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My mom passed away on January 30th. She was 101 years old. I am very much aware that she lived a long, good life. She passed away in her sleep. She was pretty much full of life up until the week she died. (She had a stroke a few years ago that greatly limited her mobility) but aside from getting confused from time to time, her mind was still good. The problem is I miss her a lot. A lot of people are unsympathetic towards me just because she was 101. Am I wrong for missing her?

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You have people in your life who are not sympathetic? You mother died 3 weeks ago! It doesnt matter how old she was!

There is something seriously wrong with those people!!

My deepest sympathies on your loss; be comforted by your many good memories.
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I FORGOT --- THERE IS NO TIME LIMIT ON HOW LONG YOU TAKE TO GRIEVE OVER YOUR MOM....IT IS NOBODY'S BUSINESS... YOU ARE ALOUD TO TAKE THE TIME YOU NEED TO GRIEVE...
I'm still grieving my mom...gone 2018.

You will heal.. you will have "scar' wounds, but who doesnt? These too will disappear with time. don't listen to them.. My mom was 90..God
ld I miss her... and still do... I can grieve a long time.

This is not a "pity" party either. prayers are with you. Talk with her. Does she answer you? My dad used... Not as much anymore.

Oh ya, I am an orphan now.
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ANSWER: YOU ARE NOT WRONG FOR MISSING HER. You loved her and sure she loved you bak. YOU ARE OK.... 70 80,90, 100, no matter the age, you will be missing her... That is very nice.
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Oh my gosh, of course you are not wrong for missing her. Not at all. Look at how long she was with you. She died recently. It hasn’t been a long time. Of course you miss her terribly.

I bet it felt like she would always be with you, so much so that you most likely could not envision a world without her.

I am sure that you knew one day she would be gone but it felt like she would live in your heart forever. You know what? She will live in your heart forever.

Just because someone leaves this physical world it doesn’t mean that you automatically stop having feelings about them or stop loving them.

Your feelings are completely normal. My dad died in 2002 and I think of him often. We don’t ever forget how special they were.

I am so sorry for your loss. You are entitled to grieve. It is healthy to grieve. Don’t suppress your feelings. In time the deep mourning will ease up but for now please don’t question your feelings.

Mourn the loss of your mom. I don’t think her age plays a large part in this. Just because you had her longer than most others had their mom doesn’t mean that you won’t grieve.

Grieving is intensely personal. Some people grieve for a lifetime, others are at peace and do not grieve as long. They reach a point where they are able to celebrate the life of that person and that is beautiful too.

There are grief support groups if you want to participate in one and feel it will be helpful in adapting to her death.

You loved her and she loved you. You are blessed to have memories of a close bond.

Take care. 💗
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It would be weird if you didn't miss her.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. It is never wrong to miss someone when they die, or leave us, or move away . . . you get my drift. We miss the people who enrich are lives and grieve the void that we feel in their absence. Grieving is a very personal process, and no one gets to dictate yours. I'm gonna send all the good thoughts and feels your way :)
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Your grief over your mother's death or your longing for your mother's company should never be kicked about in public discourse with strangers who lack the necessary understanding or baseline empathy.

Some people may be chiming in on your situation b/c they don't think much of their own mother and they are perplexed by your emotional attachment to your own. They may even view your persisting warm feelings as immature, odd, or strange.

Some people view the elderly as a social, financial, time, or physical burden and are confused by why you aren't glad your mom is finally gone.

Some people believe that anyone that lives past a certain age has punched their "real person ticket".

Thinking like this, it stands to reason that these people would possibly scold you for your grief.

I understand how you feel. I am very close to my mother. She is 92 and she is my best friend and my only true friend. She is the only person on this planet willing to love me unconditionally. When she dies, a big part of me will die with her.

But, life must and does go on and you should continue living your very best life because she would have wanted that for you!

I understand. You are not alone.
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I'm sorry you lost you Mom. You were lucky to have each other.
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Most people do not understand if you have no other close family how more you miss your mom.
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My mom died in Oct 2018 and I lost her to dementia a few years before that but I still think of things I want to tell her, just the normal little bits of news we would have normally shared. I get that as we get older losing a parent is not unique but for many of us our mother/fathers will always hold an irreplaceable spot in our hearts.
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In two months it will have been five years since my mom died. She was 92 when she passed. I still miss her each and every day. I probably will till the day I die.

It does not matter that your mom was old and death was to be expected. Love is love. It doesn't just stop when the person you loved dies. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

As far as I'm concerned there is no such thing as an acceptable amount of time for grief. Everyone is different.

You grieve for as long as you want and the way you want. HUGS!
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Oh my gosh NO! You have every right with your feelings of missing your mother! Don't mind those that are unsympathetic towards you, apparently they've never lost a loved one and if they have they have forgotten the pain. You grieve how you want to grieve, she was YOUR MOTHER! Thoughts and prayers to you.
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Your grief is YOUR grief! It has nothing to do what others say or how they act. I sense people even feel maybe a little resentful because they lost a mom who was much younger and therefore feel their grief was harder. If you feel you don’t have a good friend you can confide in about your grief I have several suggestions. Talk to your pastor (if you have one), ask a church who uses Stephen Ministry to assign a Stephen Minister to you (it is a lay ministry of caregivers who are there to listen, I was one), or talk to a therapist . You have nothing to question about your feelings. They are appropriate.
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Clearly your “lot of people” are no experts in the dynamics of grief.

No one, NO ONE is entitled to tell you what your emotional stance “should” be unless there is some self harming element to it.

Your life, your loss, your feelings.
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It doesn't matter how long, you had your mom. It is the depth of your relationship, that would be the reason to grieve. At 3 weeks, you are only starting the grieving process. If YOU are concerned, not people around you, then maybe you could seek out a grief group or counselor. Many hospices have these. The one in our area allows you to use their grieving services even if you did not use their hospice services. My husband and I went after my FIL passed at 95. I didn't feel we were having an issue with grieving, but felt the desire to go, since we were going through something we have not had to do with someone so close. It gave us the tools to talk about the grief, and the group was very supportive of each other. Some shared phone numbers to meet after the session ended.
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No, grief by each person is handled differently. No one should or can tell you what or how you should or should not feel when it comes to losing a lived one. You have every right to your own grief process. If you feel overwhelmed, seeing a therapist for grief or joining a grief support group is always an option and you may find you are not alone.
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I understand what you're saying. People are unsympathetic when we lose loved ones who have lived long. If the relationship was a close one, it seems it is harder to let them go and the hole left in our lives is even bigger.
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There is no one that should tell you how long to grieve, how to grieve.
You feel what you feel.
It does not matter how old your mom was. You lost the person that taught you how to be the woman you are today. You lost the person that guided you through some rough times and rejoiced with you during joyous times.
I am 66 my mom died 54 years ago and my dad died 50 years ago and I still miss them. And there are times when the loss is more painful. My Husband died 3 years ago and there are times when I hear a song on the radio and I just start to cry. It still hurts deeply.
The deep sorrow fades and becomes an ache, that fades as well but it remains.
Grief is on your own terms. Do not let anyone tell you how or when to stop.
This is a quote that the facilitator in one of my support groups gave me.
Grief never ends......
but it changes
It's a passage, not a place to stay
Grief is not a sign of weakness .... nor a lack of faith
It is the price of love....
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J
jackie2018 Feb 2020
Thank you. That poem was beautiful. I just lost my kitty of 17yrs who was my constant companion. Being a single senior with little family she gave me companionship when I was lonely. I miss her dearly since she died 3 days ago.
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I am very sorry your dear Mom passed on, and It is only natural you should miss your dear Mother.
All of Us Who lost our Mothers still and always will miss them because they were central figures in Our Lives. It was Our Mothers Who taught Us how to dress ourselves, wash, Pray and table manners etc. They even helped Us do Our Homework after School. I adored my Mother, and now I adorn Her memory Rip.
Catlady give yourself time to heal as you are in mourning
and think back at all the many beautiful memories you and
your Mom shared together. Your Mom is now in Heaven with The Lord and Pray to Her often. You will gain great comfort.
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Whether a person dies old or young, life is short. Even 100 years is short compared to eternity. When it comes to your mom there is never enough time to spend with her. Days turn into centuries.

My mom died age 90, but she was practically brain dead from Alzheimer's kept alive with a feeding tube; ironically other natural causes killed her. Had nothing to do with her extremely advanced Alzheimer's. Mom died 4 months ago and I would give my soul to the devil if I could have her back, but that would be cruel to her and myself -- we all die and she is better off where she is and the only pain left is for the living. Grieve for yourself...not your mom. She is a much better place than the where we are.

Besides we are probably going to get nuked via WW3 the way things are going so at least she is spared that kind of agonizing death (burned/buried alive or death by radiation sickness). That awaits us living folks.
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jacobsonbob Feb 2020
I don't want to get sidetracked too much by your final paragraph, but I doubt there will be a nuclear war. I think the biggest problems will be widespread poverty in the so-called "developed" regions of the world resulting in a breakdown of the healthcare system as it become unaffordable for more people, and many more people are forced to choose between food and healthcare. Rearing children will become prohibitively expensive, so the population will go down, furthering the shortage of healthcare providers. Regional conventional wars will be the issue in less-developed areas, due to an increasing lack of resources.
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You grieve because you love. Missing her is not wrong. Spend time remembering the good about your mom and finding ways to live with your memories of her. I know that GriefShare is a helpful group for folks going through the loss of a loved one. Check churches and other places of worship to find one near you.
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I can't imagine anyone not understanding that you miss your Mother.  I lost mine just a few weeks ago and a very wise friend wrote in a sympathy card that "your mother makes up at least half of who you are, maybe more."  How could you not miss her?  Just remember those words, and that she is, therefore, always with you in so many ways.  You are blessed to have had a mother who you would miss--it shows how wonderful she was and how important she was in your life.
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She is your mother...of course you miss her.  It is great that she lived that long and sounds like she still had a good quality of life until the very end and it sounds like she died peacefully, which is what we all would want.  That doesn't mean you aren't entitled to grieve the loss of your mother and miss the lifelong relationship that you had with her.  Take your time...it's only been a month.  I'm sorry for your loss.
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Of course you’re not wrong for missing her. My mom has been gone for over 10 years now, I still find that hard to believe and I still miss her everyday. You were without doubt blessed to have your mom for such a long time, but that doesn’t diminish the pain of loss. Time does help, the good memories start to bring more smiles than tears, but you’re very new in this. Be gentle with yourself, dismiss as best you can all the insensitive comments “they know not what they say” and know I wish you peace
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We cannot help how we feel, only what we do about our feelings. Those people who are unsympathetic are maybe that way because they fear death and the deep sorrow you are going through reminds them of it. Their rational minds might tell them to help you out of your grief. Feelings aren't rational. Embrace the grief. Feel it. That's the healthiest thing to do. My father and sister died the same year, 8 years ago. Missing them does not go away, in fact is just a part of me now, just as they were a part of me when they were alive. I share it only with those who will not try to pull me out of my feelings.
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Catlady,
So sorry for your loss!
It's only been a month since your sweet mother passed, if you didn't miss her that would be more worrisome.
Everyone grieves differently!
Don't let anyone make you feel as though you are not grieving properly. There's no handbook for grief!
My Dad passed over 3 years ago and I still find myself wanting to call him.
Time will ease your pain, but you will always miss her.
Many blessings!
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There’s something about losing your mom. It changes everything and you realize that your own life will never be the same. I also had a lack of sympathy when my mom passed. There seemed to be a lot of differing versions of, “oh but she had cancer, right?” People just don’t know what to say. The most thoughtful gestures and comments I received were from others who had suffered significant losses. They understood and were thoughtful and genuine.

I’m often reminded that there is no time limit for grieving. And even though I believe my grief process is complete, I continue to miss my mother. It was not a perfect relationship but I loved her and I miss her, and I think that’s okay. I’m very sorry for your loss and I pray that each day gets a little better for you.
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No you're not wrong for missing your Mom! That's your Mom. You have a right to grieve!! Even Jesus Wept when Lazarus died. Anybody who doesn't show kindness when someone loses a love one, Something is wrong with them. Just forgive them and know that you have a right to grieve over your Mom No matter how old she is. But just Thank God for those Beautiful 100 years she lived and all the time you had with her! And if you and her are Saved by Jesus Christ then you know you'll see her again in Heaven.
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I absolutely understand your feelings. The fact is grieving is an extension of love. It's been said that "grief is the price we pay for loving someone". I believe that it's a journey that is difficult to say the lease. But it can also (in time) bring back wonderful, comforting memories that will help us with the struggle, the pain and the unspeakable hole in our hearts and minds. I've learned that grief is something that we our grief is can not expect others to always understand or (unfortunately) be supportive of us. Some folks are reminded of their own mortality...and therefore respond in unkind ways as they don't know or want to deal with the inevitable journey we find ourselves one. Be aware that your true feelings, emotions, experiences are just that TRUE to you. Don't allow anyone rent space in your mind...it will only bankrupt YOU. Usually there a a few people in mist our our lives that are unsympathetic towards us in various situations rather its divorce, job loss, loss of a home, grief etc. BUT it does not change the fact of how we feel about where we are. I hope you are able to share the difficulty and the wonderful joyous memories of your mom with genuine caring friends and family. Many may have memories of their own of your mom. Hold on to these priceless memories and share them. Sharing here is a great start to owning your truth. I had my mom til 84, my dad til 79 and my beloved grandmother til 93 their lives where "long" their loss to be HUGH....the waves of grief are navigated like being captain of a ship. I can't abandon it(my memories) but I learned to navigate the storms and appreciate the peaceful places their memories give me alone the way. Hugs and more hugs. Sorry this was soooooo long but it hit me hard.
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The length of her life has nothing at all to do with how missed she is, and may continue to be. Yes, she lived a long, full life. That doesn't make the loss any easier for those left behind. My mother, although only 87, was very sick at the end and did not want to continue any longer. That doesn't make missing her any easier for me. Yes, I had a long time with her, and I can cherish those memories, and be glad that she did not have to suffer for a long time, or unnecessarily. But still, I miss her.

I wonder if it's a bit of envy coming from people whose parents died younger than your Mom did. Like "You had your Mom for all those years, while I lost my Mom much sooner. So what are you complaining about?" You miss her. Your feelings are entirely natural and you're entitled to them. Don't let anyone try to bully you out of them.

I know it's hard. You have my condolences.
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