My mother passed away this week, and I’m lost. I’ve had her with me 15 years 24/7 the last two. What little money I received was for taking care of her. I don’t even know where to start. I know I need a job, but the thought of starting over at 58 is a little daunting right now. Taking care of her was one of the hardest things I have ever done, the emotional roller coaster....But now that she is gone I’m so grateful that I did. The lessons I learned. I want to thank this forum, you helped me through so many tuff times, letting me know I wasn’t alone, that my feelings were normal. Thank you, I will continue to send love and support to all caregivers, for you are all truly angels.
What Joanne said makes good sense.
You can do this. Yes, feeling like you are starting over can be scary or it can give you a new zest for life. Find something that makes you feel alive and begin.
Hugs!
Maybe take some time at first if you can, to get your bearings and adjust to this new reality. Then when you're ready, start doing some research about options that might make sense for you and your situation. One thought I'm having is to check out your county's website and see if they offer any programs or info for job seekers. On mine, I see special outreach programs for 55+ job seekers, job counseling, re-training, etc.
Just have patience with yourself take the time you need to travel through life
Sending a big hug
I found that getting back out into the World was a slow process. Doing things actually helped me feel better, bit by bit. Give yourself time to grieve, yet remember that your Mom would have wanted you to go on with life and be happy. You deserve this for all that you have done as a caregiver. You will have your moments, but these are turning into happy memories for me now and replacing memories of those rough last months. What helped me was to go through old photos where my Mom was smiling and happy. I wish you all the best for your future as you were a wonderful help to your Mom and she would surely want you to be happy. Take your time and do what feels right.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I suggest three ways to address your pain and find new purpose.
1. Join a grief support group or work with a grief counselor.
2. If you have been isolated due to caregiving duties, visit and engage at some social activity. You can find some at senior centers.
3. Check out the websites listed below. They developed programs specifically for 55+ people find enjoyable, purposeful work.
I returned to work at 59 after caregiving. Hope this helps. God bless.
Back to Work 50+
aarp.org/aarp-foundation/our-work/income/back-to-work-50-plus/about-us/
BACK TO WORK 50+ supports community colleges and workforce investment boards that are helping 50+ workers overcome barriers to finding better jobs.
Senior Service of America
seniorserviceamerica.org/
Senior Service of America oversees four federally funded programs to train and employ older adults. The Senior Community Service Employment Program (SCSEP) is one such program. SCSEP is the only federal program targeted to help older workers find work in community service. Each year, SCSEP enables thousands of low-income seniors each year to earn and learn while working in local programs serving their community. Check out their website for the other programs for seniors.
National Older Workers Career Center
nowcc.org/applicant-resources/
Offers some of the same information as Senior Service of America about federal jobs. This particular webpage has some excellent articles about looking for that job.
Check with local community colleges’ counseling center. They may have programs in place for the mature worker and can guide you to the next job you’ll love.
I was thinking about what to do afterwards before my Husband died and I thought ..well I can become a caregiver. I know what to do. And I am sure I would get hired pretty easily.
Since I volunteer at the Hospice we were with I decided to "train" as a CNA assist and I decided then that I needed to take a step back from caring for someone. I can give support but to have direct caregiving tasks assigned was just too close to what I had just done.
So what do you want to do?
If you are not sure there are lots of places that need and want volunteers if you can afford to volunteer. And you can choose a few things so you can find out what you want to do.
If you have to work there are lots of places that are going to be hiring for the holidays. Best thing is if after the first of the year you find you like what you are doing I am sure they will keep some on as part time.
But right now if you can, take time for YOU. Take a trip if you can. If you have no one to travel with there are lots of agency's that will try to pair you up so you do not have to pay that extra that is often charged to single travelers.
Or if you like adventure pack a bag and point the car in one direction and drive.
If you are fortunate enough to be able to give yourself some time to just grieve, adjust, and get used to the new normal, I highly recommend caregiving as a job - particularly for us older people. As some have said: those lessons you learned taking care of your mother are pure gold, and this industry is ALWAYS looking for good, reliable caregivers, and it's growing.
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your mother, and my best wishes that you will find a fulfilling path forward!
Caregiving is a rewarding but tough tough job. If you don’t think caregiving for an adult is possible right now (watching decline takes its toll)... what about children? Classroom aides, cafeteria support staff, recess aides, hallway monitors, TSS work? There are agencies that hire Therapeutic Support Service workers (basically you’d be a one-on-one), or schools/districts hire their own assistants. The pay is not great (around 8-10) but you’d work with children! They have so much love and so much NEED!
Theres always day care centers if you like the birth-to-five age group. I always say, “you can’t have a bad day when you get to spend it with 30 5/year olds!”
You could always start gradually as a substitute to see if you like it. Try Kelly Services if it’s near you...it’s an agency that hires subs.
many blessings on your new endeavor. May you find peace and comfort. Know that your mom will continue to be with you even though she has departed the physical world... her spirit will give you strength!
Do not worry about starting over...if you can take care of your mom for many years you can do anything. Look into major rental car companies for jobs. I know I found a part time job as a driver. Driving car to other rental places in their car to associated rental places. It is part time but I get to drive a new rental car every day. It takes me to areas within 70 miles and then I drive one back to the hub. It is fun and driving relaxes me but looking at different scenes and knowing their is more out there. You did your labor of love now it is your time. No regrets. Your mom would want you to enjoy yourself. You did a great work with your mom and she knows it too inside her heart. Life is for the living!! Carry on honey.
Starting over can be difficult, take a deep breath and do baby steps. Since the holidays are coming, perhaps start with something part time or volunteer until you find something that interests you. You aren't starting over at 58, you are experiencing a new adventure, a deserved opportunity to take care of you.
I wish you well and keep us posted! We are all here for you and care.
also as mentioned try a temp job company to see what its like to work again.
try reading or visiting or ??? at a nursing home. Or being a reading buddy in a school.
We have a volunteer agency called rsvp. Call the local office on aging for their volunteer program.
i used to volunteer at a hospital walking patients to lab test areas and at a local senior center.
Now i finally have a job. Im 78.
My Mom passed away a little over two years ago. I also was her caregiver but continued to work as best I could during that time. It was a very difficult, emotional time but, I too, don’t regret that I kept my mom home. I can empathize with everything you’re feeling. As daunting as it may be, I think you may find that work will actually be therapeutic. I moved to Phoenix at age 54 and had to get a job. True, it wasn’t in the midst of grief, but please don’t let your age scare you. Our generation is valuable and has so much to offer! I will say this, you need to grieve so make time for that no matter how painful the process is and it is a process. It too will be a rollercoaster ride. I still participate in a GriefShare group and it’s been wonderful! Please reach out to anyone who can help you with this including me. Believe me, I feel your pain!
Blessings,
kwdw816