Getting a part-time job or not, thoughts?

How can you even question this. of course, YOU are entitled to do something that will relieve this burden on you and will help you take care of YOU. She is being cared for and I am sure you will find other times to visit your mother. You do NOT owe yourself any guilt. You have done plenty. Remember, she lived her life and this is YOUR time. You must think of YOU F I R S T. It may be hard for a short period of time but I assure you if she sees you, even if it is at different times, she will adjust. Do NOW what will make you have a life and be happier.

RaesAuntieP mentioned Bite Squad, another place you might check out is Insta Cart. they deliver from grocery stores. Where I live, people either go on line or call the store, someone, I am not sure if it is the clerks or not, get the food together and Insta Cart delivers it. I understand if you need to, they will also put it in the cupboard for you. There are lots of places you can go to for part time work. Would your mother need to use this service?

If you don't need the money, consider volunteering. I volunteer with the Sheriff's Department. I don't have a set schedule, although I could if I wanted to. There are a lot of things I can do and all of it is important. You would have to pass a background check, but that is probably not difficult for you. Since your husband has gone back to work, I assume he works for the Feds in some capacity. I am happy for him. I retired from the Forest Service and they use volunteers too.

Maybe if your mother got involved in the activities where she lived, she wouldn't feel so lonely and not need your attention so much. Some Assisted Living places have buses that go to say Walmart once a week. Check into those things and perhaps go with her a time or two until she gets used to it. My daughter did that with her dad.

Happy job hunting.

Yes, most certainly DO apply for a part-time job! You need your own work life and, in essence, identity. You seem like you've lost yourself; gain it back by working and you'll feel better as a result.

Oh my yes... get a part time job. It will save your sanity. I push the "routine" appointments for my mom to the caregiver because I do work full time and it just drains me to take her after I get off. I would lose my mind if I had to be home with her all day.

Get a part time job.
It will save you mentally and emotionally.
If possible look for one that you might be able to transition into full time if that is what you think you might like. Advantage there is health insurance if you need it.
If you do not NEED the money volunteer. Same satisfaction and you still get the "work family" feeling and it also can same you mentally and emotionally.
You might even want to look into taking a Certificate Course at the local college. Something like a CNA, you are doing the same stuff now may as well get paid to do it. And if you work for an agency you can set the hours you want to work and when you want to work. And you already have "hands on, real life" experience. (I thought that that was something that I would like but after my Husband died it was just to close, to raw of an emotional thing for me but I still volunteer at the Hospice doing mostly office work and baking, no real hands on patients)

Get the part time job. It will save you mentally. Take it from me. Your duties to your Mom will remain the same but you have to get out and do things that is mentally challenging.

A part time/flexible job might be the perfect solution for you to feel like YOU again and get some time away from everything going on at home. There are so many great flexible jobs out there right now that I would recommend looking at. Personally I drive for Bite Squad picking up to go meals from restaurants and delivering to people's businesses and homes. It pays $15/hour plus tips and is a FUN job. It's also flexible so I can pick up hours when I have a few extra minutes here and there. I have a friend that works for the shipped app, she does personal shopping at Grocery stores and deliveries to peoples home. She logs onto the app when she is available and they send her a store and an address to deliver when she is out of time she logs off, no set schedule. That might work well for you so that you can still take care of, visit and take your Mom to appointments yet get out and work a few hours in between. I would definitely recommend you find a FUN stress free job and enjoy yourself a bit.

Sounds like your mother is in a much better position than a lot of other people who care give for loved ones which is good for you. First, do you really need the additional income? If you don’t, that takes some pressure off you to actually provide for your family. And it can become a true “I just need an outlet to do my own thing” situation. With that, you can probably find a job at Walmart or somesuch place and work minimal hours. It sounds like it’s all doable. The other thing is, I had to have a sit down heart to heart talk with myself about the reality of caring for a loved one. It is a sacrifice. And if you’re not going to abdicate your responsibilities, which I applaud you, you have to have a “come to Jesus moment” and except the reality of your situation so you can put that inner turmoil fight down. If it’s not gonna go away, what’s the point in fighting it? So try to find pleasure in other ways and Like the part-time job. If your mother eventually needs more care, you might have to give up the job So take advantage of it while you can. You sound like a caring person so it sounds like you will be able to balance this as long as you don’t overdo it. Good luck

I don't think your missing anything! In fact I think you are way ahead of the game, you have great instincts and couldn't be taking better care of your mom. Taking the best care of her includes taking care of yourself so absolutely get a part tome job if you are able and desire. I can relate having been forced to stop a lot of things including regular employment due to medical issues but the hidden blessing being that it gave me the freedom (and medical experience) to be available when my mom had a stroke too. I'm sure your right about mom's hesitation due to her knowing she can count on being able to communicate with you (aphasia was & is the main result of my moms stroke too) and fear it will mean she has less access to you. But my guess is it will just take a little adjustment and some extra effort on your part for a bit to make sure her fears are unrealized. As you said you will still be taking her to all of her appointments, exercise her and just be around she just needs to learn to trust that. It may take a little time to ease her into it and I would suggest starting now before you actually have a job. Maybe start scheduling yourself like you have a 1/4 time job first you could even use the time to do some job hunting or planning. If mom is able to use FaceTime or something like that you could check in with her regularly throughout the day to get her used to the idea that you can be available without being there physically. We have put 2 Echo Show's in my mom's house so we can just "drop in" without her having to do anything and it works well. Unfortunately her speech issues prevent her from talking to the Echo (it's the identifier she can say best so that's what we call it) or calling us with it but she is able to use her cell phone to call us so when she needs us she does that and we just chat on the phone or drop in if that's needed. Since your mom has assistance though she could enlist someone to call you on her screen. I say screen because Google now has an option as well and there may be others, we got the Show's when it was the only option we could find at least affordably. If you can get your mom more comfortable with having access to you she might be more receptive to the job idea, my guess is it's just the thought of it, the change and the unknown are always stressors for my mom too. For instance my brother who lives closest to her (20 min) is a pilot so goes to work flying all over. I live 4 hrs away but between us we are in touch daily with mom and Bro physically sees her a couple times a week typically. We have another bro who lives across the country and the 3 of us went to spend time with our dad, as pilots they fly free & I have privileges as well through one of them. We made the mistake of telling Mom we were doing this, she never would have known the difference had we just stayed in touch as usual which we did but because she knew we were both going to be somewhere different (remember bro travels for a living) she was very anxious. We learned though and the next time we did this we just didn't tell her ahead of time and it was far less stressful for her. I think it's more about change than anything, there was no difference in her world accept that she couldn't picture us in a familiar place feeling like she knew where we were and how long it would take for us to get to her for instance. In practice it would have taken me the same amount of time to get to her flying from my dads as it does driving from home and same goes for Bro when he's a work and she knows when he's working but it's something about the change in status quo, the unknown I guess that makes her anxious. We have learned to wait until the evening or afternoon before to tell her she has an appointment now too so she has time to prepare but not too much time to be anxious. I hope this is making some sense to you, I know I got out on a tangent here sorry about that.

Absolutely find a pt job or volunteer somewhere. Your emotional and mental health is vital! No guilt!! A happier you will only benefit your relationship with your Mom!

Resenting your parent during their last years is a terrible way to end your relationship - and that is what is happening here. You need to have other things going on in your life, other people to connect to, an income that will make you feel more valuable. Do it!! It’s amazing how guilty we feel about our parent’s care, even when they have full time care elsewhere. Find a part time job that will give you another area of concentration so that you are someone other than just your Mother’s Keeper.

Having something for YOU - paid work or volunteering is essential for your mental health. Go for it. there are many things you can do that can be flexible. If you like working with children - there is always substituting at your local school. It is day by day - and you can choose when to be available. Many other volunteer opportunities exist as another writer suggested.

I see no reason for you to feel guilty. You have arranged safe, capable care for Mom. You visit multiple times per week. You will be a better caregiver if you fill yourself first. Good Luck

I had to go back to work (at 65) to help pay bills. I am only suited to work with children as I have no computer or organizational skills and working in retail would not be a good fit for me because like you, I cannot be on my feet for long periods. I was hired at the first daycare I applied at, but after 8 weeks, it was a mutual decision that this was not the place for me. I was.lucky enough to find another job immediately.

I have to caution you that this is not easy. I am sole caregiver to my bedridden husband and he still needs to be tended to after I get home. I work from 8AM to 1PM and all my housekeeping, caregiving and other duties are waiting for me when I get home. I like this job and the people I work with, but honestly, I’d rather be home.

When and if you job hunt, make sure you are very particular and a good fit for the company. Find out if Mom would benefit from a part time caregiver. A retired nurse might be a good fit for her. The nurse could help her keep up with her speech and physical therapies.

My friends have advised me to do this. I lost my job a couple years back and since my dad was then suffering from ALZ I used the time to help take care of him, and since I am fortunately for me, financially established, I ddidnt really need to get a job.

The problem is this makes me too available for my demanding mom. Anyway, enough about me. My point is I think it would be good for you to get some kind of part time job to have a social diversion, not be totally available for your mom, and I don't know what your financial situation is but most people could always use a bit of extra money, even if for mad money for vacations, etc. (and I think in your position it would be good to get away on vacation now and then)

Go to a temp service. Ask if they have pt positions available. I worked for Sears Catalog 10 am to 2pm 5 days a week when my daughter was small. Husband worked nights so worked out for us.

Before I retired, I worked 3 days one week, 2days the next. Then we changed it to a week on and a week off.

My cousin works in a drs office 3 days a week, 4 hrs a day. There's something out there you can work around Mom. You seem to have a good support network.

No it is not selfish to want a job at any age. Why would you feel guilt? You are already doing enough for your mother.

I could not imagine either of my parents trying to dictate through words or guilt tripping my decisions in life. They tried it when I was much younger and I walked away for years.

You have said it all, contribute to your mental health.

If getting a part time job feels that important to you, then it is important.

Your mom will adjust and maybe even be motivated to find some friends of her own, right now she doesn't have to, your friends and family are filling the gap. No criticism meant, it was a season when she needed everything you all gave her. The seasons have changed and so will activities.

I hope you find something that you really enjoy doing and that you can come to terms with the fact that you have nothing to feel guilty about with your mom, u r doing nothing wrong.

You say you are visiting 2 or 3 days a week, that leaves 4 or 5 days you could be doing something else without it affecting your mother. My sister - past retirement age - loves having a part time job and plans to work until they kick her to the curb.

I believe it would be good for you to go back to work part-time. Keep one's mind busy is in important to stay mentally heathy and it is my belief it helps slow down the aging process.

Do what is best for you!
Good luck!

Sounds like you might not be missing the job so much as the company of adults your own age group. I would suggest you consider volunteer opportunities before a part time job because you would have more control of your schedule. It's no fun to have a work commitment at your part time job prevent you from traveling with your husband when he has time off or a nice business trip you would enjoy too. One of my mother's friends was very active with the Red Cross blood drives for several years. During days without blood drives, there was organization work setting up blood drives and usually some group lunches among the organizers. There may be active social clubs in your area too that support something you care about - veterans, food banks, women's shelters, etc. Or a youth sports group that needs a good administrator/organizer. There's no reason you cannot manage your time to include a part time job and supporting your mother in AL. It may add a little stress to your life but will probably only switch around the types of stresses you're handling. Go for it!

Guilt is common - do what you need to for yourself and your mental health!!