal with similar issues when they decide to transition their parents into hospice care. Some parents are hesitant to receive hospice due to various reasons.
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Great that you can communicate with her we were unable to hold a conversation with our step-mother when we moved her from AL to MC.

I took her out to lunch my brother and friends moved her while we were gone, she just walked in the new room and sat down, seemed not to know that we moved her. Basically did the same thing we had to move her from one facility to another due to financial constraints, same basic response from her.

Don't overdo the rah, rah stuff, keep it simple would be my advice.

Good Luck!
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Reply to MeDolly
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I agree with MeDolly. I would make this as ‘matter of fact’ as I possibly could.

Others have a way of picking up on our anxiety and will feed off of it. Remain calm and go ahead with doing whatever is necessary to make sure that your mom receives the best care.
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