Follow
Share

My grandmother has end stage COPD and end stage lung cancer. She has been on hospice for a long time, over a year. It's been a slow and steady decline. She was still mobile, but then she had a fall 3 weeks ago and broke her hip, she was hospitalized. Now she is bed bound. She was basically refusing to eat in the hospital for days. The doctor said she was very weak and lethargic, her eyes were glazed over and she almost didn't make it through the surgery due to her kidneys not filtering and issues with anesthesia. The nurses tried to get her to eat in the hospital but she wouldn't. Her appetite has significantly declined over the last several years since her diagnosis anyway and since being on hospice. But that was the first time she just stopped eating. Her breathing is getting worse due to COPD. The doctor said that rehabilitation would not be an option at this point because she had no strength and wasn't getting nutrients to build up strength. He said once she stopped eating it could be days to weeks and her organs would start to shut down. She looked pretty bad before we took her home. So we all agreed home hospice was the only option instead of active care. We wanted to give her peace at home. But now that she is back home on hospice, she suddenly wants to eat again. Not very much, a couple bites, she had part of an Ensure and a bite of cake. Her mind was also clearer today. But she still just stares off into space and is withdrawn. She stares at the TV but says she's not watching it. I also don’t think this is the surge of serotonin people talk about before someone passes. Is all this normal? I know she is dying due to chronic illness but I am a bit confused by this roller coaster ride. She seems agitated but her mind seems sort of clear sometimes, others not. Was hoping for guidance or moral support. I don't understand how one day she can be unfocused, eyes glazed over, the next day she is more alert and wants to drink an Ensure. How many weeks or months does this part last? I guess not knowing makes this hard on me because when I mentally accept the end could be imminent she suddenly perks up. The up and down makes it harder on the caregivers. Is this part of the dying process or is this her not wanting to let go?

The end of life process is not smooth for most people, but filled with many ups and downs as the body begins to shut down. There will be good days and bad days and everything in between days, too.

With my dad, he developed a fever and a UTI which put him in bed. He passed about 15 days later, not eating or drinking, going in and out of consciousness the whole time.

My mother was 95 with advanced dementia. She was fine one day, and very tired the next. She went into her bed to rest, became semi comatose, and died 7 days later. We never expected such a fast downhill slide, but it was a blessing, really, that her misery was put to an end. Same with dad who had a brain tumor. Hospice kept them both comfortable and they passed peacefully with no pain.

Just take what comes with grandma, and enjoy her when she's lucid and able to interact. You just don't know from one day to the next what's in store. Hospice can advise you when death us imminent.

Best of luck with a difficult situation.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to lealonnie1
Report

Only God knows the day and time that He will call your grandmother Home, so just enjoy whatever time you may have left with her.
My late husband was under hospice care in our home for the last 22 months of his life and there were several times that I was told the end was near, but my husband always seemed to bounce back, until the last time that hospice told me that he would be dead within 3 days.
Long story short, he didn't die in 3 days but did in 41 days and that was without any food for that entire time and no drink for over 25 days.
Everyone's journey from this life to the next is different, so again just enjoy whatever time you may have left with her and make sure that you leave nothing left unsaid.
God bless you.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

Watching someone we love, slowly die is always hard. This is normal. Remember, even on the good days, death is imminent and closer for her everyday. Take each interaction as you find her in that moment and that can help lesson your confusion.

Great big warm hug!
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Isthisrealyreal
Report
Kmjeck May 19, 2024
Thank you, that advice helps a lot.
(1)
Report
No One really Knows it is so unpredictable . Enjoy the time you have left with her .
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to KNance72
Report

This is impossible to know and so very hard to watch. How long a person will last varies widely. My mother went three complete weeks with no food at all and no communication, sleeping a deep sleep, before she died. My dad lasted five days from his last time eating. Our hospice nurses told us to look for three signs of end of life: sleeping a deeper than normal sleep, not communicating anymore, and no longer eating. All proved true. I wish you peace in this, knowing it’s so hard to experience
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

Please take all these concerns to hospice.
Ask for the support of their nursing staff for your questions, of clergy for your worries, of social workers for life transition thoughts and grieving.

You are correct that this is all a part of the dying process. To be honest I myself would not encourage high nutrition things such as ensure; they now will prolong the dying process, and I do think it is clear to you that this is the dying process and you are now truly in end of life care and active dying process. Let her eat bites of whatever she wants, but don't try to force nutrition or especially nutricious food to prolong things. Use medications for agitation when needed and don't use them when they aren't needed.

And most of all get Hospice to do their job. Ask them questions that come to your mind daily. If you have a question call them. They are getting ROYALLY PAID these days (once a mission for the nurses they employed they have now become the for profit darlings of hedgefunds. Make use of every penny they have) and are more and more cutting corners. Medicare pays them very well. See to it that they are responsive to your daily questions and needs.

88 is a good long life. You are now ensuring a good death, and that is a great blessing. I wish her peace and hope you get all the support out of hospice that you can wring out of them.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to AlvaDeer
Report
Kmjeck May 19, 2024
Thank you! I am not encouraging her to eat, only if she asks for food, but some other family members are. I don't think they understand. I only I too thought the same thought that it was just going to prolong the process and her suffering but I felt weird thinking about it like that.
(1)
Report
When she starts seeing dead people and starts to pick imaginary cotton off her arms, those are signs that her death is getting closer.

Of course, it’s different for everyone. Usually hospice workers have pamphlets or resources where you can read about the death process. I found for me it was helpful to read about it before it happened.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Southernwaver
Report
Kmjeck May 19, 2024
I did read that pamphlet, probably 3 times out of sheer anxiety. But I haven't seen that from her just yet.
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter